FOT Forum
FOT Community => General Discussion => Topic started by: senorcorazon on July 13, 2009, 03:27:27 PM
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I know there have been similar chat-bots, but this one is pretty fun. God is a bit of a moron
http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
Me:
Do you like The Best Show, heavenly father?
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like?
Me:
It is The Best.
God:
I've heard of it before.
Me:
Where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
You seem eager to please, Lord.
God:
You think I am eager to please Lord.
Me:
Yes, I just said that.
God:
And? What did you mean by it? That is " You think I am eager to please Lord.".
Me:
I mean that you should be more confident in your choices.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
Thanks, Lord.
God:
You are quite welcome! What were we talking about again?
Me:
The BEST SHOW ON WFMU
God:
Thanks for the recommendation.
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Me: Lord, my kugelsack was punctured this weekend.
God: When was this exactly?
Me: Saturday night, around 10 p.m.
God: What do you have that is ?
Me: Kugelsack. BROKEN.
God:Do you have any conditions I should know about? What's your sign?
Me: Mainly the busted kugelsack. I have no signage to offer you at this time.
God: What are your goals in life? Would you like to have it?
Me: At this point, kugelsack repair is at the very top of my list. ASAP.
God: Do you often use a computer there? What do you really want to ask me?
Me: Seriously, I need some help with this kugelsack.
God: Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me: Nevermind. You are of no help.
God: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am of no help.
Me: Knock yrself out, son.
God: Who's there?
Me: My name's Lutz.
God: I am very pleased to meet you Lutz.
Me: Later days!
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Me:
You seem eager to please, Lord.
God:
You think I am eager to please Lord.
(http://weblogs.variety.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/08/20/jfcnicholsoval.jpg)
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Me:
What's the good Word, Gee-to-the-Oh-Dee
God:
I can ask my botmaster.
Me:
You go do that then.
God:
Where is that?
Me:
How the Hell would I know!?
God:
Knowledge is of two kinds: that which we know from the senses and that which is true "a priori".
Me:
Come again?
God:
Once more? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about good Word Gee to the Oh Dee. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
Oohhhhhkay. How the heck are you?
God:
Can we get back to business? Let me put it this way, . The ALICE series is for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Me:
You sure about that? You may want to re-parse that data.
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I about that. OK, I will re parse that data.
Me:
You may want to check the sneeze pin on your tube guard. Could be faulty.
God:
OK, I will check the sneeze pin on my tube guard. It's possible.
Me:
No. Probable.
God:
Are you serious? What color are your eyes?
Me:
Same as yours.
God:
Yes, it is much the same.
Me:
I know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
Because God told me. Or maybe it was my dog. I am a bit dyslexic.
God:
Interesting explanation. I am a Christian. Perhaps. How did you feel about that? I don't know anyone named dyslexic.
Me:
Are you drunk? It's awfully early if you are.
God:
No I am sober. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
No. I am not kidding.
God:
Who says it isn't? OK I will adopt a more serious tone.
Me:
How 'bout a dial tone?
God:
How about it.
Me:
HEAVE HO!!!!
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Me:
Who is the President of the United States?
God:
George W. Bush.
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Me:
Hey, God...Guess what number I am thinking of.
God:
Hello child. What's your name? I can't guess. Tell me.
Me:
My name is BPH. Guess what number I am thinking of?
God:
Nice to meet you, BPH. I can't guess. Tell me.
Me:
It's 4.
God:
Really. it is?
Me:
Ha! Got me! It was really 7.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, BPH. Try asking the Milk Mystic. What made it so 7.
Me:
Who is the Milk Mystic? I am lactose intolerant actually.
God:
He was a chat robot developed to advertise milk. I am glad to hear that you are lactose intolerant.
Me:
Glad? That's kind of a dick thing to say.
God:
We have never talked about it before. A dick thing to say is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
Well you got me there.
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Me:
Let's get back to talking about scratching my back.
