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The Best Show on WFMU => Show Discussion => Topic started by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 10, 2010, 07:46:46 AM

Title: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 10, 2010, 07:46:46 AM
I was listening to an archive and a caller was telling Tom about how he steals Tom's jokes and uses them as his own. Look I hate the joke stealer just as much as the next guy but The Best Show covers so many topics and Tom jokes on so much that it's hard to not work them into your conversations when their brought up.

Anyway I got the rare opportunity to use one of the name jokes that get me every time. And it worked quite well.

Friend mentioned Rob Zombie.
Me: "You know that's not his real name? It's actually Robert Zombie."

I know you guys can relate. What are some other failsafes you guys use?
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Bryan on June 10, 2010, 07:53:43 AM
Too many to list here. In a bittersweet turn of events, I've finally turned some good friends onto the show, so although I'm glad they've gotten on the bus, now I can't shamelessly ape Tom anymore.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 10, 2010, 07:59:50 AM
I call things "filth" a lot more than I used to.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: cavorting with nudists on June 10, 2010, 08:45:59 AM
I call things "filth" a lot more than I used to.

That's a coincidence; I call people "mutants" more than I used to.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Bryan on June 10, 2010, 09:24:55 AM
I call things "filth" a lot more than I used to.

That's a coincidence; I call people "mutants" more than I used to.


Yes, I do both of these things, too. Also "Shame on you," and "How dare you."
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 10, 2010, 09:38:53 AM
I call things "filth" a lot more than I used to.

That's a coincidence; I call people "mutants" more than I used to.


Yes, I do both of these things, too. Also "Shame on you," and "How dare you."

"For same!"
I used to make fun of my friend who said "How dare you!" saying that was a phrase only women and gay men use.

But:
Friend: "What do you think of Terry Gilliam?"
Me: "Who's she?"
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: akaJudge on June 10, 2010, 11:41:31 AM
I do say "How dare you!" at home a lot, but my wife gets it so I hope that's okay.  I also say that things are "sickening" a lot, and that they make me physically ill.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Ike on June 10, 2010, 12:15:15 PM
I think incorporating these speech patterns or Tom's argot (thanks, college!) is totally appropriate and to be expected, given how much time you spend listening to Tom. 

I am not joking or lying when I say this--I listen to some version or aspect of Best Show every single day of my life.  It's no wonder, then, that things that are revolting to me become "sickening, physically sickening", or that I yell, "Wait....what?!" at my family ad infinitum.  This shit just happens, and in fact, it's how language actually changes and is adapted, quite naturally. 

It's when you pass of a 'bit' as one of your own, that's when it gets a little too....uh...out of focus. 

Here's my last little BS inspired endeavor:  I play music (like 94% of the duuuuudes here, I'm sure), and I wrote a song that needed a chorus. Literally the only thing that fit the song, that made sense, was "I've literally been in 1000 fights."  It was actually perfect, and was just, you know, the CHORUS of this song.  I had to explain to my band that this was in tribute (or cribbed) from this show I listen to, and that we can call it something different, all that jazz.  I think they tuned me out.  There is no connection b/t the song and the Best Show for them. 

At a show, though, one clever dude figured it out, and that was kinda nice.


In this case I'd say it's complete inspiration.  Thinking of Hugman's story, and the subject matter of the song (hint: COKE COKE COKE).  I'm proud of it!

Look for it on vinyl by the end of the year!

Ike
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Regular Joe on June 10, 2010, 12:15:47 PM
I've found myself "in the flesh" with people more than once.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: DoodleJump! on June 10, 2010, 12:51:45 PM
I refer to Lady Googoo a lot....as well as "Oh ___, what are we going to do with you."
I also use way too many Gene Simmons jokes.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Senator Gothman (D-OR) on June 10, 2010, 01:03:57 PM
HOW DARE ALL OF YOU.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Amanda on June 10, 2010, 01:16:59 PM
Before I began listening, I don't think I ever told anyone to "Show some respect!" in regards to a person that doesn't actually command much respect.  I normally only do this around people that are aware of the Best Show.

