FOT Forum
FOT Community => General Discussion => Topic started by: theyellowchair on December 07, 2008, 12:10:57 PM
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My ol' reliable cell phone broke a while back, and I wound up purchasing the Samsung "Juke" -- a slender, bizarre contraption which demands a 180-degree screen flip in order to place calls, answer texts, etc.
(http://www.howtomobile.com/images/samsung-juke-for-verizon.JPG)
The decision to purchase this phone was entirely borne of feasibility (it is surprisingly Verizon's cheapest model). However, this phone is an UNINTENTIONAL CONVERSATION STARTER. Anytime I pick it up to check the time or answer a call, I'm confronted by a barrage of questions regarding its size, its durability, its functionalities -- "How do you dial on that thing?" "Isn't it annoying to send text messages with that phone?" And so on and so forth.
Do you own something/display something on a daily basis that is an UNINTENTIONAL CONVERSATION STARTER? Perhaps an interesting name (or maybe not, since Mo Primo exhausted that conversation), or an occupation, or anything else that is A) completely socially unavoidable and B) definitely not intended to be the subject of any conversation.
Please share!
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I get a lot of questions when I where my cock sock.
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oh no, wrong wear and I can't edit from my phone.
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Another reason to always go with the second cheapest electronic device.
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I'm 6'4" and wear size fifteen shoe. People frequently ask if it's hard to get shoes in my size. It's not a mean question but after I tell them I can get them in my size but most shoes look ridiculous in extra large proportions; the conversation just stalls-- ugh.
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My Scar-face marathon premium shirt.
My wife gets similar questions to Jack from Arkansas since she's 6'2" - not so much about the shoes, but interesting stuff like "Boy, you're tall!" Men attempting to chat her up will usually open with some variation on this line, apparently not realizing that such comments are the bane of her existence and likely to cause an immediate polite brush-off.
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My Gwar costume.
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I'm 6'4" and wear size fifteen shoe. People frequently ask if it's hard to get shoes in my size. It's not a mean question but after I tell them I can get them in my size but most shoes look ridiculous in extra large proportions; the conversation just stalls-- ugh.
I wear a 14 and get a lot of the same. It is a bitch to find shoes, but I tend to stockpile.
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I hate "what are you listening to?"
There are a whole number of things that I don't like to talk about but that people like to bring up.
Men attempting to chat her up will usually open with some variation on this line, apparently not realizing that such comments are the bane of his existence and likely to cause an immediate polite brush-off.
Does your wife's gender-morphing set tongues wagging, too?
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These are good peacocking tips.
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I hate "what are you listening to?"
There are a whole number of things that I don't like to talk about but that people like to bring up.
Men attempting to chat her up will usually open with some variation on this line, apparently not realizing that such comments are the bane of his existence and likely to cause an immediate polite brush-off.
Does your wife's gender-morphing set tongues wagging, too?
Not as much as the height thing, oddly enough.
(http://images1.fanpop.com/images/quiz/1812_1210203587971_500_241.jpg)
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"Oh you're from England? I went there once!"
or
"Oh you're from England? My uncle lives there!"
or
"Oh you're from England? Do you know Prince William?"
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These are good peacocking tips.
1st thing I thought...
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"Oh you're from England? I went there once!"
or
"Oh you're from England? My uncle lives there!"
or
"Oh you're from England? Do you know Prince William?"
I would've expected it to be "I didn't know Indians lived in England?!"
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I had cateract surgery when I was two weeks old, so I have crazy eyes. They're two different colours, one of my pupils doesn't dilate so it's perma-tiny, and one of them kind of wanders off on its own, cookie-monster-like, when I'm tired. Some people know me for years before they notice, but a lot of people on the street/on the subway notice it right off the bat.
I don't mind getting "hey, you have eyes like David Bowie/Thom Yorke/that girl from the movie Blue Crush/a dog i had once" (that one happens ALL THE TIME and there is no way to respond to it except for the nod-and-smile), but every so often, a complete stranger will come up to me and go "HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOUR EYES ARE REALLY WEIRD?"
