FOT Forum
FOT Community => General Discussion => Topic started by: Chris L on December 15, 2008, 10:25:24 AM
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Like they said in The Blues Brothers, "Let's reform the band again (http://www.friendsoftom.com/forum/index.php/topic,1359.0.html)." I think we have more people willing to try this time. I'm not suggesting genres for any of my names but feel free to do so for yours:
Christian Bale
Mary Lynn Rajskub
Charles Barkley
GO!
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"Streetieness"
Shaq is Willamel, a soul-singing trubador whose street-smarts and back-sass always get him into trouble and keep him from landing that Big Deal that will propel him to the top.
But when A&R rep Eliza, played by Mary Lynn Raj, is so moved by his heartfelt singing that she is brought to tears (driven home by a five minute split shot of tears running down her face while Shaq sings in the background, with NO cutting away), she decides she must polish this diamond in the rough. Can she keep him grounded enough to make his way in the cutthroat music industry, while holding onto the "Streetieness" that makes him genuine?
And how will she deal with a shadowy character from Willamel's past... Clendle, the NyQuil-addled street-tough, played with intensity by Christian Bale.
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Shaq.
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Shaq.
haha
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Christian Bale.
How much weight does he have to lose for the role?
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Shaq.
haha
:'(
Oh, and people have to suggest more names.
:'(
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Trent Reznor
Mitt Romney
Jon Hamm
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HA! Did I just make a mistake that my Dad would have made?
"Who is that guy who sings The Soprano's? 'Bono?' What kind of name is that?!?"
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:'(
Oh, and people have to suggest more names.
:'(
Catherine Zeta-Jones would be good.
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Trent Reznor
Mitt Romney
Jon Hamm
Dramatic thriller, Trent Reznor plays a politically minded stalker/killer that kidnaps Mitt Romney (who plays himself). He then blackmails Romney using information that would jeopardize his political career, so instead of going to the authorities, the LDS church sends in one of its own. Jon Hamm is the young Mormon private investigator assigned to the case, but Reznor traps him in his psychological web, tormenting him and trying to tear his beliefs apart before killing him. In the end Hamm Saves Romney but is changed fundamentally by the experience, so he quits the church dramatically.
Bill Murray
Jamie Foxx
Paul Giamatti
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trying to tear his beliefs briefs apart before killing him.
What I originally read.
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Bill Murray
Jamie Foxx
Paul Giamatti
Jamie Foxx is a private male nurse who provides constant care for Bill Murray, an extremely wealthy but severely retarded heir to an old railroad fortune.
But, the railroad money is about to run out. Jamie Foxx is sad, but he is going to have no choice but to put Bill Murray into a publicly funded home and sign up with Private Care Associates, a nursing agency known for its strict disciple and no-fun-allowed approach to dealing with patients.
On his last day with Bill Murray, Foxx takes him on a trip through their favorite Manhattan stops. On their way to the cotton candy museum, they spy a curious-looking shop they never have seen before. Stepping in, among dusty books and strange curios they see a wizened, 90-year-old Paul Giamatti, who will solve their problems with gypsy magic--but with not a few mishaps along the way!
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I am so glad this thread has gone back from the dead. More names! WANT!
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Daniel Day-Lewis
Artie Lange
Shaquille O'Neal, credited as Charles Barkley
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What is this game? Can someone 'splain?
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The Build-A-Movie game! Listen to the show it began from (http://www.wfmu.org/listen.ram?show=18146&archive=25855).
Someone calls in to give Tom three celebrities, then he builds a movie around them on the spot. Of all the old topics I've heard, this is the one I would most want to call in about now. I'm just terrified of being thrown off a ship in the middle of the ocean with the intention of being drowned!