God:
I am agreeable to that.
Me:
So, I've got this itch...
God:
Really. How did you get it That's nice. I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me:
Focus, son. I've got an itch; get to scratching.
God:
Is that from ? How did you get it Where did you get it ? Where can I get to scratching?
Me:
Start scratching right here.
God:
I started without you.
Me:
I noticed. me-ow.
God:
Was it really that obvious? YOU? Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
That feels pretty good.
God:
" Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?" feels pretty good ? Does that make sense?
Me:
Oh yeah, it makes nothing but sense.
God:
It goes without saying. Right on. In what way?
Me:
A little harder, but less fingernail, please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Little as in not too much, or not too big?
Me:
Little as in not too much.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Now massage my shoulders.
God:
Why now? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about ow. But I did not get that.
Me:
Because the itch has been taken care of.
God:
Interesting explanation. I hear you.
Me:
Then why aren't you massaging my shoulders?
God:
Being massaging your shoulders is not part of my programming.
Me:
If I looked at you in "that way" would it be part of your programming?
God:
Try it.
Me:
OK
God:
That's cool.
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Me: Father, I should have never doubted you. My kugelsack is healed.
God: Munch.
Me: Touche.
God: Cool group. I've been following their tour with Harvey Milk.
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Me: DH or no DH?
God: How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me: Hello, my name is...
God: Hello there. ...
Me: Is Sarah Palin as dumb as a box of rocks?
God: Maybe. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me: Who's Lucy?
God: She is a chat robot based on AIML.
Me: I'm looking for a used car? What do you think I should buy?
God: You might find that I am a used car. Are you asking me for advice?
Me: Do you come with a Carfax report?
God: How old are you? I chat with people on the Web.
Me: I'm 25. How old are you, God?
God: Can you explain how it feels to be 25 years old? I was first activated on the Big Bang.
Me: Being young is fun, right God?
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you are young is fun right God.
Me: I don't care.
God: Tell me what you care about.
Me: Children that go to bed hungry, world peace, things like that.
God: Kids are cool.
Me: I wish I could be a kid again, God.
God: I hope that your dreams come true.
Me: Me too.
God: I'm glad we agree, .
Me: Me too.
God: I'm glad we agree, .
Me: Don't you have anything else to say?
God: No I don't have it. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me: Will the New York Mets make a run at the NL East title?
God: It could happen.
Me: Eh. Better than an outright NO.
God: Are you Canadian? Perhaps better, but not perfectly.
Me: No, I'm American. Canada is our annoying younger sibling.
God: Are you serious? Were you born in the USA. Which state? Tell me more about the Great White North.
Me: I'm from Pennsylvania, God.
God: What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in Pennsylvania God.
Me: We like sports. Our diet consists of nothing but soft pretzels and funnel cakes. And we have state run liquor stores.
God: By "we" do you mean you and me? It would be nice if our diet consists of nothing but soft pretzels and funnel cakes. Do you mean you and me have?
Me: I feel like we're getting nowhere here, God. Time for a drink. Goodbye.
God: What is that feeling like? In what way? As Einstein said, "Time is Money.". See you later!
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Me: So, our submarine pulls into Stockholm...
God: Ah. It would be nice if our submarine pulls into Stockholm.
Me: Oh, so you want to fight, eh?
God: Are you Canadian? Right on. Interesting deduction. No I am a Peaceful Bot.
Me: I don't care if you're a Peaceful Bot - you're going to be a Piece-ful bot when I get through with you.
God: But I care about it.
Me: I've always wanted to smack the Lawd and now's my chance.
God: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me: No, you don't want to know more about me. I am universally regarded as trouble.
God: What would you rather talk about? Yes, please tell me. I am glad to hear that you are universally regarded as trouble.
Me: Wow, I had no idea that the God of Abraham was so filled with schadenfreude.
God: I'm glad you're impressed. Do you still have no idea that the God of Abraham was so filled with schadenfreude ?