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I had cateract surgery when I was two weeks old, so I have crazy eyes. They're two different colours, one of my pupils doesn't dilate so it's perma-tiny, and one of them kind of wanders off on its own, cookie-monster-like, when I'm tired. Some people know me for years before they notice, but a lot of people on the street/on the subway notice it right off the bat.
I don't mind getting "hey, you have eyes like David Bowie/Thom Yorke/that girl from the movie Blue Crush/a dog i had once" (that one happens ALL THE TIME and there is no way to respond to it except for the nod-and-smile), but every so often, a complete stranger will come up to me and go "HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOUR EYES ARE REALLY WEIRD?"
I would've expected it to be, "you spell lots of words with an unusual 'u.'"
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WE HAVE DISCUSSED THIS ALREADYU
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People often comment on my height (I'm 5'2") but I guess I seem smaller because I never wear heels and I sort of look young.
I've been asked all sorts of questions, some teasing, some naive, like "do you shop in GAP kids?" and "do you have a Napoleon complex?" I even had a friend (who's under 6 ft himself) sort of crouch down beside me, in public at a Deerhoof show, so he could be at the same height as me "to make me feel more comfortable". He then walked away from me, still holding this crouched position, and searched for a spot that would give me a better view of the stage. I was a little mortified. I think he was being considerate, but it was just too much of a production and totally unnecessary, because if I wanted a better spot, I'd just go & find one.
A coworker once told me I should never become a high school teacher b/c the students wouldn't respect me "you're the same size at them! they'd never take you seriously". I think about this whenever I pass a group of school kids on the street - I could easily blend in with them.
Several times since turning 21 my ID has been refused or ridiculed at bars & stores when I tried to buy beer (most recently last month)(I'm now 28), so sometimes when I go to buy beer I get a little nervous that it's going to be an issue, which then makes me seem suspiciously under age.
I don't even really mind. I like my self and I don't walk around thinking about how small I am. I might not ever t
even think about it if other people didn't bring it up.
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Facial piercings back in the mid-nineties.
Ugh.
"Does that hurt?"
"Yes, I'm in excruciating pain even now as we speak."
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I'm shocked that people give you a hard time about your height, Emily. Surely, there are plenty of 5' 2" women about? Hell, one of my sisters is 5' 1 1/2" and a friend of mine and several other people in this tiny town are about the same. I mean, emma's crazy eyes and Andy' cock sock I get, but a 5' 2" woman? Come on.
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It's true! I've even thought about deliberately wearing heels all the time to make it a non-issue, but I just haven't gotten around to that yet.
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Same sort of thing as Samir, I am an aussie living in London, I get.
"Wow, you're an Aussie, what are you doing here?"
or
"Your from Australia, why did you leave?"
or
"Why don't all you criminals f&%k off back to Australia"
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Holy moly. If anything, this thread just proves how entirely insensitive people can be.
I'm a weird, small-statured guy, but thank god I'm too unapproachable most of the time for anyone to tease me about it.
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(although, you have a pretty intimidating voice, Thomas.)
i have the same problem as Emily (i'm 5' even), but not near the problems. i seem to have lots of tall friends, but they all appreciate my small stature. i refuse to wear shoes to make me taller and ive never had a problem with my I.D. however, i do get from strangers, "Oh my god, you're really short!" a lot. not to mention, around halloween and christmas, there are plenty of jokes about being an oompa loompa or an elf. also, lots of trash talk when we go out and we're forced to sit on bar stools or i have to use the handicap stall in the bathroom- my feet dont touch the ground.
but i will say it makes it easy for me to get to the front at shows when i need to, sleep on love seats when the couch is taken, and im just generally more adorable thanks to my small size.
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Growing up in the midwest, I was often derided/teased for being thin ~ usually in a manner that equated being thin and male with being homosexual.
Moving to the west coast solved that though.
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Growing up in the midwest, I was often derided/teased for being thin ~ usually in a manner that equated being thin and male with being homosexual.
Moving to the west coast solved that though.
I didn't get the gay thing, but I was super skinny growing up and hit puberty late besides.