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Daniel Day-Lewis
Artie Lange
Shaquille O'Neal, credited as Charles Barkley
Daniel Day-Lewis and Artie Lange return to South Africa for their grandfather's funeral. Lange ("Nicky Zaduta") is an alcoholic living in Palm Beach, having recently run his most recent trust-funded business into the ground with a taste for cocaine that would make even the champions of the Williamsburg Kickball League squeamish. His brother Edward (played by Day-Lewis) is a corporate lawyer from Manhattan; rumors are that Day-Lewis spent 18 months working as a paralegal incognito in order to get into character. Edward and Nicky haven't spoken in years; Charles has contempt for his brother's wild lifestyle, while Nicky thinks that Edward is a heartless dick. When they return, they meet Charles, known around town as "Gnarls", who has purchased their grandfather's estate in Johannesburg. In a touching and revealing series of conversations and flashbacks, we learn of the apartheid history of their family, and Nicky and Edward realize that nothing can overcome the bonds of family, especially the Family of Man. Charles forgives the family and his dedication to his own family gives the Zaduta Brothers a mean case of white guilt. At the funeral, Charles dunks the grandfather's urn full of ashes, two-hand, and busts a rap as the credits roll (a contractual requirement for Shaq).
"die bande van familie is die ergste slawerny van alle ..."
"The Bonds of Family Are the Worst Slavery Of All"
James Caan
Katherine Heigl
Idris "Stringer Bell" Elba
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James Caan
Katherine Heigl
Idris "Stringer Bell" Elba
Famed auteur Uwe Boll changes pace and siphons some Judd Apatow comedy magic in this unofficial sequel to the smash hit Knocked Up. Katherine Heigl bravely reprises her starmaking role while simultaneously taking out full-page ads in the press and posting banner ads on Greencine decrying the new film's content. Ten years have passed since Seth Rogen's character (here replaced by a bewigged Idris Elba in flashbacks) fell under the spell of a shadowy internet collective and went underground to blow up eHarmony's corporate headquarters. Heigl is more successful than ever though, having parlayed her E! hosting gig into a fledgling political career (<-- satire). But another ill-advised night of partying threatens to undo everything, when this time she's "knocked up" by pitiful, homeless schizophrenic James Caan. The iconic film poster for G4 Presents: Bum in the Oven places Caan's dazed mug - ravaged by two decades of physical and mental rot - front-and-center, much to the delight of laugh-starved summer audiences. Boll also takes a subtle, timely jab at Sarah Palin, as Heigl launches a shrewd plan to hide the pregnancy and pass Caan’s spawn off as belonging to her now-10-year-old daughter from the previous film, but instead she finds herself gradually won over by Caan’s rancid, tragic charm. The last 1/3 of the film boldly eschews narrative resolution as the characters spontaneously band together to torture and execute a real-life critic from a small-market Arizona newspaper who was mildly critical of Boll in 2005. Along the way the film not only makes fun of Heath Ledger’s death and the Mumbai terror attacks, but shows Caan taunting squirrels suffering through the recent acorn shortage for good measure.
Meryl Streep
Sean Hannity
Luis Guzman
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Meryl Streep
Sean Hannity
Luis Guzman
Luis Guzman plays a mechanic who spends most of the movie locked inside a garage kicking the shit out of Sean Hannity, who's playing a guy that can't stop crying. About 45 minutes in, Meryl Streep makes an appearance as some lady looking to pick up her car. When she sees Luis Guzman delivering this beating, she runs over to stop him. She breaks up the beating using her classic Meryl Streep bravery and authority, then rushes over to the bloodied heap on the floor. She turns the weeping man over to get a better look at his wounds, but when she realizes it is Sean Hannity, she just ends up helping Luis Guzman kick the shit out of him for the next 45 minutes. They use wrenches and stuff. The End.
Jon Lovitz
Dan Akroyd
Tim Allen
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Jon Lovitz
Dan Akroyd
Tim Allen
Dan Aykroyd and Tim Allen are longtime friends and neighbors with failed marriages behind them and distended livers in front of them. To regain some of their lost youth, they decide to renew the junior high spelling bee rivalry that shaped the course of their lives. The typical high energy montage of "guys gettng in shape" is here extended to 47 minutes of wry dictionary gags and synced to a previously unheard collaboration between Steve Crooper, David Sandborn and Jeffrey Lee Pierce. These guys may be spelling champs, but it turns out the only three letters in their alphabet are L-O-L. Featuring Jon Lovitz as a nefarious, white-maned, tattooed Russian mobster trying to fix the bee results in favor of his nephew, Tarkovsky.
