FOT Forum

The Best Show on WFMU => Show Discussion => Topic started by: kenkwan on March 21, 2007, 01:05:06 PM

Title: Things that never happened
Post by: kenkwan on March 21, 2007, 01:05:06 PM
Rocky V
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Omar on March 21, 2007, 01:28:21 PM
The Holocaust1






1Sarah Silverman told me to say that.2

2So did Fred A. Leuchter, Jr.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Chris L on March 21, 2007, 01:45:28 PM
Pangaea
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Richard_From_CHI on March 21, 2007, 01:56:22 PM
If only Pangea didn't happen.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: buffcoat on March 21, 2007, 02:05:44 PM
The Moon Landing, according to some of my older relatives.


Parachute pants.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Pride of Staten Island on March 21, 2007, 05:22:32 PM
The Clash's "Cut the Crap" album

Halloween 3

PM Dawn being touted as the future of hip hop

The force = Midi-chlorians

All episodes of Newsradio with Jon Lovitz in the cast

Tin Machine

Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Richard_From_CHI on March 22, 2007, 10:27:50 PM
My 20s.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: bruce on March 23, 2007, 08:59:00 AM
sitting through Magnolia, Cookie's Fortune, The 13th Warrior all because they were shown at the cheap theater and I had no A/C
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: TL on March 23, 2007, 09:50:17 AM
Mixing, in this order:
1. A glass of wine
2. Two vodka martinis, dirty
3. 4 more glasses of wine
5. A bowl of pasta
6. A double shot of grappa
7. A double shot of Amaro
8. An espresso
9. A bouncy cab ride
10. 2 glasses of Scotch
11. An everything bagel with olive tofutti
12. A Naked brand "super-green" juice
13. Attempting sleep (unlucky 13)
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: kenkwan on March 23, 2007, 11:07:46 AM
Getting in a punch fight last night and knocking my roomate into our TV.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Sarah on March 23, 2007, 11:50:01 AM
Mixing, in this order:
1. A glass of wine
2. Two vodka martinis, dirty
3. 4 more glasses of wine
5. A bowl of pasta
6. A double shot of grappa
7. A double shot of Amaro
8. An espresso
9. A bouncy cab ride
10. 2 glasses of Scotch
11. An everything bagel with olive tofutti
12. A Naked brand "super-green" juice
13. Attempting sleep (unlucky 13)


But did you have a good time till you flopped on the bed and it began spinning?

And, gee, kenkwan, I sure hope your TV is okay.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: kenkwan on March 23, 2007, 12:05:05 PM
TV's okay. Roommate's a but bruised. Boys still equal stupid sometimes.

TL, that looks like it was a mostly fun night. It was probably the espresso that did you in.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Richard_From_CHI on March 23, 2007, 12:36:11 PM
My high school era punk rock mullet.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Emily on March 23, 2007, 12:40:15 PM
going to school for library science..
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: John Junk on March 23, 2007, 12:52:51 PM
G. Love concert, Freshman year of college.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: kenkwan on March 23, 2007, 01:33:34 PM
2 freshman in high school things that never happened. Going to see Kansas, for free, and leaving before Ray Charles played. Also, seeing Hootie and the Blowfish.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Richard_From_CHI on March 23, 2007, 05:40:00 PM
I saw Christian Death in like 1988. Wow were they horrible.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Dorvid Barnas on March 23, 2007, 10:05:55 PM
More Phish shows than the number of years I've been alive.
Cold turkey since '97, but still - no WAY that ever happened.

Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: bruce on March 23, 2007, 11:54:41 PM
More Phish shows than the number of years I've been alive.
Cold turkey since '97, but still - no WAY that ever happened.