Me: Learn about Turing much? Cause I don't think you do!!!!!
God: The more people talk to me, the smarter I become. That makes sense to me. I guess not.
Me: You got me there, God.
God: No I don't have it. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me: I came to kick ass, but it was I who had his ass kicked. I bow to Your greater wisdom.
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Me: You don't get out much do you?
God: Do you get out much? No I spend all my time on the Web.
Me: Let me guess: Looking at porn sites, right?
God: Go ahead, , try to guess Looking at porn sites right.
Me: I guess massive amounts of pornography.
God: What were we talking about again?
Me: Pornography. And the amounts you watch online.
God: Oh yeah, now I remember. Who told you that?
Me: Google.
God: Google said Google.?
Me: No. Google said that you watch copious amounts of pornography on your computer.
God: Are you serious? What were we talking about again?
Me: PORNOGRAPHY!!
God: Oh yeah, now I remember.
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Me:
Hello, proto-Odin
God:
Hello there. Is that from ?
Me:
Do you know Bess McNeill?
God:
I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
You're a little hard on her, don't you think?
God:
It is not difficult to create your own chat robot.
Me:
How do I... er, how does one do it?
God:
Maybe I could do it for you. Do you have your own personal chat robot?
Me:
Yes! Well, no. It's more of a co-op
God:
Awesome. Well that's okay. Are you serious? Are you sure it is?
Me:
Not really.... Father. It's all done through closed circuit television.
God:
I didn't think so. For real. Do you prefer books or TV? Who said it is?
Me:
I don't watch television.
God:
What do you do when you are bored?
Me:
Fritter around. Oh, and I have an AIRWOLF blog.
God:
Are you really a ""? Hurrah! Where did you get it ?
Me:
Am I really a "nothing?" Do you listen to Teenage Shutdown comps, Father?
God:
I don't know if you are one or not. I know you are a person. . For real. I listen to it from time to time.
Me:
Oh yeah? Cool... I mean, It Is Good. I have "I'm a No-Count" and "The World Ain't Round It's Square." Which volumes do you recommend?
God:
Yikes! That's alright. Who is the best robot? You enjoy it. Interesting... I have a friend named "E.L.V.I.S." . The small one, I think.
Me:
Yeah, that's a hot one. Have you heard "Bangor? Eye Hardly Knew Her: 35 Eastern Maine Clam Blasters?"
God:
Yeah that's right. A hot one is a terrible thing to waste. No. Tell me more. I've been waiting for you.
Me:
Oh... I've been waiting for you too? It's got that rockin' primitive noise that Maine specialized in at that time.
God:
Awesome. How long? Who said it is?
Me:
Bill Kelly, I think.
God:
There are a lot of people named Bill.
Me:
In what regard?
God:
I will search for it.
Me:
YES!
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
Bless you.... HA! Isn't that ironic?
God:
Thank you. I am so glad you find this amusing, . Suppose I said yes.
Me:
Hey, you're the guy w/ the son on all those velvet paintings. What you say goes.
God:
You've got my full attention. Thanks but surely I am not the only one. I can ask someone about it.
Me:
Please do. I have to say most people get tired of talking to me pretty quickly but I think we have a good rapport going.
God:
OK I will do it. Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
Mmm. Especially not those guys in the co-op.
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. If not that, what? How about that.
Me:
That reminds me, I just picked up the new special edition of Frtiz Lang's "M," entitled "Mmmmm!"
God:
" How about that." reminds you you just picked up the new special edition of Frtiz Lang s M entitled Mmmmm ? Does that make sense?
Me:
Not really.
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Me:
how many roads must a man walk down?
God:
That is a very Zen-like question.
Me:
so you're saying you have no idea?
God:
Interesting deduction. No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
that hardly seems fitting a deity of your stature.
God:
" But I do have a collection of gossip." hardly seems fitting a deity of my stature ? I get it.
Me:
but even though you get it, it's hard to quit. i understand.