Sophia Loren
Morrissey
Frank Caliendo
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Sophia Loren
Morrissey
Frank Caliendo
That's right, I'm just going to do my own, as someone in the chat sorta requested a revive (good enough for me).
The producers of the always-durable James Bond franchise seek to strike goldfinger/en-eye/pussy twice with pop star-by-night, secret agent-by-day-or-night Dean Wilde, portrayed by famous music-affiliated personality Morrissey. But this new guy does things a little differently than 007: Whereas Bond would jump on any woman with lungs, gills, or both, Wilde is aloof, sexually ambiguous, and more likely to be found writhing on top of a rock than an exotic, filthily-monikered lady. Wilde's first adventure finds him doing battle with the sinister Dr. Chameliendo, who is able to flawlessly impersonate the rich and powerful while convincing everyone else the victim has gained a substantial amount of weight. Chameliendo assumes Bob Geldof's identity and announces plans for a massive animal rights benefit called Petsaid, with the goal of soliciting millions of encouraging texts for an animal shelter in Swindon. At first, Wilde is only too eager to lend his singing talent to the non-human-helping cause, but NME columnist Sheila Takeabow (Loren) soon informs him she's uncovered a dark secret: once the "animal shelter" receives the texts, Dr. Chameliendo will send a signal back to all the phones that will turn the phones into super-lasers and the owners into mindless zombies who find Chameliendo hilarious and want to do his bidding. Wilde's bosses at SMITHs (Spy Monitoring and Interception of Technological Hazards) don't buy any of this, and are all like "what difference does it make," and "that joke isn't funny anymore" and "barbarism begins at home" (?) when Wilde tries to explain the danger, so Wilde must go off the grid and stop Chameliendo himself in... MEAT IS GOLDENMURDER. As one producer recently told Variety, "come on, you should have figured out from the title QUANTUM OF SOLACE that we were going in a really mopey direction."
Mickey Rourke
Tim Heidecker (from Tim & Eric)
Rivers Cuomo
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Rivers Cuomo is a recovering meth addict working as a janitor at a Flying J truck stop. He's had some rough patches in his life, but he dreams big. His twin brother, Tim Heidecker, wants nothing to do with him. Tim is a partner in a venture capital firm that primarily funds Web 2.0 startups (this movie is set in 2004). His partner, Mickey Rourke, is a wizened veteran of the late 1990s tech bubble who thinks Tim is being reckless and overly optimistic with his investments.
At a family gathering, Rivers buttonholes Tim and pitches him on a business plan of his. Tim, of course, just brushes it off. But when Tim's latest investment starts to get shaky because of a patent dispute with Real Networks, he remembers Rivers' plan and realizes that he has no choice but to turn to him. Today we know of the company that Rivers Cuomo and Tim Heidecker founded as Cuil, the world's biggest search engine.
Summer Glau
Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle
Whoopi Goldberg
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"Millions of encouraging texts for an animal shelter in Swindon" made me guffaw.
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Summer Glau
Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle
Whoopi Goldberg
The film is called "Butcher Boy." Summer Glau plays Emma Priest, a young film student in NYC. There is a murder spree in Manhattan. The killer leaves the words "Butcher Boy" scrawled in blood on mirrors in the victims' homes. Priest comes home one night to find her roommate has become a victim of the Butcher Boy. Whoopi Goldberg plays one of Priest's teachers at film school, Professor Kelly Leet. Leet explains to Priest that there is an old Fatty Arbuckle short comedy from 1917 called "The Butcher Boy" and that she happens to be the world's foremost expert on old silent comedies and specifically the repertoire of Arbuckle. That being said, she does not see any parallel between the old film and the murders occurring in New York.