Also, since I'm from northern Delaware, I do naturally enunciate "water" much like PBR.  I honestly hadn't noticed this until another Best Show listener pointed it out to me.  Since I'm aware of it now, I normally correct my enunciation, but I will still use the Philly version as a joke.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: icepants on June 10, 2010, 01:43:57 PM
I can't say that I stole jokes knowingly.  Not to say that I haven't, I most likely have in the past.  I definitely have stolen mannerisms unknowingly.  A friend recently pointed out to me that I end all my phone conversations by raising my voice to a high pitch.  Tom used to do this all the time, I'm pretty certain I picked it up from the show.  I'm trying to correct this but its fairly ingrained.  I usually catch myself after.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: JonFromMaplewood on June 10, 2010, 02:13:36 PM
I call people "ghouls" at least three times a day now.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Big Plastic Head on June 10, 2010, 02:14:55 PM
"I don't like it.........I LOVE IT!"

I say that all the time.

No I don't.

...OR DO I!?
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: pemac on June 10, 2010, 03:31:29 PM
"Show him some RESPECT!!" is something I catch myself saying a lot.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: emma on June 10, 2010, 05:01:26 PM
I used to make fun of my friend who said "How dare you!" saying that was a phrase only women and gay men use.

Dude, you are pretty bad at making fun of people.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 10, 2010, 05:16:22 PM
I used to make fun of my friend who said "How dare you!" saying that was a phrase only women and gay men use.

Dude, you are pretty bad at making fun of people.

hehe I know. I tend to not do it much.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: SJK on June 10, 2010, 05:31:45 PM
Friend mentioned Rob Zombie.
Me: "You know that's not his real name? It's actually Robert Zombie."
After a long day at work...this made me laugh, out loud. Thank you.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: NJL on June 10, 2010, 07:58:51 PM
I thought it was Montague Zombie?  Was that a different call?
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Bryan on June 10, 2010, 08:10:10 PM
Not a joke, but I sometimes say, "let's move forward." It's a useful strategy.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 10, 2010, 08:12:23 PM
I thought it was Montague Zombie?  Was that a different call?

It wasn't a direct quote I don't think. I just use the idea alot. Jon used it for a blues musician once. I can't for the life of me remember who it was.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Ojingeo on June 11, 2010, 12:07:51 AM
If I'm around people I don't know, like at party, I start talking about ICP and the Gathering of the Juggalos.

I taught my four year old nephew to say "jeepers-creepers." I also try to get him to say "hand-burger."

I tell people it's rude to compare other people to celebrities, appearance-wise.

I have several roleplay activities I do for a writing class I teach that involve the corporation "Radio Hut."

And I'm sure I've appropriated some other things--most probably the way I deliver my own little "jokes."

Great topic.



Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: cavorting with nudists on June 11, 2010, 12:17:33 AM
If I'm around people I don't know, like at party, I start talking about ICP and the Gathering of the Juggalos.


Most foolproof icebreaker EVAH!
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: emma on June 11, 2010, 12:32:06 AM
I used to make fun of my friend who said "How dare you!" saying that was a phrase only women and gay men use.

Dude, you are pretty bad at making fun of people.

hehe I know. I tend to not do it much.

Even worse if any of your friends are gay men and/or ladies!
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: ben on June 11, 2010, 01:21:21 AM
I was in Milwaukee today having lunch with some friends, and they knew the waitress.  She knew one of Gary Gygax's kids apparently, and that she had been to the Gygax house, and had seen him.  I said 'you can't unsee Gary Gygax'

It wasn't very funny, but i definitely thought of 8mm and Tom talking about it.  At least I had something to say.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: daveB from Oakland on June 11, 2010, 02:48:17 AM
I've gotten some comedic mileage out of a phrase I nicked from Tom. That phrase being:

If "ifs and buts" were candies and nuts, then we'd all have a HECK OF A CHRISTMAS!!
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Steve in North Hollywood on June 11, 2010, 03:22:08 AM
I find myself using Philly Boy Roy's "I doun't loike it" a bit too often.

I probably use "You don't ____ me, I ____ you" several times per day.

I've definitely adopted Tom's "Well, that's sick."

I'm sure there are many more.  I listen to a LOT of Best Show archives, so it all works its way into my personal lexicon eventually... you munch.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Joe Rogaine on June 11, 2010, 04:55:18 AM
Some of those aren't jokes.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: masterofsparks on June 11, 2010, 08:20:43 AM
When discussing the Obama swearing incident with a co-worker, I referred to him as "our toilet-mouthed president."
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 11, 2010, 08:48:28 AM
I used to make fun of my friend who said "How dare you!" saying that was a phrase only women and gay men use.