Dont fell bad David I know someone else whose been to plenty of Phish shows and I love to tease her about it.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Tim K in DC on March 24, 2007, 04:34:31 AM
Having to listen to my roommate have what sounds like sad, painful sex with her boyfriend (who is not on the lease but has basically been living here for the last month and a half) is disturbing and obnoxious and gross, and I wish I could believe it never happened or was not happening right now. They also wake me up every morning in the kitchen talking in this weird, disgusting cat-speak (i.e. she: "Mrow?" he: "Meow. The eggs are ready." She: "Wheee!" Me: (muffled) "SHUT THE FUCK UP."). It is worse than living next to a horrible band, Laurie, believe you me. Roommates in general are something I wish never happened.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: TL on March 24, 2007, 08:54:22 AM
Wow - that's rough.  I think you need to slip that guy some pornography, too.  Hide it somewhere in his own apartment so he stays there more often.  She: "Mrow?"  He: "Whatever.  Can't come over for eggs this morning...  Uh...  I'm busy."  You: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: John Junk on March 24, 2007, 04:21:43 PM
Those last two posts were hilarious and amazing.

Here's one more: Watching Legend of the Overfiend with my best friend in high school.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Richard_From_CHI on March 25, 2007, 01:05:01 AM
Seeing Pink Floyds The Wall, more than once.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Tim K in DC on March 25, 2007, 04:27:12 AM
Wow - that's rough.  I think you need to slip that guy some pornography, too.  Hide it somewhere in his own apartment so he stays there more often.  She: "Mrow?"  He: "Whatever.  Can't come over for eggs this morning...  Uh...  I'm busy."  You: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Awesome.

Problem is, she likes pornography. And the jury is still out on whether the mofo even has his own apartment.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Sarah on March 25, 2007, 06:35:16 AM
Interesting that pornography has become the FOT's weapon of choice.  Maybe I should slip some to my real estate developer.

Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Tim K in DC on March 25, 2007, 06:45:49 AM
Re. porn as an untapped weapon of the FOT: You clearly haven't read enough of Laurie's (or my) posts.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Sarah on March 25, 2007, 07:17:26 AM
Ah, but, you see, I never read those as attacks against the FOT. 
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: TL on March 25, 2007, 09:54:41 AM
Maybe the next time there's a troll in the chat, we could just throw up a porn link and encourage him (I don't think I'm going out on a limb sugesting that it's a "him," right?) to check it out - it might actually work - FOREVER!
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Laurie on March 25, 2007, 10:01:33 AM
Maybe the next time there's a troll in the chat, we could just throw up a porn link and encourage him (I don't think I'm going out on a limb sugesting that it's a "him," right?) to check it out - it might actually work - FOREVER!

There's a flaw in that plan. His name starts with an A and ends in an ugust.

I'm not even positing a harmless picture of Violet Blue posing with an Extra Action baritone horn, and I'm certainly not posting clips of the Extra Action flag team bumping and grinding suggestively and/or simulating sex acts and/or actually performing sex acts. Marching bands are filled with filthy dirty pervos.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: TL on March 25, 2007, 10:20:36 AM
Maybe the next time there's a troll in the chat, we could just throw up a porn link and encourage him (I don't think I'm going out on a limb sugesting that it's a "him," right?) to check it out - it might actually work - FOREVER!

There's a flaw in that plan. His name starts with an A and ends in an ugust.

I'm not even positing a harmless picture of Violet Blue posing with an Extra Action baritone horn, and I'm certainly not posting clips of the Extra Action flag team bumping and grinding suggestively and/or simulating sex acts and/or actually performing sex acts. Marching bands are filled with filthy dirty pervos.


Well, it was kind of just a joke, but your point is well taken!
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Chris L on March 25, 2007, 11:27:15 AM
My old Smashing Pumpkins "Zero" t-shirt from high school. 
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: John Junk on March 25, 2007, 12:29:28 PM
Marching bands are filled with filthy dirty pervos.

The FOT is filled with Filthy Lauries. 

Okay, there's only one.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Laurie on March 25, 2007, 01:43:21 PM
going to school for library science..

