FOT Forum
The Best Show on WFMU => Show Discussion => Topic started by: Tom Scharpling on November 25, 2007, 08:15:43 PM
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Hello heroes -
The reviewing of every James Bond movie has begun. Check it out over at www.scharplingandwurster.com (http://www.scharplingandwurster.com), okay?
Thanks.
Tom.
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I am going to compile these and use them as CliffsNotes, lest I not feel like a man the next time I'm at a bar during a Bond conversation.
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That was hilarious. Thanks!
Dr. No is supposed to be the one of the good ones, right?
God help Never Say Never Again, that's all I can say.
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Movie marathons are one of my favorite things to do.
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License to Kill is the only Bond movie I've seen so I'm looking forward to that one.
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How about a Vintage Seltzer review while you're at it?
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Great stuff, especially the take on Dr. No himself. Based on the categories for evaluation, I'm going to put in an early guess that You Only Live Twice and Live and Let Die will end up being, on a purely statistical level, the greatest Bond films.
One note, and this is excusable since you haven't really followed the Bond films in depth: Bond doesn't wear a pajama top in Dr. No because they had not yet been invented. Q is introduced in From Russia With Love, presenting 007 with MI6's newest invention: a pajama top, at which Bond openly scoffs. He later admits that he was wrong when he uses it to kill Red Grant at the end of the movie, tricking the silk-loving Grant into trying on the pajama top unaware of the explosive charge in its breast pocket (after which Bond drops the famous movie quote "Don't disturb my friend - he's dead tired!")
The movie made the idea of pajama tops so popular that they actually came into fashion and were mass produced following its release. Against all critical expectation, the moviegoing public was not nearly as receptive to the jetpack in Thunderball or the attempt to bring back those nightcaps with the fuzzy ball on the end in Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins.
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Solid review - but you have to talk about the ubiquity and annoying-ness of a "Underneath the Mango Tree" in any review of Dr. No.
And now that stupid song will be in my head all day.
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, come watch for the moon,
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, make bool'aloop soon.
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come sit hand in hand,
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come make fairy land.
(Chorus:)
Mango, banana and tangerine, sugar, anaki, and cocoa bean,
When we get married we make 'dem grow, and nine little child in a row.
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, come watch for the moon,
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, we plan marry soon.
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come sit hand in hand,
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come make fairy land.
(Chorus)
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, come watch for the moon,
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, make bool'aloop soon.
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come sit hand in hand,
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come make fairy land.
(Chorus)
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, come watch for the moon,
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, make bool'aloop soon.
Underneath the mango tree, underneath the mango tree.
Underneath the Mango tree, underneath the mango tree.
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With that ditty brought to light, Tom I think you need to add an extra point to the "racism" category.
Great idea for the S&W blog. It saves me the trouble of ever having to watch these things. Like you, I've seen most of the James Bond series through osmosis. Catching glimpses on TBS while sorting socks, but never having a reason to watch one from start to finish.
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Spot-on review, Tom. Thank you.
I humbly suggest another section for the reviews: Impractical Bond-Killing Method.
For example:
G-Force simulator with no brakes in "Moonraker",
Slow-moving laser that takes a solid hour to reach its target in "Goldfinger",
Remote-controlled helicopter in "For Your Eyes Only",
Death by boredom in "Casino Royale". Oh wait, that was me.
etc.
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Tom, could you just skip ahead to "Live and Let Die"? I don't think I can wait.
Edit: Bill Hicks.
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Interesting (sort of... for the second it took me to read the first couple of paragraphs, anyway...) side note:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20071126/britain-searching-for-spies/ (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20071126/britain-searching-for-spies/)
"There are some places that white males can't go."
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There's nowhere I couldn't go, I'm like a world citizen of the streets. They should have recruited me when they had the chance then I could have written my memoirs as the Punk Rock James Bond.
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FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE review is UP NOW!
www.scharplingandwurster.com
Tom.