Dude, you are pretty bad at making fun of people.

hehe I know. I tend to not do it much.
Even worse if any of your friends are gay men and/or ladies!

I told my lesbian friend and she replied with a forceful "HOW DARE YOU!?"

I've tried to incorperate the use of "why?" like Jon.
I carry a booksack with me to work.
My coworker: "What do you keep in your booksack?"
Me: "Guns and drugs, why?"
I'm as casual as Jon yet.

Also I say "oh jeepers, sorry" a lot.
And my friend laughed really hard when I called him "wildly unfunny."
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Wes on June 11, 2010, 09:44:57 AM
Jokes. I hate jokes.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: mahgeetah on June 11, 2010, 10:49:45 AM
"Dum-dum" has entered my lexicon in a big way.

I also tell the story about Paul Stanley claiming to make people forget about their miserable lives. In the same Paul Stanley voice that Tim uses, of course.

Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: DoodleJump! on June 11, 2010, 11:32:23 AM
"Dum-dum" has entered my lexicon in a big way.

I also tell the story about Paul Stanley claiming to make people forget about their miserable lives. In the same Paul Stanley voice that Tim uses, of course.





....Tim?
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: jbissell on June 11, 2010, 12:47:46 PM
My co-worker was talking to me about The Hangover and I unintentionally referred to it as The Handover. He was confused.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 11, 2010, 12:57:11 PM
My co-worker was talking to me about The Hangover and I unintentionally referred to it as The Handover. He was confused.

Most of these lead to confusion. Oh oh oh! I almost forgot. I have used the Andy Milanakis thing a few times with great success. Once when a friend brought up her love of Pretty Woman I filled her in on the remake.
I also used that elevator joke Tom told a few time. Damn I am totally unoriginal. :(
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: amiright?? on June 11, 2010, 01:59:23 PM
When discussing the Obama swearing incident with a co-worker, I referred to him as "our toilet-mouthed president."

When we had Jonathan Goldstein on our show, he called Howard Chacowitz a "toilet mouth."
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: mahgeetah on June 11, 2010, 02:04:38 PM
"Dum-dum" has entered my lexicon in a big way.

I also tell the story about Paul Stanley claiming to make people forget about their miserable lives. In the same Paul Stanley voice that Tim uses, of course.





....Tim?

Yeah, you don't know Tim? He's funny. You should check out his show some time.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 11, 2010, 02:22:26 PM
"Dum-dum" has entered my lexicon in a big way.

I also tell the story about Paul Stanley claiming to make people forget about their miserable lives. In the same Paul Stanley voice that Tim uses, of course.





....Tim?

Yeah, you don't know Tim? He's funny. You should check out his show some time.

I love making comments like this! Topic change: 'Best Show jokes you have used in real life' thread jokes that you have used in real life. Me and my friend on MIrc:
Me: I gotta go get ready for wnork.
Him: What's wnork?
Me: Obviously I meant nork.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Senator Gothman (D-OR) on June 11, 2010, 05:30:42 PM
Was it a Best Show rant about tourists who walk down a busy sidewalk three, four, five abreast so's you can't get by 'em? 'Cause I ran into a gaggle of thems the other night, just a bunch of gals out on the town cloggin' sidewalks while I am left to grumbling under my breath, "Hey, this isn't Sex in the City."

If it is NOT a Best Show rant, then I APOLOGIZE, alright?? I stole it from somewheres else.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 11, 2010, 07:58:23 PM
Was it a Best Show rant about tourists who walk down a busy sidewalk three, four, five abreast so's you can't get by 'em? 'Cause I ran into a gaggle of thems the other night, just a bunch of gals out on the town cloggin' sidewalks while I am left to grumbling under my breath, "Hey, this isn't Sex in the City."

If it is NOT a Best Show rant, then I APOLOGIZE, alright?? I stole it from somewheres else.

It was. Maybe a creepapedia entry.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: scratchbomb on June 11, 2010, 09:22:23 PM
I don't think I've cribbed jokes, per se. But I am one of those people who will repeat routines, verbatim, to people to try and convince them how good the show is.