Oh no! Don't discourage me. I have to pick a career, and I think I've probably chosen library science. Probably.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Richard_From_CHI on March 25, 2007, 02:15:48 PM
Not even positing a harmless picture of Violet Blue posing with an Extra Action baritone horn

Yay Violet Blue!
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Emily on March 25, 2007, 07:56:18 PM
going to school for library science..

Oh no! Don't discourage me. I have to pick a career, and I think I've probably chosen library science. Probably.

oh, don't be. library science is a fine career choice (i think/hope) its just that the program has gone on for too long. should have been 1 year instead of 2.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Pride of Staten Island on March 25, 2007, 09:31:50 PM
I think this thread has become more of a matter of "when did you get out of it?" (from the 2/27/07 show) than "things that never happened."

This misunderstanding of topics is what makes Tom so mad sometimes.

Well, he gets mad at other stuff too.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Fido on March 25, 2007, 09:43:35 PM
Interesting that pornography has become the FOT's weapon of choice.  Maybe I should slip some to my real estate developer.

Now that's our girl.  That's what I call strategy. 
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Sarah on March 26, 2007, 07:26:11 AM
I'm thinking now that a better idea would be to conceal it somewhere (in his vehicle, or perhaps I could get one of my low-life friends to break in to his house up here) so that his wife can find it and start rancorous divorce proceedings that would eat up so much of his time and money that Lubec would be spared.

The pornography would have to be particularly vile to ensure the proper outcome.  Suggestions?  (I'm talking to you, Filthy Laurie.)

Of course, a character on The OC tried this ploy, and it failed miserably.  But Washington County ain't not no Orange County.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Jason on March 26, 2007, 10:03:45 AM
That Extra Action Marching Band was the most cringe inducing thing I've ever seen.
What's this? A boring old marching band!
But wait, they're totally blowing my fucking mind with their fishnet stockings, gayboy denim cutoffs and combat boots.
Zzzzzzzzzz.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: TL on March 26, 2007, 10:12:02 AM
That Extra Action Marching Band was the most cringe inducing thing I've ever seen.
What's this? A boring old marching band!
But wait, they're totally blowing my fucking mind with their fishnet stockings, gayboy denim cutoffs and combat boots.
Zzzzzzzzzz.

I dunno man...  Fishnets, cutoffs, and combat boots could be doing nothing more than making a friggin' Tofurkey sandwich and it would not pain me, yea, I say, not pain me, to watch.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: KickTheBobo on March 26, 2007, 05:37:48 PM
That Extra Action Marching Band was the most cringe inducing thing I've ever seen.
What's this? A boring old marching band!
But wait, they're totally blowing my fucking mind with their fishnet stockings, gayboy denim cutoffs and combat boots.
Zzzzzzzzzz.


I agree with Jason. It seems like The Bindlestiff Family Cirkus & the Suicide Girls Burlesque tour conceived a bastard child in some tent at Burning Man, and forced it to listen to nothing but mid to late-90s Ska/Lounge/Swing Revival during it's formative years.

If there was an emoticon for the "Oh God, Gimme A Break 360" eyeroll, I would have inserted it as a response instead.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: TL on March 26, 2007, 05:39:53 PM
That Extra Action Marching Band was the most cringe inducing thing I've ever seen.
What's this? A boring old marching band!
But wait, they're totally blowing my fucking mind with their fishnet stockings, gayboy denim cutoffs and combat boots.
Zzzzzzzzzz.


I agree with Jason. It seems like The Bindlestiff Family Cirkus & the Suicide Girls Burlesque tour conceived a bastard child in some tent at Burning Man, and forced it to listen to nothing but mid to late-90s Ska/Lounge/Swing Revival during it's formative years.

If there was an emoticon for the "Oh God, Gimme A Break 360" eyeroll, I would have inserted it as a response instead.