The people who laughed at me then are now fat bald slobs (bad kind of slob). Good for them. I'm glad being able to shave at age 14 worked out for you, baldy.
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im assuming angstrom means skinny, like the opposite of muscles? or it could mean the opposite of fatso. either way, being called gay because of it=weak.
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My friend and his brother are both about six foot seven.
When they are in bars people always have to come up to them and tell them that they are really tall.
They usually respond by telling the person that they are really ugly.
Its a great shut down.
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They usually respond by telling the person that they are really ugly.
if it were me, that would be the pot calling the kettle black. i cant gamble with this one.
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I hope I get the opportunity to meet Emma some time. If I do, the very first words out of my mouth would be "Daaamn, girl. your eyes is fucked up."
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im assuming angstrom means skinny, like the opposite of muscles? or it could mean the opposite of fatso. either way, being called gay because of it=weak.
Pretty much, not fat, or even "average" and not muscular either. We're talking about 5'9" 120# (though I'm up around 150# now). Of course, dopey boys equate literal size with masculinity, so lacking size = lacking masculinity. Whatever.
It's extremely prevalent for thin guys to get called "faggot" with little no provocation though.
The funniest thing is most of the actual gay men I know are not necessarily small ~ or any particular body type at all.
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I seem to have a look that feels "familiar" to everyone I meet. I do not usually get equated with someone famous, but it is always "You totally remind me of my friend Paul" or "Gosh, isn't he a lot like Dan?!"
What does one say to this? I don't know Paul. I don't know Dan. They may be equating me with a good-looking Mensa member or they may be equating me with the guy on their front stoop who wears a Hefty bag and swears at passing kids.
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"You look like (an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife)" is pretty much always a come-on, but it's a weirdo come-on.
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(although, you have a pretty intimidating voice, Thomas.)
i have the same problem as Emily (i'm 5' even), but not near the problems. i seem to have lots of tall friends, but they all appreciate my small stature. i refuse to wear shoes to make me taller and ive never had a problem with my I.D. however, i do get from strangers, "Oh my god, you're really short!" a lot. not to mention, around halloween and christmas, there are plenty of jokes about being an oompa loompa or an elf. also, lots of trash talk when we go out and we're forced to sit on bar stools or i have to use the handicap stall in the bathroom- my feet dont touch the ground.
but i will say it makes it easy for me to get to the front at shows when i need to, sleep on love seats when the couch is taken, and im just generally more adorable thanks to my small size.
Does this mean there's less of you to love?
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(although, you have a pretty intimidating voice, Thomas.)
i have the same problem as Emily (i'm 5' even), but not near the problems. i seem to have lots of tall friends, but they all appreciate my small stature. i refuse to wear shoes to make me taller and ive never had a problem with my I.D. however, i do get from strangers, "Oh my god, you're really short!" a lot. not to mention, around halloween and christmas, there are plenty of jokes about being an oompa loompa or an elf. also, lots of trash talk when we go out and we're forced to sit on bar stools or i have to use the handicap stall in the bathroom- my feet dont touch the ground.
but i will say it makes it easy for me to get to the front at shows when i need to, sleep on love seats when the couch is taken, and im just generally more adorable thanks to my small size.
Does this mean there's less of you to love?
good heavens, i hope not.
besides, i hear i give the best hugs; if anything, that makes me easier to love.
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My name. I feel comfortable enough that you guys won't stalk me if I tell you my whole name. It's Elizabeth Barrett.
My whole damned life, every time I introduce myself to someone it's been "Oh, like Elizabeth Barrett Browning?" Or, "It's so appropriate that you're a literature major, isn't it?"
Yes, I suppose. I've never HEARD that before. You're so clever.
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(although, you have a pretty intimidating voice, Thomas.)
i have the same problem as Emily (i'm 5' even), but not near the problems. i seem to have lots of tall friends, but they all appreciate my small stature. i refuse to wear shoes to make me taller and ive never had a problem with my I.D. however, i do get from strangers, "Oh my god, you're really short!" a lot. not to mention, around halloween and christmas, there are plenty of jokes about being an oompa loompa or an elf. also, lots of trash talk when we go out and we're forced to sit on bar stools or i have to use the handicap stall in the bathroom- my feet dont touch the ground.
but i will say it makes it easy for me to get to the front at shows when i need to, sleep on love seats when the couch is taken, and im just generally more adorable thanks to my small size.