But I do use the word "creep" as a matter of course now, whereas I almost never used it before I listened to the show.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: fonpr on June 11, 2010, 09:59:42 PM
Holy Molie

And I don't even know what it means!
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Ike on June 11, 2010, 10:42:51 PM
i've used "Reagan '84" a few times...when it was sensible to do so.  i don't know if that counts as a "joke", but i chuckled.  :D

I used this in class the other day.  "He 'Reagan 84'd him'" were my exact words.

Crickets.....
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Joe Rogaine on June 12, 2010, 03:30:32 AM
Jokes. I hate jokes.


I don't hate all jokes but i wouldn't blanket these as jokes, but i don't really know what you would call them.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 12, 2010, 09:12:45 AM
Jokes. I hate jokes.


I don't hate all jokes but i wouldn't blanket these as jokes, but i don't really know what you would call them.

I think everyone got the gist of what this thread was about.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Joe Rogaine on June 12, 2010, 11:10:42 PM
Jokes. I hate jokes.


I don't hate all jokes but i wouldn't blanket these as jokes, but i don't really know what you would call them.

I think everyone got the gist of what this thread was about.


Yeah
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: AaronC on June 14, 2010, 09:47:11 AM
Instead of cursing, I say, "Fuuuuuuuuuuudge."
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Kiwi_Herman on June 14, 2010, 01:50:59 PM
I use the word prevert more.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 14, 2010, 03:10:11 PM
I also use "I agree with everything you just said but the word _______"
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Rasmussen on June 15, 2010, 02:31:50 AM
I've started switching the words ham and hand.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 15, 2010, 08:44:02 AM
Was it a Best Show rant about tourists who walk down a busy sidewalk three, four, five abreast so's you can't get by 'em? 'Cause I ran into a gaggle of thems the other night, just a bunch of gals out on the town cloggin' sidewalks while I am left to grumbling under my breath, "Hey, this isn't Sex in the City."

If it is NOT a Best Show rant, then I APOLOGIZE, alright?? I stole it from somewheres else.

I just heard this on the archive from June 17, 2008 on the definitive list of best and worst things. Tom labels it as "What is this, Reservoir Dogs?"
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Bryan on June 15, 2010, 08:52:06 AM
Was it a Best Show rant about tourists who walk down a busy sidewalk three, four, five abreast so's you can't get by 'em? 'Cause I ran into a gaggle of thems the other night, just a bunch of gals out on the town cloggin' sidewalks while I am left to grumbling under my breath, "Hey, this isn't Sex in the City."

If it is NOT a Best Show rant, then I APOLOGIZE, alright?? I stole it from somewheres else.

I just heard this on the archive from June 17, 2008 on the definitive list of best and worst things. Tom labels it as "What is this, Reservoir Dogs?"

Submitted by our very own yesno!
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: iAmBaronVonTito on June 15, 2010, 02:03:38 PM
i don't purposefully use Tomisms- they just happen.

admittedly, i listen to the Best show the entire time i'm at work, which means, 8-9 HOURS of best show a day.  the phrases and jokes sort of creep into my brain.  although, there are a number of nuances Tom does that i do, which was prior to finding the best show.  i continue those same nuances, but it was cool to know i wasn't the only one who did them (they got laughs from friends). 

and for the sake of this thread, some offenses are:

*"jeepers creepers"
*calling someone a goon/creep/mutant/etc
*calling people on their turlet talk or turlet mouth
*saying something nonchalant, then asking, "why?"
*going off on a complete tangent, not unlike Tom, when telling a story
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Chris L on June 15, 2010, 03:00:18 PM
Calling people whose behavior I disapprove of "animals," or occasionally "shaved ape."
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Omar on June 16, 2010, 07:53:57 AM
I frequently tell people to "go back to Rock School, son" when they say something wrong/odd about music.  The most recent directive occurred two weeks ago when someone told me that the most recent Alice in Chains album was better than Dirt.  The same person also claimed that Jerry Cantrell was always the band's primary vocalist.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 16, 2010, 07:59:16 AM
My friend whose lived in Philly for four years didn't know the name of the Schuykill River and I called him..............................wait for it............................a............................PHILADUMMY!
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: ugelhay on June 16, 2010, 08:06:42 AM
I can't see a Wawa without thinking and or quoting PBR. I know I've also used the line "it's too early in the morning for this, Bobzilla" multiple times in life.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DePhiladelphia on June 16, 2010, 08:27:20 AM
I can't see a Wawa without thinking and or quoting PBR. I know I've also used the line "it's too early in the morning for this, Bobzilla" multiple times in life.