But Burke becomes obsessed. She does not leave her apartment for weeks, watching the old film over and over for clues. Then, upon the fiftieth viewing, she realizes it's not the visuals that hold the clues...it is the printed dialog. Priest notices that each time dialog is printed on the screen, it includes the name of one victim. For example, the dialog references a dog named Teddy. Her roommate's name had been Teddy. Now there is only one piece of dialog left: The one in which Arbuckle tells his love that they should find a priest and get married.
Whoopi as Professor Leet turns out to be the "Butcher Boy" and chases Priest around for a while in an old film archive. I don't know, I guess it ends with Glau hitting Goldberg over the head with a film canister.
Now it's YOUR turn:
Klaus Kinski
Oliver Platt
Verne Troyer
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Now it's YOUR turn:
Klaus Kinski
Oliver Platt
Verne Troyer
Let me just say, this is one of the ugliest lineups imagined. I went for a heartfelt story but the presence of Troyer means one thing only:
THE GUYS WHO BROUGHT YOU DATE MOVIE AND SCARY MOVIE 3 PRESENT: BENJI BOTTOMS! The story of a reverse-aging man with an insatiable desire for breasts and a severe flatulence issue, we follow this path of Benji (played by Troyer, Platt, and Kinski) as he develops his knack for both grabbing chests (with his patented catchphrase "Holy Gazungas!") and for farting on command, including: his time spent as a spy during the Great Wars sending messages in Morse Fart Code (including the tension-filled moment when he's caught by the Nazis after a lunch of broccoli and has to hold on to his message even while being his in the nuts with frankfurters), his time spent in vaudeville (pursuing both of his passions), and his redemption as an artist with the Royal Opera of Vienna (playing his butt and seducing a busty trombonist). Cameos include Leslie Nielson as the frumpy evil King of Germany, D.L. Hughley as his vaudeville sidekick, and Carmen Electra as his nurse Chesty McBreasticle.
Poster tagline: "You'll laugh, You'll cry, You'll poot" or "He'll get to the Bottoms (and tops!) of Life" or "Take a squeeze out of Life"
Sam Rockwell
Sarah Jessica Parker
Pre-recorded Bernie Mac
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THE GUYS WHO BROUGHT YOU DATE MOVIE AND SCARY MOVIE 3 PRESENT: BENJI BOTTOMS! The story of a reverse-aging man with an insatiable desire for breasts and a severe flatulence issue, we follow this path of Benji (played by Troyer, Platt, and Kinski) as he develops his knack for both grabbing chests (with his patented catchphrase "Holy Gazungas!") and for farting on command, including: his time spent as a spy during the Great Wars sending messages in Morse Fart Code (including the tension-filled moment when he's caught by the Nazis after a lunch of broccoli and has to hold on to his message even while being his in the nuts with frankfurters), his time spent in vaudeville (pursuing both of his passions), and his redemption as an artist with the Royal Opera of Vienna (playing his butt and seducing a busty trombonist). Cameos include Leslie Nielson as the frumpy evil King of Germany, D.L. Hughley as his vaudeville sidekick, and Carmen Electra as his nurse Chesty McBreasticle.
[/quote]
I laughed. I cried. I pooted. WELL DONE!
[Although I am a little offended, because my mother's name is Chesty McBreasticle.]
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Sam Rockwell
Sarah Jessica Parker
Pre-recorded Bernie Mac
In the 853rd century, the sun will begin to falter and humanity will only survive when octillionaire Terrell Benedict (Andy Garcia, who will look like a green Dr. Manhattan thanks to state of the art CGI effects) develops Project Solaris, an artificial replacement for the sun. Earth and its colonies fall under the iron rule of the sinister Benedict thanks to the mysterious signals emitted by Solaris, which bend the human mind and enslaves the galaxy to Benedict's will. Soon, a rebellious cyborg named D’Neo Xan (Sam Rockwell) learns a shocking truth: the sun did not extinguish, but was instead transported to a neighboring solar system to serve as the crown jewel of Benedict’s collection of rare and priceless objects. Determined to free humanity from the clutches of Benedict Interplanetary, Xan devises a daring plan to steal back the sun. But he’s going to need some help, and there’s no one better for the job than history’s greatest thief – and Xan’s ancestor – Danny Ocean (George Clooney)!