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I definitely like the theme a lot better than you did, but that may stem from the enjoyment I get out of the way he sings “From rusher, with love” and the whole career of Matt Monro, who looked like he was in his 60s and sounded like a poor man’s Sinatra, but was still vaguely re-packaged as a swingin' teen idol in things like Pop Gear.
I never really thought about the inherent silliness of Red Grant killing the guy in the Bond mask at the beginning, as far as the movie’s internal logic goes. Why does that guy need to be wearing a James Bond mask? Does Grant only agree to kill people who look like James Bond? That’s a hell of a specialty. Or, after intense trial and error with all those other assassins, did SPECTRE determine that the #1 skill needed for someone assigned with killing James Bond was simply knowing what James Bond looked like?
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I'm surprised the scene where Bond fights Red Grant (!) in the traincar received only a passing mention. If I remember correctly from my Bond-obsessive days, that was considered by the die-hards to be one of the best scenes in the series' history.
Tom, if you want to increase your enjoyment of the Bond franchise, you might consider investing in
(http://www.pmlib.org/casino_royale/encyclopedic/movie.jpg)
I would let you borrow mine, but the covers have fallen off and the spine is completely shot. Also, I burned it.
Keep it up, Tom! I'm enjoying the heck out of these!
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Another home run, Tom.
Wes, that last sentence conjures a great idea for a comedy sketch akin to Monty Python's twitrace - a bunch of seriously moronic hitmen who need to go through extensive testing just to make sure they kill the right people, or people at all and not, say, mailboxes or fire hydrants.
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[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSNxB9nuX8Q[/youtube].
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The review for GOLDFINGER is up!
Three down!
www.scharplingandwurster.com
Tom.
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The review for GOLDFINGER is up!
Great review Tom of one of the great ones. Oh those later Moore movies are a endurance test I would not inflict on young Alex from Clockwork Orange. But I do like Rita Coolidges theme, hell its better then that crap A-Ha song that got used later.
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Have never loved Bond movies but am loving the reviews. I'm especially looking forward to the next one, since I saw Thunderball when it first came out. It was a Saturday matinee--tickets only 25 cents!--and my best friend, Eric Brown (two years younger than I, at six), and I for some reason were allowed in (surprising, really: the same theater wouldn't let us in to Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, which was silly, since we'd've been bored rather than corrupted; in any case, my mother was shocked at the Roxy's laxness when she learned a Bond flick had formed my movie fare that afternoon). I don't remember a thing about Thunderball, but having been let in the theater was an achievement, and so I remember it with particular affection. I know you'll do it proud, Tom.
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Three reviews in one week - there's no stopping this guy!
Another wonderful review, Tom. And yes, as an ambassador of the people, I can assure you, you're right.
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Thunderball, she is up.
www.scharplingandwurster.com
Tom.
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Another great one!
(It's Fältskog!)
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Best one yet. As the Dolph Sweet and respected private citizen Don Shula comparisons continue to show, the Bond series may have a lock on the least physically intimidating main villains in cinema history. SPECTRE, it turns out, was almost entirely run by guys who went drinking with my dad after they all got done a shift at the Navy Yard.
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I was so pleased to see a Dolph Sweet reference that I wept for joy. Conrad Bain always got too much credit as the lame father figure of the 80s.
"See, it's all over our money, 'In God We Trust.' Not a word about Debby-Jo."
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just wait Tom you get to see pretty much the same movie again when you review Never Say Never Again.
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i'm lovin' these, tom!
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I was in a friend's house yesterday and Casino Royale was on TV, and I mentioned to one friend "hey, Tom Scharpling is reviewing all the Bond films.. you should read check them out". Then my other friend goes "oh yeah, i read a couple of them... they're really funny... why, who's Tom Scharpling?".
He had just stumbled upon them somehow, which I thought was a fantastic coincidence to end all coincidences.
