The signs were everywhere that the bad guys were winning.
It was at Barnes and Noble where Micky Dolenz’ autobiography “From Monkee to Man” was prominently displayed in the new releases section.
It was on the heads of Williamsburg hipsters, where grown men and women were now sporting baby bonnets as a fashion accessory.
And it was in the mayor’s office of Newbridge where Philly Boy Roy was now presiding over his constituents, having campaigned and won on the strength of his cheese steak platform (Wawa had graciously provided the sandwiches for its construction).
To make matters worse, Tom’s faithful canine Dogmo was missing.
Though this all seemed discouraging Tom continued his fight for the good guys. Tonight’s episode of The Best Show on WFMU was no exception.
Tom sat with his finger hovering above the dump button. Fred from Queens was on the line with Tom. Call screener Mike looked up from the newest issue of Fangoria and gave Tom a knowing glance through the studio window - Fred was seconds away from being gomped.
“Hey man, you gotta play something from the Spiketones” - this had been one of many terrible requests that Fred had made in the short time he had been on the air.
Tom moved his finger away from the button.
“The Spiketones, who is that?”
“You know man,” Fred from Queens said in his garbage can voice, “Spike.”
Tom paused and adjusted his headphones, was he really hearing all of this?
“No, I don’t believe you.” A knot was forming in Tom’s stomach; it suddenly occurred to him that it had been a long time since the Best Show had heard from Spike.
“Yeah man, they are touring South America…Spike is bringing Doo-wop to the Amazon.”
Fred was gomped from the line. Tom sat for a moment, stunned. It suddenly felt like everything had come crashing down around him. What was happening in this world - were these the end times? Would the apocalypse be ushered in not by the four horsemen but rather four men in overalls pedaling high above the ground upon their tall bikes?
Tom gave Mike the signal to cue up “Pangaea”. He took his headphones off, got up and grabbed his coat and left the warmth of the WFMU studios into the cold night air of East Orange.
As Tom drove home he thought about all of the bad things that had been happening. He knew deep down inside that he could not give up, but he had his doubts. A voice in the back of his mind told him to cancel the show and forget about it all. This voice sounded remarkably similar to Captain Jack.
Tom finally arrived at his house in Newbridge. He opened the door and saw that his loving wife, Jillian Barberie was waiting for him. She had a cold soda ready and handed it to him.
Tom took the can of soda in his hand and took a long sip. He then took the can from his lips and looked deep into his wife’s vacuous eyes.
“Jillian, I am thinking about quitting the show…” Tom took another sip. The room was filled with an impenetrable silence. All of a sudden a faint scratching could be heard coming from the base of the front door. Tom and Jillian both turned to look at it – could it be Dogmo?
Tom hurried to the door and opened it. Dogmo was sitting on the doormat. He was happily wagging his tail despite his tired appearance. In his mouth he was clutching something, it was difficult to see what it was.
Dogmo trotted to where Tom and Jillian were standing and dropped it at their feet. It was a disgusting furry clump that appeared to be a large rodent that had met its fate on the New Jersey Turnpike.
Tom kneeled down next to Dogmo and took a closer look. It looked like a wig that one would find propped on the head of a mannequin at a discount men’s clothing store.
“Be careful…” Jillian looked on as Tom slowly lifted it from the ground. He held it in his hand and realized that this was a toupee. He took the toupee and turned it inside out to expose its cheap canvas interior. Written on it in a large childlike scrawl were the words “Property of James and Jeremy”.
Tom bent down and patted Dogmo on the head. A smile crossed his face. He was in awe of all that Dogmo had gone through to bring back this trophy in the fight against the bad guys. This was what Tom needed to see to realize that the good guys were winning despite the cretins that filled the world. The Best Show would continue on…