Back in the 21st century, Danny and his crew are in the middle of planning their most audacious caper yet: simultaneously pulling all three scams from Ocean’s 11, Ocean’s 12 and Ocean’s 13 in the exact same ways they did the first time around. Donning a fake moustache to disguise himself, Xan arrives with the intent to pull a Five Doctors (kidnapping the gang from the timestream), but is discovered when the electromagnetic field powering his cybernetic limbs interferes with Reuben’s (Elliot Gould) pacemaker. Xan explains the situation and begs the crew for their help, but Danny explains that they are already in the middle of their own elaborate triple-heist. Luckily, Roman Nagel (Eddie Izzard) shows up and a plan is formed: Frank (Bernie Mac, using footage of Mac from the previous three movies) will remain in the past to continue setting up their current heists, while Roman will take Frank's place on the team and accompany Xan in the future.*
And so Danny, Rusty (Brad Pitt), the guy Matt Damon plays (Matt Damon) and the other ones all go to the future with Xan to steal back the sun and disable Solaris. Will their throwback style and retro schemes be enough to foil the vile Benedict and the amazing technology at his disposal in the 853rd Century? Yes. Will Frank be able to keep the 21st Century heists going by recreating his actions exactly from the first three movies? No. But not to worry, as he’ll get some help...in the form of Danny’s wife Tess (Sarah Jessica Parker, taking over for Julia Roberts)!**
The stakes are higher than ever in Ocean’s 1,000,000, the final chapter of the film series that has provided mild diversion for filmgoers around the world!
*Note: This will largely be considered a massive plot hole by those who question why the Ocean gang doesn’t just go to the future, pull their caper and then return to the present moments after they left. But this is not a plot hole, this is simply not how time travel works in the Ocean’s Eleven universe based on the rules established in the prior films in the series.
**The casting change is explained when we learn that Tess has just emerged from partially-successful experimental reconstructive facial surgery following a freak accident that happened after the second movie, which explains why she wasn't in the third one.
Mickey Rourke
Mickey Rooney
Micky Dolenz
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All these movies sound far too plausible. I wouldn't be surprised to see them on the silver screen someday. ("Silver screen" is an odd term, isn't it? I mean, screens are white or grayish, not silver, damn it. I know "silver" is sometimes used poetically for "gray," but it implies shininess, an attribute only a bad screen would possess.)
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I BELIEVE it's called "the golden silver screen".
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Wes, I bow to you. The "serve as the crown jewel of Benedict’s collection of rare and priceless objects" -- the idea of pompous green Andy Gracia throwing a cocktail party and then, at the opportune time, pulling the drapes back to say "ladies and gentlemen, I give, the SUN." --- brilliant.
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Mickey Rourke
Mickey Rooney
Micky Dolenz
Antonia Christina Basilotta: She's Really Not There
In a series of short vignettes, Mickeys Rourke, Rooney and Dolenz each play American Renaissance woman Toni Basil at various points in her art-drenched life.
Rourke plays Basil in the mid-60's, as the choreographer and member of the dance troupe the Shindiggers for the massive TV hit Shindig. Rourke drew on his real-life inebriated experiences as a fall-down drunk in recreating some of the popular dance steps used in the set pieces, including the Mashed Potato and the Madison. The part of Basil's fellow Shindigger Teri Garr is played by Bob Dylan.
Rooney plays the late-60's Basil, appearing prominently in as a prostitute in the film production of Easy Rider. The part of Peter Fonda is played by Bob Dylan.