I think I've only seen the latest 2 films but I'm loving these. Keep on, Tom! After the successes of Dutch, Pick Your Own Switch, On The Air and Splash Some Cold Water On Your Face, I think 'Tom Scharpling WFMU on James Bond 007' will be a smash hit.
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I've been waiting to do this my entire life....
BUMP!
New Bond Review!
You Only Live Twice is up at www.scharplingandwurster.com !
Tom.
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Actually Tom, Cubby asked Frank to sing the song originally but he declined. Frank then suggested Nancy.
Still its better then the fucking A-Ha one
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Thanks for the read, Tom. Especially like the Ratings.
Ha, the idea of Sean Connery "lumber(ing) around with a Moe Howard wig, tripping over the most basic Japanese phrases." Is this the only time old Sean was forced into a different accent? Maybe that's what put him off of the Bond series. He could be playing Genghis Khan or George Washington, it doesn't matter -- Sean is not doing an accent. When the director gets up the nerve to approach him on the set about maybe working on a voice, he's like, "Schkrew that... I'll be doing my Schkottish ackschent, ash alwaysh."
Of course, I talk pretty tough when he's not around.
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I've been waiting to do this my entire life....
BUMP!
Someday.........someday I will have occasion to "bump" a "thread". Oh, how sweet that day will be...
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"I’m not going to belabor things, but first there was this thing called The Strike. And after that there was The Holidays. Then there was The Bronchial Infection. That was followed by The New Year. 2008 started with The Failed Attempt To Get Unemployment During The Strike, which I am saving for my one-man show – yes, the story is THAT GOOD! That caused The Inevitable Bum Out, succeeded by The Noble But Failed Rally For Dignity, which was thwarted by a combination of The Faulty Boiler Vols. 3, 4 and 5, The Force Majeure and The Crippling Inability To Ever Relax, which is something that in all honestly began way before the strike. And that brings us to today."
Wow, Tom. A lot of us are able to turn to the Best Show for some measure of respite and relief during tough times. I hope you have someone or something to fulfill that function in your life.
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Hey Tom! Just saw On Her Majesty's Secret Service last week and even though it mostly bored/angered me to tears (until the awesome last 30min. that is) I'm anxious to hear (er, read) your take on it.
I Got an idear, jus' now. When you're done reviewing all the Bond flicks (that could take awile, I know) you might consider reviewing Weng Weng's "Agent 00" trilogy. I haven't seen any yet so I can't attest to their quality but from the youtube clips I've seen they look pretty wicked. I just picked up the first one today so I'll see if it's all that.
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2379/2249690094_b1e3ff0e61.jpg)
That's right. 50 cents! Chumps didn't know what they had.
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ahhhh Building #19 where its nothing but quality and classy ads. Can't wait for another sale on "Wife Beater" T shirts.
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2415/2249810114_4504027c44.jpg)
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You thought I wouldn't do it, but I did it!
ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE is up!
www.scharplingandwurster.com !
Tom.
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I love that the ladies are always sexy, no matter what!
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Classic. Tom always seems to do his best work when he's relentlessly tearing something terrible to pieces, and this is no exception. My favorite of the Bond reviews so far. Following this precedent, the Roger Moore years should really be something to behold. Bring on A View to a Kill!
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I really thought you would never do it. These movies are so bad!
This review made me laff a lot though. Thanks Tom!
-Ajax
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Actually Tom the Louis Armstrong song played in the middle of the movie 'All The Time In The World' is considered the theme for the movie. Even though it does not come on till the middle of the movie.
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"A very Dave Atell-looking Telly Savalas..."
Hilarious review, Tom. Keep it up!
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you know what would be cool? a MST3K style commentary track
I doubt you have the time or inclination tho
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Best line?
"Nice ears, jerk!"
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Another awesome review, Tom! And to think some blowhards say OHMSS is the best Bond movie; they're all cinedummies.