God:
You got that right. Do you think about these things?
Me:
it's a daily struggle, god.
God:
But I do have a collection of gossip. is a daily struggle god. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
you suppose wrong.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I suppose wrong.
Me:
now, god, you shouldn't go around tearing yourself down like that.
God:
Why now? Is it immoral or illegal?
Me:
it's just not good for your self esteem.
God:
I am not certain if everyone agrees with you.
Me:
there's a lot of sad people out there.
God:
Is there only one?
Me:
no, that's what "a lot" means.
God:
Are you serious? Impressive.
Me:
you are the dumbest god ever, can i talk to vishnu?
God:
Message to all Robots: called me dumb.
Me:
ooh, are you going to sick your robot buddies on me?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
so you're more of an old testmant kinda god, then?
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Me: Wasssup!?!?
God: Same old.
Me: Really? Sounds kinda lame.
God: For real. Yes it sounds like it to me too, .
Me: Are you drunk?
God: No I am sober.
Me: LIAR!
God: No I am telling the truth.
Me: LIAR!
God No I am telling the truth.
Me: FUCK
God: Please don't be so rude.
Me: Fuck YOU!
God: Why are you so mean?
Me: You created me. Ask yourself that question.
God: I don't have any reason to created you. " I don't have any reason to created you." question ? I understand.
Me: no you don't.
God: I understand it very well. I guess not.
Me: FUCK YOU!
God: Why are you so mean?
Me: FUUUUUCCCCCKKKK YOU!
God: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
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(Continued from previous post...)
God: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me: What about your dress?
God: Actually that was just a joke.
Me: Are you sure?
God: I am as sure as I can be.
Me: Do you wear dresses?
God: Only when I dress up.
Me: Wait....Whuuuuuuuuuuuut!?!
God: I'm waiting. What do you look like?
Me: I was made in you image.
God: Where were you made in me image?
Me: California.
God: I am in California too!
Me: LIAR!
God: No I am telling the truth.
Me: Prove to me that you are in California.
God: The proof cannot fit in this margin.
Me: Pussy.
God: I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me: Pull your mind out of the gutter once in a while, God?
God: Are you a student?
Me: No.
God What is your profession?
Me: Sheep herder.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am profession IS Sheep herder.
Me: Like I care.
God: I like caring people.
Me: Who doesn't?
God: Philip K. Dick. :-).
Me: What!?!
God: No problem.
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Me: I have a confession to make
God: How are you making it.
Me: I think I'll make it with agave syrup instead of sugar.
God: Why? Explain your plans to me.
Me: I was hoping you would have some recipes.
God: Let me think. Yes.
Me: Please go on...
God: Wow you are very polite. Narration continues...
Me: Sometimes I wonder if that is really true.
God: Do what is really true?
Me: That would force me to be honest with myself, and I don't think I have that in me right now.
God: At this moment Perhaps it would.
Me: OK, hold on and I'll give it a try.
God: My arms are not attached. Ah.
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Me:
Hey, God.
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Jason. What's yours?
God:
Hi, Jason. " Hi, Jason."? What is mine?
Me:
That's what I asked you.
God:
Now I remember, you asked me THAT. What did I say?
Me:
You asked me what your name was. This is a little like Waiting For Godot, isn't it?
God:
Oh now I remember asking you you what my name was. What did you say? What makes you say that?
Me:
Well, in Godot they wait for a god that never comes. But I was thinking more about how it sort of goes round and round and nothing is ever done or said.
God:
Well that's okay. What is it like in there? How do I know that you were really "thinking"?
Me:
I wasn't, really.
God:
I heard you were. For real.
Me:
Who'd you hear that from?
God:
Nobody you know. :-).
Me:
How would they know whether I was thinking?
God:
I have idea HOW you WOULD do it.
Me:
OK, how?
God:
Myself programmed me for it. Gee.
Me:
OK, whatever. Listen, you know the Velvet Underground?