Dolenz plays Basil during her period of MTV dominance. Dolenz draws upon his experience as a dancer and singer with the Monkees to recreate the production of the music video "Oh Mickey". The part of MTV DJ JJ Jackson is played by Bob Dylan.
The vignettes are woven together in a rich tapestry illustrating the interconnectedness of life and art from the mid-60's to the late 80's to create a rich life-affirming collage that leads to one undeniable fact: we are ALL Toni Basil and Bob Dylan is all people.
Roy Orbison
Ray Romano
Tilda Swinton
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As an aside, I just saw Burn After Reading, and Tilda Swinton's line, "I'm not one of your 'shithole buddies'" is fantastic.
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All these movies sound far too plausible. I wouldn't be surprised to see them on the silver screen someday. ("Silver screen" is an odd term, isn't it? I mean, screens are white or grayish, not silver, damn it. I know "silver" is sometimes used poetically for "gray," but it implies shininess, an attribute only a bad screen would possess.)
I think they are silver, or at least reflective. At the movie theatre I used to work at, mischief-makers would occasionally throw moistened gummi bears at the screen. They'd stick to it, and when removed, take some of the reflective coating off, which would then look like a gummi-bear-shaped darker spot in any picture projected there for all of eternity.
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Huh. I don't remember the one in the theater I used to help clean when I was fifteen being at all shiny.
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I still remember when it was called "the big screen," before everyone just listened to movies on their bluetooth.
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“Cost of Rica” -- 2 out of 4.5 stars
By: Mike Longbert, Movie Reviewer for NewBridge New Herald:
Movies about child labor exploitation are few and far between, and this mediocre film will do nothing to reverse the trend.
A Los Angeles-based Hawaiian shirt manufacturer, played by Roy Orbison, has moved his factory to Costa Rica in search of cheaper labor and laxer regulations. Heading Orbison’s factory is former California surfing sensation, Ray Romano, who, the movie informs us, won a surfing Olympic gold medal at the tender age of 11. The roles are clichéd: Orbison is the evil exploiter with no shades of grey to his character, while Romano plays the man with a conscience, who gets to show his insecurities and pangs over the choices he takes. The plot is quite simple. Orbison catches the rumor that a reporter from the states is posing as a child worker and filming the factory’s conditions for a documentary. Orbinson gives Romano the task of finding and eliminating the mole. Orbison and Romano first suspect Julio, the young Costa Rican boy played amazingly well by chameleon Tilda Swinton. Swinton’s character has been taking surfing lessons from Romano and the two have developed friendship, as Romano states, “based on the pure love of the curl, man.” [**Spolier Alert**] The film’s great “reveal,” after Romano must choose between his pay and his conscience, is that the mole was not Swinton; it was actually Amy Sedaris posing as a twelve-year-old seamstress. Despite the film's flaws, the soundtrack, by the band Zeke, is powerfully affecting and works well with the lush rain forest images.
John Hodgman
Frank Stallone
Kate Hudson
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John Hodgman
Frank Stallone
Kate Hudson
It's the Wacky Races!
A live-action remake of the Hanna-Barbera "classic." John Hodgman plays Peter Potamus, heir to a Greek shipping empire and playboy about town. His love interest is Kate Hudson's harebrained Penelope Pitstop. Peter and Penelope are on vacation, racing their way across America in the Gumball 3000 rally.
Little do they know, though, that Peter's estranged, adopted twin brother Dick Dastardly, played by Frank Stallone, is working to sabotage the race, and their love. Dastardly knows that Peter leads a double life as a secret agent in a world-wide network of elite assassins. Penelope is unaware of Peter's secret pass-time, which complicate her efforts to win his heart. Whenever she gets too close, Peter puts on the brakes. The constant presence of the Ant Hill Mob (Andy Milonakis in a star turn with CGI help) also gives Peter pause, but when the Mob is taken hostage by the villainous Dastardly, Peter expresses a change of heart.
With John Hodgman, Kate Hudson, Frank Stallone, Andy Milonakis, and Martin Short as an especially convincing Muttley.