That's right! I forgot about my voice.
I have a deeper-than-usual voice, especially for my size. It was deep even when I was a little kid, so I've been getting comments from strangers about it my whole life.
"That voice from that body? Damn!"
"You sound like Darth Vader!" *Does Darth Vader impression while repeating what I just said*
"YOU SOUND LIKE THE MOVIE TRAILER GUY. OH MY GOD."
"No, he just sounds like a rapist."*
*Yup, someone said this to me once based only on the pitch of my voice.
I think I've started to unintentionally raise the pitch of my voice so as to not intimidate people. Is there any way my secret santa FOT can send me a voice modulator?
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My name. I feel comfortable enough that you guys won't stalk me if I tell you my whole name. It's Elizabeth Barrett.
My whole damned life, every time I introduce myself to someone it's been "Oh, like Elizabeth Barrett Browning?" Or, "It's so appropriate that you're a literature major, isn't it?"
Yes, I suppose. I've never HEARD that before. You're so clever.
Does anyone ever compare you to Syd Barrett because of your name? I think he's a lot more interesting than E. Barrett Browning.
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This:
- Oh, you write about movies? What movie should I go see tomorrow?
- I don't know, strange person that I've never met before.
- OK, fine. Hey, what's the best movie ever?
- The Hacksawist.
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Be thankful your folks didn't name you Grih Nihn
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My last name is Burns and I grew up in a town called Springfield.
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That's right! I forgot about my voice.
I have a deeper-than-usual voice, especially for my size. It was deep even when I was a little kid, so I've been getting comments from strangers about it my whole life.
"That voice from that body? Damn!"
"You sound like Darth Vader!" *Does Darth Vader impression while repeating what I just said*
"YOU SOUND LIKE THE MOVIE TRAILER GUY. OH MY GOD."
"No, he just sounds like a rapist."*
rapist, doubtful. murderer, possibly. but your glasses match your voice.*
*if this sort of thing existed.
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My last name is Burns and I grew up in a town called Springfield.
oh brother.
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"YOU SOUND LIKE THE MOVIE TRAILER GUY. OH MY GOD."
[...]
I think I've started to unintentionally raise the pitch of my voice so as to not intimidate people. Is there any way my secret santa FOT can send me a voice modulator?
I *guarantee* you've heard this but, like that one guy that used to call the show, you should do voice-over work. How hard could it be? Let us start a conversation on this topic.
Voice modulators only go the other way.
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"YOU SOUND LIKE THE MOVIE TRAILER GUY. OH MY GOD."
[...]
I think I've started to unintentionally raise the pitch of my voice so as to not intimidate people. Is there any way my secret santa FOT can send me a voice modulator?
I *guarantee* you've heard this but, like that one guy that used to call the show, you should do voice-over work. How hard could it be? Let us start a conversation on this topic.
Voice modulators only go the other way.
I have indeed heard this. I do creative spoken word stuff that I've mostly kept to myself, but if I could make a living from my voice, I obviously would. I just don't know where to start. Do I need an agent or something?
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(although, you have a pretty intimidating voice, Thomas.)
i have the same problem as Emily (i'm 5' even), but not near the problems. i seem to have lots of tall friends, but they all appreciate my small stature. i refuse to wear shoes to make me taller and ive never had a problem with my I.D. however, i do get from strangers, "Oh my god, you're really short!" a lot. not to mention, around halloween and christmas, there are plenty of jokes about being an oompa loompa or an elf. also, lots of trash talk when we go out and we're forced to sit on bar stools or i have to use the handicap stall in the bathroom- my feet dont touch the ground.
but i will say it makes it easy for me to get to the front at shows when i need to, sleep on love seats when the couch is taken, and im just generally more adorable thanks to my small size.