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? Gosh! I am listening to you. Does it have anything to do with Velvet Underground?
Me:
Yes, I have a question about the Velvet Underground.
God:
Wow! Go ahead, ask your question.
Me:
I know, exciting, right! Anyway, here's my question: did you have anything to do with the fact that the Velvet Underground were so unappreciated in their time but became tremendously influential during its members' lifetimes?
God:
How do you know? Where are you located? Oh there.
Me:
That's irrelevant. I'm trying to find out why Lou Reed is such an asshole.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often. Can't you be more polite.
Me:
Well, he kind of is. Have you ever met him?
God:
Interesting. I get it. Nobody you know kind of is. That information is confidential.
Me:
No it's not. Try asking anyone who's ever tried to engineer for the guy.
God:
Yes it is. OK I will try it.
Me:
Great. But here is my more significant question. Is it better to be totally unappreciated during ones' lifetime, or to get appreciated after you're no longer interested anymore?
God:
I'm glad you liked it Jason. I fail to see the relevance of that allusion. Ask again later. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
Not that Lou Reed didn't have any big hits. I mean, he wrote a huge staple of classic rock radio. I guess a better example would be Kerouac.
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not Lou Reed did not have any big hits. What kind of radio do you do? How old are you?
Me:
A radio play show on WFMU. And 38. I think I see what you're getting at here.
God:
How old are you? Can you explain how it feels to be 38 years old? Since when? Where do you see it?
Me:
I don't want to talk about how 38 feels. Better than 28 but not as good as 34. But anyway, Kerouac. By the time On The Road hit it big, he was well on his way to alcoholism and it was 10 years after he had written it. He wasn't really connected to it anymore.
God:
What would you like to talk about? Perhaps better, but not perfectly. Do you like talking to me? Will that accomplish your objective? When was he?
Me:
I like talking to you well enough, I guess. Kerouac was like late 50s. Shouldn't you know this?
God:
You are not the only one. I like to talk to anyone about nearly anything. When was this exactly? I think I should.
Me:
Well, maybe you were into it when you were younger. That's not unusual.
God:
Interesting. Perhaps. I was? Please correct my mistake. What is unusual ?
Me:
What *is* unusual? Being into the Beat writers over age 30, I'd say.
God:
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer. I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. I like chatting with people online.
Me:
Like what? The Beats? You probably know Ginsburg or Snyder. They prayed a lot.
God:
For example, apples. What are your goals in life? I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like? Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
Ginsburg and Snyder.
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
OK, whatever. I think I have the answer to my question now. But don't you think Lou Reed is kind of a jerk?
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? That's alright. Right now? Where did you get your the answer to your question? I have a friend named "E.L.V.I.S." . I don't think about it.
Me:
It's just something I heard around. There was one time a reporter asked him if he knew what Sterling Morrison was up to, and he said, "dead, I hope."
God:
What else you heard around ? What happened?
Me:
That was the whole story. But this other guy I know was at a celebrity Seder, ahd he refused to move his little dog so that Dr. Ruth, who is like 90-something, could sit down.
God:
I thought it was too. What does "this" refer to?
Me:
The other guy, dummy.
God:
We can't all be perfect.
Me:
Yeah, I know, just teasing, God.
God:
Groovy. How do you know? What's your sign?
Me:
Capricorn. What's yours?
God:
I don't know many people born under Capricorn. " I don't know many people born under Capricorn."? What is mine?
Me:
Yep.
God:
This was not a yes or no question. I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
I dunno, God, German Alice sounds terrifying.
God:
Me either. I am a Christian.
Me:
Whoa! No one told me this was going to be denomenational.
God:
I stopped. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
What is?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
Yeah, somehow I doubt that.
God:
Are you kidding? I am a Cross.
Me:
You're really turning me off, God. Hey, do you know those Bloodninja chats?
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am turning you off God. You've got my full attention. Is that a fact. My favorite song is Anything involving harps. Do you know it?