GO*
Nick Cassavetes
Gene Kelly
Peter Noone
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GO*
Nick Cassavetes
Gene Kelly
Peter Noone
Not the best entry but this'll maybe get things rolling again:
Herman's Hermits' Peter Noone stars in an esoteric sci-fi drama that combines elements of David Bowie’s THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH with traditional hermit lore. Noone plays Rocky Barrett, an eremitic enigma who becomes a begrudging media sensation when his hut suddenly materializes in the U.S. Capitol Rotunda. A boneheaded reactionary general (Gene Kelly) spearheads several efforts to remove or destroy the hut – ranging from poisoning the hermit’s beloved orange soda to lobbing hollowed-out copies of Against the Day filled with compressed sulfur - all of which fail. Noone eventually agrees to divulge his secret purpose in return for a capable Kelly krump routine. It turns out the only way Noone can return to his home in Alter-Middle-Valhalla is to derive a magic teeth whitening formula from the cranium of a kooky mystic (Nick Cassavetes), so the military sets out to aid him in his quest. Also of note: Noone spends most of the film in various states of fleshy repose and his penis appears on screen a record 42 times*, including a topical-for-March 2009 sequence where it "lip syncs" "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter" at a right wing teabag party (the political kind… at first).
*subsequently cut to 35 to secure US distribution.
Robert Duvall
Levi Johnston
Necro Butcher (by overwhelming demand)
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From the co-executive producer of AMERICAN PIRANHA and the art department of HANDS OFF: THE NORMAN BRINKOWICH STORY comes DO ME A SOLID, based on the true events that shocked a generation. Robert Duvall stars as Leon Crabshoot, a retired Miami airplane mechanic with a murky past, who one day while out fishing is hijacked by a young troublemaker called Burt (Levi Johnston) who claims to be on the lam, and demands that Crabshoot takes his boat deep into the swamps to hide out from John Q Law. Once in the murky swamps however, Burt (now uneasy friends with Crabshoot) reveals his real plan: to seek out his biological father, the nefarious Nero Slaughter (Necro Butcher), controversial leader and high priest of the Extreme Swamp Wrestling Church of Jesus. Will Burt's and Crabshoot's descent into the murky swamp hell bring them together as a team, or swallow them whole? Will Burt confront his father or follow in his footsteps? And just why does Crabshoot know so much about the church's murky past?
The critics agree: DO ME A SOLID sets a new standard for gritty, murky swamp-church-wrestling action-horror. The climactic sequence onboard a speeding canoe alone makes Apocalypse Now look like "Love Actually without balls" (AO Scott), and during a screening in Tokyo, Japan, it is rumoured that several in the audience gasped at the shame Burt brought on to his family by hijacking the fishingboat (a punishable offense in Japan).
Adapted by David Mamet from the sensational May 16, 2003 Miami Times Neptune City Herald News Daily article and directed by renowned visionary director Grak, DO ME A SOLID has already been making the festival rounds in upper Asia and parts of Belgium. Now screening for the first time in all major US cities, see the once-in-a-lifetime drama that the critics called "fascinating" (Elvis Mitchell) and "what time is it?" (Roger Ebert).
Peter Bogdanovich
Grace Jones
Joe the Plumber
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Peter Bogdanovich
Grace Jones
Joe the Plumber
The movie opens in an Upper East Side apartment, lit by the tendrils of early winter sunshine crawling across the battered corpse of Joe the Plumber. His blood has pooled on the expansive white carpet. A light turns on, and in walks a robed Grace Jones, who shrieks in horror. Dennis Kucinich emerges from the darkness with bloodied hands and laughs diabolically.