I think if PBR was a professional wrestler he would make his entrance walking down the ramp to the ring surrounded in sparks and fireworks with George Harrison's "Wah-Wah" blasting throughout the arena.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: jbissell on June 16, 2010, 05:57:37 PM
Calling people whose behavior I disapprove of "animals," or occasionally "shaved ape."

Or "animules".
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Rev. Calvin Butts on June 17, 2010, 12:06:16 PM
"Persona au Gratin"
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: badgrammer on June 21, 2010, 03:58:42 PM
I use "Don't Judge!" far too often...and yeah, I don't mean to -it's just part of my vocabulary now.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: bonnaventure on June 22, 2010, 09:36:54 PM
I loved him in "The Handover"
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: paul on June 22, 2010, 10:59:05 PM
referring to Madness as the originators of ska.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: cavorting with nudists on June 23, 2010, 12:31:39 AM
I actually said "I don't like it. I love it" recently in a situation that well, um, Tom really doesn't wanna hear about.  Let's just say it was for The Mike Show.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: paul on June 23, 2010, 08:47:08 PM
I actually said "I don't like it. I love it" recently in a situation that well, um, Tom really doesn't wanna hear about.  Let's just say it was for The Mike Show.

post/username
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: llcultjam on June 23, 2010, 10:48:01 PM
from Tom:
-"what's that?" . . .the tone of disgusted curiosity and emphasis on "that" gets an easy laugh—easier than I expect.

Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: ham bone on June 24, 2010, 06:52:35 AM
"i predict the usa will win today's soccer game 23-6"
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Mark in Helsinki on June 24, 2010, 12:59:36 PM
'I don't like it... I love it!' is perfect when my daughter shows me one of the two thousand things she's made in ceramics class, for example. But I think she knows where I got it.

I also use "You _________-dummy" whenever possible. Trying to get the whole "crack a _______ book much?" is too difficult in most circumstances.

Once I was at a weird and somewhat awkward gathering of two hippies, two of their friends, and my friend, trying to make conversation, or at least fill in the extended silences. Luckily I had my iPod with me and I randomly played tracks from the SXSW 2010 preview download saying in my best DJ voice: "Hey guys... how 'bout this track: SMASH OR TRASH?!"

I know it's not a joke, and in the end, after the tenth song, it was becoming clear to me that it was irritating as well.

So I stopped.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: AllisonLeGnome on June 27, 2010, 12:44:04 AM
I think I just did an impression of Tom's impression of Garrison Keillor.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: lpme on July 25, 2010, 11:58:16 PM
Whenever my wife and I are trying to remember something I say, "Can you Wiki that?"
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Pidgeon on July 26, 2010, 12:26:40 AM
Thanks to the Best Show, I now use "Eww boy" about once every other minute. Also, I'm constantly trying to think up new malapropisms.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Steve of Bloomington on July 26, 2010, 09:40:52 AM
Yeah, I have succumbed to using 'Ew Boy' a lot, although the real problem there is being in situations where I want to say 'Ew Boy' a lot.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Emily on July 26, 2010, 11:55:28 PM
when there's a group of people walking ahead of me & taking up the width of the sidewalk so I can't pass, I think to myself, "What is this, Reservoir Dogs?"
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Steve in North Hollywood on July 27, 2010, 05:04:26 AM
I've caught myself using Tom's Renamed Movies a lot, and making up a few of my own, since all i can seem to talk about is movies.

Of course I credit Tom for "The Handover" and "Wedding Crunchers," and credit Wurster for "Rata-louie."

Some I've come up with on the fly:

Flash Jordan

Big Traffic in Little China

The Depicted

Gangs of Newark

The Hurt Looker

Gran Tourismo

Mystic Rivers ... Which I then claim to believe is a true story from Joan Rivers' life.

