FOT Forum
The Best Show on WFMU => Show Discussion => Topic started by: JonFromMaplewood on May 03, 2009, 06:17:39 PM
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THE RETURN OF THE KING:
-The orcs have been destroyed. Minas Tirith has been saved.
-Aragorn and Gandalf high-five each other.
-Freeze frame on the high-five.
-Guitar kicks in.
-Blink 182's "All The Small Things" plays over end credits. Camera pans slowly across hobbits celebrating and dancing in The Shire under the credits and Blink 182.
-For audience members who stick around until after the credits, we see Saruman and Wormtongue sitting on a couch in Orthanc, looking glum. Wormtongue looks at Saruman and says, "I bet you can sing Barry White like nobody's business." Saruman punches Wormtongue off the couch.
-Screen goes black.
Fine. Maybe it's not "better" but it would have at least been quicker.
Any other FOT improvements to films, songs, TV shows, etc?
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Argh! Moderator! I put this under "Show Discussion" by mistake. I meant to put it under "General Discussion." My apologies. How do I move this?
Ew buoy.
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It would have been better if the "It would have been better if..." thread started out in General Discussion.
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It would have been better if the "It would have been better if..." thread started out in General Discussion.
Zing!
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eh. Just copy and paste.
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I love Blink 182. I don't care what anyone thinks.
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I love Blink 182. I don't care what anyone thinks.
Seconded. There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking Blink 182. They made a ton of great songs, no doubt about that.
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Wow. I am not what you would call a fan of Blink 182. But God bless you for standing up for what you like.
Fine. I kind of like "All the Small Things." Especially when I envision hobbits dancing to it.
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I'm not an avid fan of Blink 182 either. But I will gladly take them over the garbage that passes for rock music on Top 40 radio today.
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Sorry, Jon, that "joke" was idiotic.
OK, let me try. Watchmen would have been better if, instead of finding out that Adrian Veidt was planning on nuking the world, he was doing a surprise party/intervention for Dr. Manhattan -- the big surprise is that he's created a wife for Dr. Manhattan named Mrs. Manhattan, made from his lynx.
Some standard hi-jinks ensue, and Rorschach feels embittered because he's been left out of the coupling, plus he doesn't see why the Comedian had to die for this plan. So he sends his journal to the right-wing newspaper, as before, and the fat slob kid winds up at the wedding of the century (Dr./Mrs. Manhattan, Nite-Owl/Silk Spectre). Though a series of recursive metafictional flashbacks, we learn that the fat kid wants to grow up to be the next Dr. Manhattan and keeps locking himself in various nuclear test sites and such. Then we flash forward again to the wedding, where Dr. Manhattan has hung his blue penis by the door. A serendipitous wind blows the blue penis in the direction of the fat kid, who has no penis. It looks like it's going to land on the fat kid's groin, but Dr. Manhattan says "uh-uh-uh" and grabs it at the last minute and puts it on himself. Except he already had a penis, so now he's got two. "All Along The Watchtower" plays.
FIN.
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Grote, JFM, both those entries are disgustingly hilarious.
I'm working on a good one... Probably Drillbit Taylor-centric.
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Except he already had a penis, so now he's got two. "All Along The Watchtower" plays.
"Two riders were approachin'..."
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Except he already had a penis, so now he's got two. "All Along The Watchtower" plays.
"Two riders were approachin'..."
I should say so!
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The first time Todd Barry's Wayne shows up in The Wrestler, he's berating The Ram from atop a giant ladder. This should have been a great set-up for later in the film, after we've seen the Ram/Necro Butcher match. Instead of The Ram just yelling at Wayne behind the deli counter, he should have stalked back to the warehouse, saw Wayne up on the ladder again, grabbed a table and some conveniently-placed barbed wire - this would have been established earlier by having someone say "Why is all this barbed-wire in the loading dock of a supermarket?" - and then climbed the ladder to chokeslam Wayne from the top through the barbed-wire table in the back of the supermarket.
Later, they could have revealed that Necro Butcher's day job was Regional Vice President of Acme, and he could have promoted Randy to the manager of the local store since he'd beaten Wayne. This scene would have been capped off by Necro Butcher giving The Ram a name tag that said "Randy - Store Manager" and proudly stapling it to The Ram's head. Freeze frame on The Ram smiling proudly, his new name tag stapled to his head, blood trickling down his face while "Metal Health" plays and the credits roll.
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some changes I would have made to movies I have recently seen:
In Juno, it would have been better if they had done a flashback sequence to the time when Jason Bateman's band opened for the Melvins.
In The Squid & The Whale, it would have been better if the movie had been titled "The New Yorker Presents: The Squid & The Whale".
In Into The Wild, it would have been better if he had boned that chick from the hippie commune, instead of showing a weird 2 second tantric lovemaking session with those two older dirtbags.
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The first time Todd Barry's Wayne shows up in The Wrestler, he's berating The Ram from atop a giant ladder. This should have been a great set-up for later in the film, after we've seen the Ram/Necro Butcher match. Instead of The Ram just yelling at Wayne behind the deli counter, he should have stalked back to the warehouse, saw Wayne up on the ladder again, grabbed a table and some conveniently-placed barbed wire - this would have been established earlier by having someone say "Why is all this barbed-wire in the loading dock of a supermarket?" - and then climbed the ladder to chokeslam Wayne from the top through the barbed-wire table in the back of the supermarket.
Later, they could have revealed that Necro Butcher's day job was Regional Vice President of Acme, and he could have promoted Randy to the manager of the local store since he'd beaten Wayne. This scene would have been capped off by Necro Butcher giving The Ram a name tag that said "Randy - Store Manager" and proudly stapling it to The Ram's head. Freeze frame on The Ram smiling proudly, his new name tag stapled to his head, blood trickling down his face while "Metal Health" plays and the credits roll.
My head is literally spinning! I'm going to discuss this "alternative ending" with the guys during my next supermarket tour. They're going to love it!
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Rachel Getting Married: Instead of the groom singing Neil Young’s “Unknown Legend” during the wedding vows, he should have busted out “Welfare Mothers” and brought out the dancing Jawas from the Rust Never Sleeps tour.
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My head is literally spinning!
gif?