Does this mean there's less of you to love?
good heavens, i hope not.
besides, i hear i give the best hugs; if anything, that makes me easier to love.
I can vouch for this.
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Mine is similar to Beth's. I have the same name as some N.F.L. quarterback. Bank tellers and mechanics especially seem to draw attention to this fact. I have zero interest in football.
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My name. I feel comfortable enough that you guys won't stalk me if I tell you my whole name. It's Elizabeth Barrett.
My whole damned life, every time I introduce myself to someone it's been "Oh, like Elizabeth Barrett Browning?" Or, "It's so appropriate that you're a literature major, isn't it?"
Yes, I suppose. I've never HEARD that before. You're so clever.
Ha! Once I briefly dated a guy named "Dave Dickinson" and he was like, "If we get married you'll be Emily Dickinson".
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I seem to have a look that feels "familiar" to everyone I meet. I do not usually get equated with someone famous, but it is always "You totally remind me of my friend Paul" or "Gosh, isn't he a lot like Dan?!"
What does one say to this? I don't know Paul. I don't know Dan. They may be equating me with a good-looking Mensa member or they may be equating me with the guy on their front stoop who wears a Hefty bag and swears at passing kids.
This happens to me with some frequency as well. I usually say "yeah, I get that a lot, I guess I just have a pretty generic face." Most times, the person I'm speaking with will immediately go "no no...." and try and find ways to compliment me, which I like.
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I share a last name with these creeps:
(http://www.thebiographychannel.co.uk/images/biographies/main/1912_bio_homepage_main.jpg)
I was given a reprieve from having to recognize that they the gentleman with the mustache was not my dad for most of the nineties, but then he came back with his whole crappy crap family and now I go through the same business all over again. That, and I live on a street that rhymes with my name, which for some reason people that work at tire shops find HI-LARIOUS. I say this because they've started laughing uncontrollably at noticing this coincidence at two different and unrelated tire shops and no one else seems to give a shit.
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Is there any way my secret santa FOT can send me a voice modulator?
How about a tank of helium?
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I seem to have a look that feels "familiar" to everyone I meet. I do not usually get equated with someone famous, but it is always "You totally remind me of my friend Paul" or "Gosh, isn't he a lot like Dan?!"
What does one say to this? I don't know Paul. I don't know Dan. They may be equating me with a good-looking Mensa member or they may be equating me with the guy on their front stoop who wears a Hefty bag and swears at passing kids.
I get this ALL the time. People young and old, far and wide, seem to think I remind them of their friend Steve from grade school. When I taught in the projects they thought I looked like Eminem, but that made sense since white people all look the same.
If you ever figure out a good response to this one, let me know.
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I share a last name with these creeps:
(http://www.thebiographychannel.co.uk/images/biographies/main/1912_bio_homepage_main.jpg)
I was given a reprieve from having to recognize that they the gentleman with the mustache was not my dad for most of the nineties, but then he came back with his whole crappy crap family and now I go through the same business all over again. That, and I live on a street that rhymes with my name, which for some reason people that work at tire shops find HI-LARIOUS. I say this because they've started laughing uncontrollably at noticing this coincidence at two different and unrelated tire shops and no one else seems to give a shit.
Your name is John Bollea?
You sure do spend a lot of time a tire shops.
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As a kid, I saw star wars kinda late. I mean, it was on video for my childhood. I was born the year Jedi came out. Some people think that's what inspired the name Luke, no joke.
So imagine growing up and having kids on the playground constantly referencing one of the biggest spoilers in movie history to you: "LUKE... I AM YOUR FATHER"
I also got Maxwell-house, and Maxwell Smart from Adults.
But I've only heard this ONCE:
"Luke Maxwell. So, do you max well?"
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Also I worked for a movie theater for years and accrued a collection of movie t-shirts that would ultimately become part of my regular wardrobe. So people would approach me and ask me why I was such a big fan of "Christmas with the Kranks"
(my best movie shirt: Barbershop 2 on the front, Agent Cody Banks 2 on the back. figure that one out).