The Dark Gnome

Inglorious B-words

and most recently Inflation.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: bakersfieldchimp on August 24, 2010, 04:46:16 PM
I went with my fiancee to her ten-year high school reunion this weekend. It was pretty painful, and it made me glad I didn't go to mine a couple of years ago. The high point was telling one of her obnoxious and drunk former classmates that I worked for Consolidated Cardboard when she asked me what I did for a living. The fiancee is a new-ish FOT, and it scored me some big brownie points.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: betheboy on August 24, 2010, 05:12:26 PM
I went with my fiancee to her ten-year high school reunion this weekend. It was pretty painful, and it made me glad I didn't go to mine a couple of years ago. The high point was telling one of her obnoxious and drunk former classmates that I worked for Consolidated Cardboard when she asked me what I did for a living. The fiancee is a new-ish FOT, and it scored me some big brownie points.

You have found the right person.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Steve in North Hollywood on September 08, 2010, 07:26:58 AM
I went with my fiancee to her ten-year high school reunion this weekend. It was pretty painful, and it made me glad I didn't go to mine a couple of years ago. The high point was telling one of her obnoxious and drunk former classmates that I worked for Consolidated Cardboard when she asked me what I did for a living. The fiancee is a new-ish FOT, and it scored me some big brownie points.

You have found the right person.

Agreed.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: bakersfieldchimp on September 21, 2010, 04:04:03 PM
I went with my fiancee to her ten-year high school reunion this weekend. It was pretty painful, and it made me glad I didn't go to mine a couple of years ago. The high point was telling one of her obnoxious and drunk former classmates that I worked for Consolidated Cardboard when she asked me what I did for a living. The fiancee is a new-ish FOT, and it scored me some big brownie points.

You have found the right person.

I like to think so!
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: cutout on September 21, 2010, 10:56:42 PM
I say 'two way tie for last' with some regularity.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: masterofsparks on September 22, 2010, 10:08:38 AM
I constantly find myself wanting to say "What up, Buzz?" when I get a phone call.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: SJK on September 22, 2010, 02:44:28 PM
One of JW's awful characters kept saying, 'Later Days'. I don't remember which one or how many have said it.  I say it often enough to actually be disgusted with myself and amused at the same time. 
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Christina on September 22, 2010, 03:52:52 PM
One of JW's awful characters kept saying, 'Later Days'. I don't remember which one or how many have said it.  I say it often enough to actually be disgusted with myself and amused at the same time.

Have you ever heard the full expression? I think it'd make you never say it again.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: JonFromMaplewood on September 22, 2010, 03:59:05 PM
I say 'two way tie for last' with some regularity.

Seconded.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: SJK on September 22, 2010, 04:44:24 PM
One of JW's awful characters kept saying, 'Later Days'. I don't remember which one or how many have said it.  I say it often enough to actually be disgusted with myself and amused at the same time.

Have you ever heard the full expression? I think it'd make you never say it again.
I'm sure I've heard it, I don't remember. Please refresh my memory if you would be so kind...the context is completely forgotten...
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Rick in Salt Lake on September 22, 2010, 08:00:58 PM
I try to work "persona au gratin" into at least one conversation per day...
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Christina on September 23, 2010, 10:09:18 AM

I'm sure I've heard it, I don't remember. Please refresh my memory if you would be so kind...the context is completely forgotten...

Later days and better lays ... I don't know that it comes from anything in particular, but it seems like something a Dazed & Confused type high school stoner would say.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Christina on September 23, 2010, 10:09:47 AM
Or maybe write in your yearbook.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: SJK on September 23, 2010, 10:59:02 AM
Oh, that is horrible...I seem to remember the first part as a throw away line John used on Tom trying to end a conversation, then Tom still curious, asks a question and the downward spiral ensues. Of course that could be any number of conversations...I honestly don't remember the second part. Also, the last time I had a yearbook was way too long ago...I had nice friends, they wouldn't have written something like that.

Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: jendawnb on September 24, 2010, 02:03:45 PM
In a toast at my cousin's rehearsal dinner, I said, "When I first met [the groom], I didn't like him .... I loved him!"  It was worth it just for the face my mom gave me during the pause.  Oh, Mom.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: not that clay on September 24, 2010, 02:07:04 PM
I went with my fiancee to her ten-year high school reunion this weekend. It was pretty painful, and it made me glad I didn't go to mine a couple of years ago. The high point was telling one of her obnoxious and drunk former classmates that I worked for Consolidated Cardboard when she asked me what I did for a living. The fiancee is a new-ish FOT, and it scored me some big brownie points.