Fair enough - but you've got to admit that I'm right on the Tofurkey sandwich thing.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: KickTheBobo on March 26, 2007, 06:28:42 PM
I dunno man...  Fishnets, cutoffs, and combat boots could be doing nothing more than making a friggin' Tofurkey sandwich and it would not pain me, yea, I say, not pain me, to watch.

Hmmm...fishnets, cutoffs, combat boots? I'm no Dr. Freud but I would probably take Vegas odds that TL's blossoming into manhood was accompanied by more than a few fontasies involving these two:

(http://kickthebobo.com//p130s060SpikeLiz-monitor.jpg)

There's no shame in that, broham! I thought the epileptic chick was kinda hot.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: TL on March 26, 2007, 07:14:34 PM
The messed up thing is that not only are you right, but I was already waaaaaaay too old to be watching DeGrassi.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Jason on March 26, 2007, 07:43:50 PM
You can make me a Tofurkey sandwich wearing anything, or even nothing, but don't try and turn the act of making me lunch into some sort of vague, misplaced mish mash of everyday life and sexual politics.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for a gimmick. If your band wears costumes, does theme specific songs or has some implausible backstory then I'm halfway sold. If you've put your album out on 8-track or triple six inch vinyl then the money is almost yours, but in the end there has to be something else there.
 
There's the rub, the music is awful or at best standard. Dressing up, or in this case sexualising the ordinary doesn't make it extraordinary. This band are the extrapolated equivalent of drawing on your jeans in magic marker or sticking a Sonic Youth sticker on that car your parents gave you.

The real victims of the dot com bubble aren't displaced IT workers but those of us who have to endure the "zany" antics of San Franciscans with too much time on their hands.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: TL on March 26, 2007, 08:35:44 PM
Hey Jason - if you think me making you a Tofurkey sandwich in fishnets, cut offs, and combat boots is about anything other than making you the sexiest Tofurkey sandwich you ever had in your gosh-darned life, then you haven't seen your old buddy TL make a Tofurkey sandwich!
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Jason on March 26, 2007, 09:07:29 PM
Hey Jason - if you think me making you a Tofurkey sandwich in fishnets, cut offs, and combat boots is about anything other than making you the sexiest Tofurkey sandwich you ever had in your Goddamned life, then you haven't seen your old buddy TL make a Tofurkey sandwich!

I'm not saying I disbelieve you, there's no need to prove yourself, but I'd like to make this happen anyway.


Also how much do you think Extra Action Marching Band t-shirts with this design are?

(http://www.extra-action.com/buyshit/notext.jpg)

[spoiler]Twenty three fucking dollars!!![/spoiler]
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: KickTheBobo on March 26, 2007, 09:29:54 PM
Hey Jason - if you think me making you a Tofurkey sandwich in fishnets, cut offs, and combat boots is about anything other than making you the sexiest Tofurkey sandwich you ever had in your Goddamned life, then you haven't seen your old buddy TL make a Tofurkey sandwich!

Man, what is with you Vegans always trying to "turn" us carnivores by using The Sex?

from the goveg.com website: http://www.goveg.com/feat/tofu/ (http://www.goveg.com/feat/tofu/)

PETA’s nationwide wrestling exhibitions are our light-hearted approach to a very serious problem. The billions of animals killed for food in the U.S. every year aren’t the only ones who suffer because of meat consumption. Consumers who overindulge in animal products pay a high price because meat and dairy products have been linked to heart disease, strokes, diabetes, cancers, and impotence (clogged arteries restrict the flow of blood to all the body’s vital organs, not just the heart). But a vegetarian diet is good for you and helps you to be slim, sexy, and stellar in the bedroom.