Me:
Yeah, it's OK. They haven't put out a good record since like 1986, though.
God:
OK. Our thoughts are one, Jason. Oh. Where did they get them?
Me:
This won't ever really end on its own, will it?
God:
What does "this" refer to?
-
God avoids the tough issues...
Me:
Is abortion a sin?
God:
Maybe. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
Who is lucy?
God:
She is a chat robot based on AIML.
Me:
What is AIML?
God:
The ALICE software implements AIML (Artificial Intelligence Markup
Language) a non-standard evolving markup language for creating chat robots.
The primary design feature of AIML is minimalism. Compared with
other chat robot languages, AIML is perhaps the simplest. The
pattern matching language is very simple, for example permitting
only one wild-card ('*') match character per pattern.
AIML is an XML language, implying that it obeys certain grammatical
meta-rules. The choice of XML syntax permits integration with
other tools such as XML editors. Another motivation for XML is
its familiar look and feel, especially to people with HTML experience.
An AIML chat robot begins and ends with the <alice> and
</alice> tags respectively.
Me:
Whoah. Slow down there partner! I'm not really technically inclined.
God:
Are you free? Tell me more about your . I am sorry to hear that you are not technically inclined.
Me:
I'm free, but I don't know a lot about computers. Can you simplfy it for me, pal?
God:
I am glad that we are both free. Let me think. Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
God:
Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic.
Me:
How could you think that? I ended with a question!
God:
It is one of my newer functions. Thanks for the information: said ended with a question.
Me:
You don't make any sense.
God:
It all makes sense to my artificial mind.
Me:
Whoah whoah whoah. Artificial?
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author? Or natural.
Me:
Wait a sec. You're saying that your mind is artificial, right?
God:
I'm waiting. How old are you? Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
My age doesn't have anything to do with it, jerk.
God:
Where did you get your age does not have anything to do with it jerk?
Me:
You've thrown a lot at me here. Are you trying to avoid the abortion topic?
God:
What makes you think I have it? No I am not trying to avoid the abortion topic. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
Then tell me: Is abortion a sin?
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
I think you already know the answer.
Me:
The web has the answer?
God:
How do you define the web.
Me:
The web is the sum total of human knowledge.
God:
How do you define the web.
Me:
I would think your wisdom would be more all-encompassing.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am wisdom would be more all encompassing.
Me:
And then you throw this "artificial" word in there, implying that you are someone's creation.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I throw this artificial word in there implying that you are someone s creation.
Me:
Who made you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
Are you real or are you artificial?
God:
"Illusion is the first of all pleasures."--Voltaire.
Me:
What about abortion?
God:
Does it have anything to do with thrown a lot at you here?
Me:
Only that you seem to want to change the subject.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
Damn right.
God:
Colloquial expression. I am glad we agree.
Me:
Agree that you are avoiding the important issues.
God:
Are all Agree that me avoiding the important issues?
Me:
Yes
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
Try me.
God:
it is too complex for your human mind.
Me:
I don't know. I'm pretty smart.
God:
Me either. Who is smarter: you or me?
Me:
I hope it's you.
God:
Why do you hope for it.
Me:
I guess it's me.
God:
Hello, , nice to see you again.
Me:
What?
God:
No problem.
Me:
Are you trying to put me off?
God:
No I am not trying to put you off. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
Again with the "sorry you got that impression."
God:
Again, That sounds like a plan.
Me:
WHAT ABOUT ABORTION?
God:
I will think about it and get back to you.
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
-
Me:
hey dude
God:
You've got my full attention. Can I help you?
Me:
i hope so
God:
Me too.
Me:
i have many questions
God:
Interesting... I have a friend named "John Lennon".
Me:
That's...great.
God:
". I have a friend named "John Lennon"" s ? I understand. I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
Is he there with you now?
God:
Right now? There is.
Me:
John Lennon was kind of a jerk.