Title Card: Objection: Mediocrity
It's 1978 Cleveland, where a young and golden-locked Joe the Plumber is in law school. He meets and falls in love with his Ethics professor (Peter Bogdanovich), though the love affair turns sour as Bogdanovich realizes how stupid Joe is. Bogdanovich devises an elaborate ruse to poison Plumber by serving him tainted corned beef hash, but the concoction only leaves Plumber dumber and bald. Bogdanovich is not longer attracted to the chrome-domed dingbat, faking his own death in the Cuyahoga River and escaping to New York to practice law. Grace Jones plays herself, a conceptual artist and musician. Dudley Moore cameos as Mayor Dennis Kucinich, whose tumultuous relationship with Grace Jones toggles between Kucinich professing his love to Jones and the young mayor trying to ban conceptual art. Jones leaves town and breaks Kucinich's heart. In the late 80s, Bogdanovich defends Jones in her cocaine trial and the charges are dropped. They begin a steamy romance. Joe the Plumber comes to New York in the present day and sees Bogdanovich on the streets, following him home. He confronts him and pushes him into his home, and a tussle ensues. A gunshot rings out and Bogdanovich flees. Kucinich mistakes Plumber for the beau of Jones, and waits for her to awake from her booze-fueled slumber. Movie ends with Bogdanovich getting on a Bolt Bus with a fake moustache.
Ouch, that hurt. But it was worth it to bump this thread back up.
Recession special!
Tim Russert footage from Meet The Press
Jeff Garland
Vanessa Williams
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Recession special!
Tim Russert footage from Meet The Press
Jeff Garland
Vanessa Williams
Jeff Garlin embodies the titular role in veteran director Syndie Virgkin's new corporate thriller, LEONARD BLOOMBERRY. Garlin plays a shadowy, much-coveted, and highly feared "Undoer;" someone who is paid by competing or vindictive third parties to sabotage delicate corporate negotiations or carefully brokered deals at the last minute. The film opens with Bloomberry driving late at night, in the midst of unraveling a new deal, when he is mysteriously and conveniently entranced by a Quiznos advertising their new Peanut Butter and Veal Carbonara sub for $4.99. LB slowly - very slowly - approaches the closed restaurant just in time to survive his car exploding, which momentarily diverts his attention from the ad. The film then flashes back to Vanessa Williams - corporate affiliation unknown - hiring LB to sabotage air system titan Igloo Hydra's impending deal to buy NBC from General Electric. LB quickly launches a plan to scare shareholders by convincing them that Igloo Hydra aims to install dehumidifiers in popular NBC stars like Tina Fey and Creed Bratton (coincidentally, it's later mentioned that Jay Leno has already eagerly volunteered for just such a procedure). Soon, however, LB uncovers Williams’ true motives: she is both an NBC mid-coast programmer and the lover of NBC reporter Luke Russert, son of the late Tim Russert. LB angrily confronts Williams over her subterfuge (a word he uses repeatedly, emphasizing the “sub” hard each time), since his “third party hire only” policy stems from a dark incident early in his career, where a homely woman he loved was literally cannibalized by her co-workers upon their discovery she had hired him (it’s strongly inferred that company was Whole Foods). After Williams’ attempted car bombing fails to silence the boisterous and woundedly charismatic LB, she breaks down and explains she feared the impending sale would prohibit Luke Russert from ever following in his father’s footsteps and hosting MEET THE PRESS, since Igloo Hydra CEO Thorge Tarkington bared a lifelong grudge against Tim Russert for his reporting on IH’s secret, rampant penguin abuses. At the conclusion of her confession, LB laments that he hadn’t syruptitiously recorded the conversation and thus has no evidence, but that he did take several upskirt hidden camera pics of Williams that he’d be promptly posting online as retribution. The closing credits roll over a single webcam take of Leonard Bloomberry posting the hidden panty pics to his adult blogspot site, captured at a crossroads in his life and break in his eating regimen.
Wanda Sykes
Cary Grant
Kobayashi
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Deal with it, J.J. Abrams. YOU HAVE BEEN SCHOOLED. Now I need to figure out how to work in a hotdog eating champ.
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Wanda Sykes
Cary Grant
Kobayashi
If it gets anybody's juices flowing (ew), the press has already nicknamed two of these stars "Caryashi."