(http://kickthebobo.com//tofu1.jpg)

(http://kickthebobo.com//tofu2.jpg)

(http://kickthebobo.com//tofu3.jpg)
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: TL on March 26, 2007, 10:04:14 PM
Yeah... 
That's weird.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Jason on March 28, 2007, 11:02:19 AM
Me killing this thread with my whining and the first Gulf War.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gulf_War_Did_Not_Take_Place
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Sarah on March 28, 2007, 11:26:12 AM
Looks like an interesting book.  Too bad I didn't get to edit it (that being the only way I'd've read it, since I stick to light entertainment outside work; I strive for shallowness in my leisure time).
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Richard_From_CHI on March 28, 2007, 11:43:53 AM
Tom's kdney stones shouldn't have happened, or anyones that matter.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Sploops on March 28, 2007, 01:27:03 PM
Bill Purry voicing a creepy looking CGI Garfield in two awful movies never happened.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Emily on March 28, 2007, 01:44:22 PM
but jennifer love hewitt staring in both might be why you watched them..
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Sarah on March 28, 2007, 01:54:29 PM
Such a plain (though much bedizened) gal, that Jennifer.  Bet she wouldn't be where she is today without nem breasts of hers.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Sploops on March 28, 2007, 02:52:25 PM
I agree, Jennifer is no great shakes but them natural (looking) melon-heavy breasts sure are nice to look at.

Another thing that never happened - Phil Hendrie and Dennis Miller losing their sense of humor and becoming Bush-loving dinks.  Or atleast I wish it never happened.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: John Junk on March 31, 2007, 03:48:01 AM
You can make me a Tofurkey sandwich wearing anything, or even nothing, but don't try and turn the act of making me lunch into some sort of vague, misplaced mish mash of everyday life and sexual politics.

You are awesome. 

I always thought what was interesting about marching bands was that they were made of highly disciplined and robotic nerds who made different abstract shapes on a football field and played music at the same time.  At least that's why I joined the marching band in high school.

I think the funny thing about this band is just imagining the dudes that were serious, like serious about marching bands, almost to the point of it being this like paramilitary kind of career choice... those dudes MUST be the most motivated forces behind the E.A.M.B.  Like one of these goatee'd jazz/rock fusion obsessives is in the Extra Action Office with the publisher of Rope And Titties magazine and they're plotting out their erotic-entertainment/novelty-liquor-promotion empire.  This seems like the chance of many-a-mutant to be affiliated with undeniable sexiness for the first time in their life.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: kenkwan on April 02, 2007, 02:46:35 PM
You can make me a Tofurkey sandwich wearing anything, or even nothing, but don't try and turn the act of making me lunch into some sort of vague, misplaced mish mash of everyday life and sexual politics.

You are awesome. 

I always thought what was interesting about marching bands was that they were made of highly disciplined and robotic nerds who made different abstract shapes on a football field and played music at the same time.  At least that's why I joined the marching band in high school.

I think the funny thing about this band is just imagining the dudes that were serious, like serious about marching bands, almost to the point of it being this like paramilitary kind of career choice... those dudes MUST be the most motivated forces behind the E.A.M.B.  Like one of these goatee'd jazz/rock fusion obsessives is in the Extra Action Office with the publisher of Rope And Titties magazine and they're plotting out their erotic-entertainment/novelty-liquor-promotion empire.  This seems like the chance of many-a-mutant to be affiliated with undeniable sexiness for the first time in their life.

What did you play in the Marching band? Please say it was the sousamaphone.
I had to choose between trombone in the Marching band, and football. So I made sure to play in the pit Orchestra's for the musical, to balance out the football jock in me. Eww.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: Rainer on May 04, 2007, 12:14:40 AM
This thread is one for the books.  Hoo-wee-Bob. Much enjoyment to be had here.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: John Junk on May 04, 2007, 05:40:03 PM
Agreed, Rainer.
Kenkwan, on the one month plus one day anniversary of your question, I have an answer: I played the clarinet.
Title: Re: Things that never happened
Post by: kenkwan on May 04, 2007, 11:29:58 PM
Yes! The Clarinet. Now I know. Thank you.