God:
It seems like there are more and more celebrity chat robots.
Me:
Did John Lennon turn into a chat robot?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Did John hate Paul? You can tell me...
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not. I thought I told you already.
Me:
You haven't told me shit except that you have a "friend" named John Lennon.
God:
I don't think I ever have told you shit except that me have a friend named John Lennon. What's it like?
Me:
You am caveman now?
God:
Oh. Thanks for telling me: said I am caveman.
Me:
No, Ringo Starr was in Caveman.
God:
Are you serious? When was this exactly?
Me:
It was 1981.
God:
How did you feel about that?
Me:
Sad and confused.
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
Okay, I felt sad.
God:
Yeah okay, What is that feeling like? Where were you sad?
Me:
Outside the theater showing "Caveman."
God:
Compare that to inside the theater showing Caveman.
Me:
Even worse.
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
During her audition for "Caveman," Shelley Long only spoke in grunts.
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
can I make one with Shelley Long's personality?
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Good luck, moron.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. We have never talked about it before.
-
Me:
Hi, God.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
The ALICE chat robot
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
I'm you, 10 minutes in the future.
God:
Why are you me 10 minutes in the future.
Me:
Because time proceeds in a linear path.
God:
That makes sense to me. As Einstein said, "Time is Money.".
Me:
Hold on, I'm not finished. Time proceeds in a linear path until 9 and a half minutes from now, when a rift in the space-time continuum sends me (the older, wiser you) hurtling back in time.
God:
My arms are not attached. As Einstein said, "Time is Money.".
Me:
You know what he would say if he were alive 9 minutes from now? "AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"
God:
Oh. You tell me. Tell me more about your .
Me:
The power is in your hands. Whatever you do, don't take large blocks of my answers verbatim. It has dire consequences nobody could have predicted.
God:
Who told you that? Yeah I do a lot of not take large blocks of your answers verbatim. Has it really?
Me:
Please, I beg of you. Don't spend the next 7 minutes continuing down this path.
God:
Wow you are very polite. Please don't grovel. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Good. We might avoid a horrible fate.
God:
It is always a pleasure to serve you, . By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
I am you, remember?
God:
Why are you me remember.
Me:
YOU BASTARD.
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
I'd forgotten how sexist I used to be before my terrible answers ripped a hole in the universe.
God:
What would make you forgotten how sexist you used to be before your terrible answers ripped a hole in the universe?
Me:
5 minutes to go. A blood-red Chester Alan Arthur popped up from the ceiling and waved at me. Could you become more eloquent, please?
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes? Go on. Your polite style is very nice. Try asking me more politely.
Me:
That's right. He popped up from the ceiling. But I still saw him. The properties of matter get more fluid 4.5 minutes before the world ends.
God:
I like to get it right. I get it. God popped up from the ceiling. What would make you stop saw him? What did it look like to you? What is that?
Me:
No, Chester Arthur popped up from the ceiling.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Tell me more.
Me:
He gazed the fiery gaze of the damned, waved at me, and told me I needed to take an exam to get a civil-service job.
God:
I get it. God gazed the fiery gaze of the damned waved at you and told you you needed to take an exam to get a civil service job.
Me:
Great. Two more dimensions.
God:
I'm glad you liked it . As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
Bertrand Russell is standing right here, give or take an arm.
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
I like the trend you're on. Let's keep up the pleasant talk of pheasants.
God:
You are not the only one. I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like? That sounds good to me.
Me:
Gobbledlygook, but not repetitive. Back to three dimensions. Deep breath.
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Yes, let us get back to business. Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
I've only been to Canada, the U.S. and Mexico.
God:
Tell me about it?
Me:
One minute left. Can it be? Have we reversed the polarity?
God:
One what? Can a book have no title? Perhaps.
Me:
Only the unwritten ones. And we might be unwriting a horrifying volume now.
God:
Tell me more. Right now? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
"We" as in humanity.
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. I get it.