When I had a job I didn't want to talk about I told people "I work for the county." Only once did I get a followup question.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: mahgeetah on September 27, 2010, 02:46:18 PM
In a toast at my cousin's rehearsal dinner, I said, "When I first met [the groom], I didn't like him .... I loved him!"  It was worth it just for the face my mom gave me during the pause.  Oh, Mom.

Nice job. I've been meaning to use this one forever, but I always think of it a moment too late.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: SwamiPat on September 27, 2010, 07:11:31 PM
i try and wedge as many gg allin jokes in to every day conversation as possible.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Steve of Bloomington on September 27, 2010, 08:51:07 PM
i try and wedge as many gg allin jokes in to every day conversation as possible.

I try to work them into the corporate milieu.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Rick in Salt Lake on September 27, 2010, 09:33:24 PM
I try to work them into the corporate milieu.

Is that a euphanism?
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: SwamiPat on September 28, 2010, 02:11:28 PM
i applaud thee steve of bloomington. that there is a mighty challenge. my year end goal is to get a gg allin reference into a story (of the work/journalism style). perhaps even one about bloomington's own State Farm.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Steve of Bloomington on September 28, 2010, 02:15:01 PM
That would be brilliant, SwamiPat. The ultimate GG Allin reference in the corporate world would be to leave something on the conference room table after announcing you quit, but I would definitely never go that far.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Rick in Salt Lake on September 28, 2010, 07:38:49 PM
The ultimate GG Allin reference in the corporate world would be to leave something on the conference room table after announcing you quit...

or you could try to insert your company issued laptop into a nameless orifice...

Maybe just comming into work in a suit with your tie replace by a dog collar would be a better idea...

Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Corman on October 12, 2010, 02:04:59 PM
"Wait, whaaat?" has occasionally found its way into my everyday speech.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: SwamiPat on October 14, 2010, 02:12:49 PM
I snuck a GG Allin reference into a story i just wrote about the Florida property insurance market!

"Like it or not, Florida seems dedicated to a 'live fast, die' way of doing things."


Mission Complete.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: CaptKarl on October 14, 2010, 02:28:36 PM
I snuck a GG Allin reference into a story i just wrote about the Florida property insurance market!

"Like it or not, Florida seems dedicated to a 'live fast, die' way of doing things."


Mission Complete.

Well done, sir.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Mr. Spacely on October 15, 2010, 02:20:53 AM
I yell "Don't judge!" very loudly at my wife at least once a day.

Also, whenever I do something wrong or bad for which she chastises me, I often answer back with a quiet, "Well..."

And finally... When a neighbor asked me my opinion on how I thought the County should redevelop a nearby plot of land, I said they should fill it with colored marbles and pave it over.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: gravy boat on October 15, 2010, 10:24:49 AM
When my kids are driving me crazy or work is frustrating and there is nothing to be done but bear it I have found myself saying to myself "...Mosquito truck." 
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: cavorting with nudists on August 06, 2011, 02:18:58 PM
My girlfriend and I live in Park Slope.  We were discussing the high frequency of times we see John Turturro or Steve Buscemi around the neighborhood.  Both actors live in Park Slope.

I said: "Maybe they live in the same house, like the Monkees."

She said: "Have you been drinking?"

No--just ripping off THE BEST SHOW ON WFMU.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: MontaukProjekt/PE on August 06, 2011, 11:44:36 PM
About a year ago a caller or maybe it was an in studio guest was discussing the movie Titanic with Tom and said this
"You ever see the dog version of Titanic?....The poker game lasts the whole movie"
Funniest joke I've ever heard. Can't remember who said it.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Jason from Huntsville, AL on August 06, 2011, 11:58:49 PM
During a discussion of "Inglorious Basterds" I busted out Karl the Repairman's question: "Did seeing that movie maybe make you think a little less of Hitler?"

I gave proper credit once the laughter died down.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Paul DeLouisiana on August 08, 2011, 08:22:03 AM
Once Tom talked about honking and waving at men that you see walking into adult shops. I made a similar comment when a friend and I were driving past and XXX theater and he got a kick out of it.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: cavorting with nudists on August 22, 2011, 06:51:14 PM
I just received a custom worktable I'd commissioned from a woodworker I know.  Tried "I don't like it...... I LOVE IT" but my delivery must have been a little off.  He just stared at me blankly.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: wood and iron on August 28, 2011, 12:19:22 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/BwnE9.jpg)

This guy who went to my high school posted the above status message. I'm the last comment. Either he's a fan or the joke is working its way into the world.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Kormod on August 28, 2011, 01:10:32 PM

This guy who went to my high school posted the above status message. I'm the last comment. Either he's a fan or the joke is working its way into the world.