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I have a DMX/Steven Seagal EXIT WOUNDS t-shirt. I don't even know where I got it from.
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It could be worse, John Junk. I share a last name with this guy:
(http://www.nndb.com/people/232/000022166/varney01.jpg)
To be honest, this hasn't been much of a conversation starter since, say, 1988, but just when I think I've seen the end of it, some bad-movie lifer brings it up and I'm forced to revisit the horror all over.
At least he's got the Toy Story thing going for him.
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(my best movie shirt: Barbershop 2 on the front, Agent Cody Banks 2 on the back. figure that one out).
That is fantastic.
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I share the same first name with
(http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee183/gaughin/theduke.jpg)
I don't even want to share the same world with him.
I can't tell you how many times I have introduced myself as David and the response has been "Like that racist bastard, huh?" It's a constant bone of contention.
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As a kid, I saw star wars kinda late. I mean, it was on video for my childhood. I was born the year Jedi came out. Some people think that's what inspired the name Luke, no joke.
So imagine growing up and having kids on the playground constantly referencing one of the biggest spoilers in movie history to you: "LUKE... I AM YOUR FATHER"
I also got Maxwell-house, and Maxwell Smart from Adults.
But I've only heard this ONCE:
"Luke Maxwell. So, do you max well?"
Wait, I thought your name was Jixby Phillips.
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If the fact I don't have a mobile phone [edit: a cell phone, I forgot myself. I am deeply sorry] comes up then that can lead to a world of trouble. It's like announcing you beat up kittens and have no intention of stopping.
I share the same first name with
(http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee183/gaughin/theduke.jpg)
I don't even want to share the same world with him.
I can't tell you how many times I have introduced myself as David and the response has been "Like that racist bastard, huh?" It's a constant bone of contention.
What? I can't even begin to understand thought process.
...his name is David.
Quick! Think of all the things you can associate with the name David...
......
........
...
Hey, David Duke!!
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(http://www.multinet.no/~jonarne/Hjemmesia/Favorittartister/davidbowie/david_bowie_1973.jpg)
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(http://www.thepublishingcontrarian.com/wp-includes/images/DavidMamet.jpg)
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One of my friends finally had to get rid of his analog cell phone this past summer when the providers pulled the plug on analog signal across MN. Despite what he says, I think the phone was an intentional conversation starter. To me, it was no conversation at all since it was always in his car charging making it impossible to actually start a conversation.
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It could be worse, John Junk. I share a last name with this guy:
(http://www.nndb.com/people/232/000022166/varney01.jpg)
Your last name isn't "Worrel" right?
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I share the same first name with
(http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee183/gaughin/theduke.jpg)
I don't even want to share the same world with him.
I can't tell you how many times I have introduced myself as David and the response has been "Like that racist bastard, huh?" It's a constant bone of contention.
What? I can't even begin to understand thought process.
...his name is David.
Quick! Think of all the things you can associate with the name David...
......
........
...
Hey, David Duke!!
Don't worry Dave. You share a name with many awesome Davids, including my dad!
(http://www.capdefnet.org/fdprc/about_us/who_we_are/david_ruhnke2.jpg)
His picture was actually the very first thing to come up when I image searched him. Although I guess there aren't too many David Ruhnke's in the world.
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...when working while listening to Tom.
Because of the pacing people think I'm on speakerphone with a client a lot of the time.
Or as Samir may appreciate as a soccer fan residing in the US. People assuming that if I'm watching a soccer match in my office that the world cup must be going on.
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Everytime I go out and just want to let my lizard hang out on my shoulder/neck area, people always want to come up and talk to me about it, but I just want to go the bank and run some errands!
(apologies to PFT...)
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That's funny, everytime I go out and just want to let my lizard hang out, I get arrested. (don't judge)
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(my best movie shirt: Barbershop 2 on the front, Agent Cody Banks 2 on the back. figure that one out).
That is fantastic next year's t-shirt premium.
Fixed.
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Dang. David Mamet totally looks like someone I wouldn't necessarily want to meet.
Guess that shouldn't surprise me too much.