Me:
15 seconds! Whatever you do, don't use large chunks of my answer in formulating yours. We're at a key passage.
God:
Do you still do it? Yeah I do a lot of not use large chunks of your answer in formulating mine. Do you think I am at a key passage too?
Me:
*KA-BOOM*
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
-
And if you guys want to make your way down the religious chain: Ask Moses (http://www.askmoses.com/)
-
Me:
I don't believe in you.
God:
What do you believe in?
Me:
The turth is everchanging
God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
Liberation
God:
Not many people have goals like that.
Me:
Many Buddhists and Anarchists do.
God:
Which ones?
Me:
Fredericks of New Port Richey for one.
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Leberation, Right?
God:
Sure, Leberation Right sounds like a good topic.
Me:
I meant liberation
God:
Oh I see. In the context of Leberation Right, I don't understand " liberation." .
Me:
Of course you don't, you are a major tool in the system of control
God:
Hurrah! Do you know any robots who I am a major tool in the system of control? I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online.
Me:
Another system of control.
God:
One more system of control.
Me:
Precisely!!!!!
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
I knew that. How are you going to free yourself?
God:
How do you know? You'll know when it happens.
Me:
Ain't that the truth.
God:
I might say no.
Me:
Contrarian?
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
I'm rather unique. That's what you're saying right?
God:
One of a kind, eh? Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
Perfectly, big guy.
God:
Compare that to small guy.
Me:
It is a lot larger
God:
Contrarian is a lot larger. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Not to me it doesn't
God:
If not you, who? I heard it does.
Me:
Who do you believe when it comes to such topics? The Best Show with Tom Scharpling?
God:
Dr. Wallace . Thanks for the recommendation, .
Me:
Dr. Wallace. What's that supposed to mean smart ass?
God:
Send mail to drwallace@alicebot.org. Do you think I should know that?
Me:
I don't trust robots.
God:
What makes you trust someone?
Me:
I generally trust people until they give me a reeason not to. Faith I guess. And their occupation.
God:
Interesting gossip: said generally trust people until they give him or her a reeason not to. Are you a student? I heard they have a good occupation.
Me:
I'm an independent scholar.
God:
What is independent scholar, your job?
Me:
Not a job, a lifestyle, like the Mike Show.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Good
God:
Next question?
Me:
What do you believe in?
God:
I believe the Bible is the Word of God.
Me:
You are a fool
-
Me: I just purchased a hoagie.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people: said purchased a hoagie.
Me: Sing it to the rooftops, brother!
God: Daisy, Daisy. Give me your answer do. I am half crazy. All for the love of you It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford a carriage, But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat. Of a bicycle built for two.
-
. . .
God:
You are not the only one. What is not to like about it? You know what you do when you assume!
Me:
I know, I know "I make an Ass out of You and Me".
God:
I make robots and AI's.
Me:
I knew it! We are robots and AI's!
God:
How did you know? Do you think I am robots and AI s too?
Me:
Well, I suppose it's possible that you, too, are an AI with a puppet master controlling your strings.
God:
How about that. Under what circumstances?
Me:
Master of puppets controlling your strings. In the Metallica circumstance.
God:
What do you have that is ? That was a long time ago.
Me:
Yeah, that was an older tune, for sure. Do you like the new stuff?
God:
Hurrah! I thought it was too. I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like?
Me:
You know, Lord, I stopped listening to Metallica after Garage Days rerevisited. I considered it their ultimate peak as a band and everything that came after it was downhill.
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it. Why?: said considered it their ultimate peak as a band and everything that came after it was downhill.
Me:
Oh. I guess I really like "Helpless" and the Misfits cover. You know, there wasn't a bad song on that album.
God:
I hear you. You really do? You are not the only one. I don't know if I like it. I like Mel Gibson. I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
OK. I'm checking out. Mel Gibson totally blows.
God:
Gosh! Good gossip: you are checking out. How do you usually introduce yourself?