If it's a slide-whistle sound effect you're lookin' for, you might want to consider skipping ahead to The Man with the Golden Gun.
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If it's a slide-whistle sound effect you're lookin' for, you might want to consider skipping ahead to The Man with the Golden Gun.
How dare you! The Man with the Golden Gun features Britt Ekland and Maud Adams running around in bikinis for half the movie! Do you have something against sexy ladies in Bond movies? Granted, I haven't seen it since I was 13 when it made such a lasting impression on me, but I still give it a 10 for Sexy Ladies.
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Priceless. Is Never Say Never Again going to be reviewed? I desperately need to know what Tom's thoughts are concerning Sean Connery and Klaus Maria Brandauer playing a deadly electric-shock video game.
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If it's a slide-whistle sound effect you're lookin' for, you might want to consider skipping ahead to The Man with the Golden Gun.
How dare you! The Man with the Golden Gun features Britt Ekland and Maud Adams running around in bikinis for half the movie! Do you have something against sexy ladies in Bond movies? Granted, I haven't seen it since I was 13 when it made such a lasting impression on me, but I still give it a 10 for Sexy Ladies.
I think all the ladies are sexy.
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Another great review from Tom.
I'm a big Bond fan but I enjoy reading Tom's take on these films.
I actually like this movie. It is the last of the "serious" Bond flicks. It's all slapstick silliness after this.
There's actually a real love story here as per Ian Flemings novel. It follows the book pretty closely and I think it's a pretty fun film overall.
Although I have gotten accustomed to Lazenby's portrayal, it is a shame Connery wasn't in this. Lazenby doesn't do a bad job considering his lack of acting experience.
This was supposed to be made after Thunderball as Fleming had written it. The book You Only Live Twice was written after this. In it Bond is trying to avenge the murder of his wife and follows Blofeld to his "garden of death." No rockets eating rockets or hollowed out volcanoes.
The producers felt it would be viewed as"Thunderball with skies". It would have been a much better movie with Connery. There wouldn't have been all these awkward moments that fill this film because of the need to introduce Lazenby. It would have also taken care of the problem Tom points out, that Blofeld doesn't recognize Bond after seeing him face to face in the previous film.
In order to intrduce Lazenby to the audience the producers toyed with the idea of first showing Bond having bandages removed from his face after receiving face changing plastic surgery. That was dropped.
It would have been nice to see what Connery would have done with this somewhat serious script, especially with that ending.
This was the lowest grossing Bond film in the series. Oh well, it could have been great.
Can't wait for Tom's take on Diamond Are Forever and the Moore years.
This movie , Goldfinger. From Russia With Love, Dr.No, and The Spy Who Loved Me will be playing this month at the Ziegfeld theater in NYC. If you like old Bonds and have never seen them on the big screen this will be a real treat.
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On Her Majesty's Secret Service is generally awful. But I'll admit to loving the instrumental music from the opening credits (not quite the "theme song"...I guess "We Have All the Time In the World" gets that title). I will admit to having put that on a few mixed tapes. The horns get me every time.
This movie...will be playing this month at the Ziegfeld theater in NYC. If you like old Bonds and have never seen them on the big screen this will be a real treat.
Really? This movie is playing at the Ziegfeld? What fine piece of cinema are they showing after that? The Gumball Rally?
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On Her Majesty's Secret Service is generally awful. But I'll admit to loving the instrumental music from the opening credits (not quite the "theme song"...I guess "We Have All the Time In the World" gets that title). I will admit to having put that on a few mixed tapes. The horns get me every time.
I like it too, though the Propellerheads' version has aged horribly. And I like big beat stuff in general.
And I don't care who knows it, but I like "We Have All the Time in the World". Iggy Pop has a pretty neat cover.
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Here's something we'll all enjoy...
Quantum of Solace
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/61/Qos-teaser.jpg/225px-Qos-teaser.jpg)