I hate to be a spoilsport, but the French toast joke has been around for a while.

This is from 2002: http://www.vikarsrant.net/FrenchToastEmergencies.htm (http://www.vikarsrant.net/FrenchToastEmergencies.htm)

Quote
Has anyone other than myself noticed that the moment a snowflake hits the ground people lose their freaking minds?

The same phenomenon happens when any kind of rain hits the road. People forget how to drive. I don't know why this happens, it just does.

For anyone that lives outside of the Tri-state area, let me tell you what happens the moment snow is forecast on television. Everyone anticipates a craving for French Toast. And they have to have it no matter what. Why do I say this? Easy. It's due to the inexplicable run on milk, eggs, and bread that happen the night before a storm (even if the storm doesn't happen, it's the same thing). Hey, quick culinary question: What are the ingredients for French Toast? (Milk, eggs, and Bread - and cinnamon if you want to get fancy)
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: wood and iron on August 28, 2011, 01:21:50 PM
Ah. I can see that being a joke that's been around. It never occurred to me until Tom said it.

I do, however, doubt that this guy has read "Vikar's rant" page, however.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Tyrannosaurus Rocks on August 28, 2011, 01:54:40 PM
I refuse to believe Tom would use someone else's material, and the fact that you would suggest he told a joke that wasn't his own creation makes me sick to my stomach.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: wood and iron on August 28, 2011, 02:03:13 PM
I refuse to believe Tom would use someone else's material, and the fact that you would suggest he told a joke that wasn't his own creation makes me sick to my stomach.

Chill out. Kormod was merely suggesting that some parallel thinking was going on which happens a lot.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Steve of Bloomington on August 29, 2011, 09:13:31 AM
I like the guy who goes into the whole theory of why French Toast might be useful in disaster situations. 'Stop complaining, kids! French Toast kept your grandparents alive during the war!'.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: bigoteetoe on August 29, 2011, 07:15:54 PM
the greatest trick French Toast ever played was getting the devil to cause war and natural disasters.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: bonnaventure on August 29, 2011, 08:34:07 PM
I bought a car last year, and the sales guy called me to follow up, asking me how I liked my new car... he thought it was pretty funny when I pulled the "...I loved it" on him, but I could tell it threw him for a loop.

I try not to quote Best Show too directly, but a recent intoxicated conversation I had with someone I was channelling JW and started talking about how "The Fresh Prince" was a reality show along the lines of "Big and Rob".
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: placeholder on September 01, 2011, 02:00:21 PM
Not jokes per se, but:

I've gotten in the habit of saying "handburger."  Trying to break myself of it now.

I also sometimes say "You got it" in place of "No problem" or "You're welcome."  Not trying to break myself of that.

I sometimes say "s hit" instead of the toilet word, but it drives my girlfriend up the wall.

I say "toilet language" and "mutant" every so often.

I shave with a chain.

Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: namethebats on September 01, 2011, 08:53:17 PM
"Mutant" has slipped into my vocabulary, definitely. And my Garrison Keillor is sounding a lot more like Tom's these days (being in the northern Midwest, it comes up more often than you'd think).
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: cavorting with nudists on September 01, 2011, 09:05:24 PM
"Mutant"
"Blob"
"Pure Filth"
"Munch"
"Buffet Wrecker"
"Massa's Tavern Regular"

My vocabulary of contumely has really spruced up thanks to The Best Show!
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Shaggy 2 Grote on September 01, 2011, 09:19:26 PM
Too many to remember, but i called a couple of Facebook friends apes last week.
Title: Re: Best Show jokes you have used in real life.
Post by: Eric Fishlegs on September 01, 2011, 09:35:06 PM
I've found myself using "Ess-hit" at work. I work with the oublic so frustration is common, but curising is a no-no so this makes a fine substitute.

Also, I'm taking an improv class (I have no idea whether this is something I should be mocked for or not) and during a scene I "borrowed" Tom's "He looks like a vice-principal" line. That's probably a no-no, but it wasn't intentional, it just popped into my head.