Sopranos spinoffs

[Chris L]

Meet Artie Bucco in... Artie.  He's like Emeril with mob attitude. Artie's still dealing with his marriage problems, running a moderately succesful restaraunt, and doing the occasional shylocking.  But now he's got the added pressure of pitching a mafia-themed cooking show to the Food Network. See Artie hilariously balance all of this while trying to keep his least favorite customer - Benny, the short wiseguy with a shorter temper - out of his hair (or what's left of it anyway.  Oooh, rimshot!) Can Artie sort out his wacky problems in time for the early bird special, or will the people in his life keep subjecting him to "constant ass rape?"  Find out this fall.

[Omar]

Meet Artie Bucco in... Artie.  He's like Emeril with mob attitude. Artie's still dealing with his marriage problems, running a moderately succesful restaraunt, and doing the occasional shylocking.  But now he's got the added pressure of pitching a mafia-themed cooking show to the Food Network. See Artie hilariously balance all of this while trying to keep his least favorite customer - Benny, the short wiseguy with a shorter temper - out of his hair (or what's left of it anyway.  Oooh, rimshot!) Can Artie sort out his wacky problems in time for the early bird special, or will the people in his life keep subjecting him to "constant ass rape?"  Find out this fall.

See Artie get totally ripped off by buying 200 cases of Macadamia Nut liquer that is supposedly all the rage in Italy.  He can't sell any of it, so he drinks it all and ends up passed out and naked in the fountains of Wayne.

Benny will be played by ... Artie Lange.

[Chris L]

Benny will be played by ... Artie Lange.

I can't believe Max Cassella asked for too much money. 

[Chris L]

Bride of Bacala, or Poor You - Good-natured Bobby Bacala got tired of the mob life, so he turned state's witness and uprooted his family to Lubec, Maine, where he opens a small, cozy inn on the site of an old sardine-packing plant.  But Bobby's wife Janice is none-too-pleased about the change of scenery.  See Bobby try to put out fires (sometimes literally) as Janice argues with guests, punches out a health inspector, and steals a neighbor’s puppy over a land dispute.*  But that's not all.  Have you heard the "Good News" about the Bacalas' newest guest?  That's right, it's Aaron, Janice's fundamentalist Christian ex-boyfriend from Sopranos season three, and it looks like he’s here to stay. Turns out Aaron and Janice may still be sweet on each other, so now Bobby's got to stop this religious nut from busting a nut ("OK, enough")... inside his wife! ("OK, we GET IT!")


*don’t worry, the neighbor gets it back.

[John Junk]

I don't know any of these references and I'm still laughing.

[Stan]

I don't know any of these references and I'm still laughing.

 If you did, you would be laughing harder.

[Sarah]

Janice as a neighbor!  I'd be terrified.  Though there are some pretty scary dames up here who might be able to take her on.  I'm thinking in particular of one of the selectman, a very short, exceedingly round woman, who was once thrown in jail for beating up her sister's boyfriend.  This was around the same time I saw the town clerk fall off her stool at the American Legion in a drunken stupor.

Chris L., your post is going in my development wars scrapbook.  Thank you.  I think you should pitch your show to someone--it could actually be kind of great.  And, you know, Aida Turturro and I share the same alma mater.

[Chris L]

Thanks, I'm either going to pitch that one or AJ and the Bear.  Yup, remember that bear from season five?  It's back... and it can solve crimes.

[Sarah]

So that was a stakeout?

[Laurie]

What, you think he was rummaging through their garbage cans for picnic baskets? Of course not! He was looking for clues. Obviously.

[Chris L]

Yes, the first time we saw him he was drunk off some fermented fruit and blew his cover to warn AJ against following in his father's footsteps.   But poor, stupid AJ misinterpreted and started bawling from fear.  

Laurie is right, my theory is the bear is possessed by the spirit of an old G-man and has been amassing evidence, which he'll discreetly drop off in front of FBI headquarters in the final episode.  Once Tony is arrested, AJ will realize the bear's unheeded warning and renounce his father's lifestyle.  This will set the stage for AJ and The Bear to travel the country in an old SUV dispensing justice.  First though, the bear will maul Carmella for banging those pots and pans at him but he'll probably pin that on Christopher.

[Matt]

fountains of Wayne.

that was a rough place to work at

concrete statues + cast iron furniture = pain

[Chris L]

The Adventures of Kennedy and Heidi -  Come on, you can't tell me they weren't setting this up.  I wanted to stay with these two through the whole episode.  What a gyp. 

[Omar]

THE POWER OF PAYOTAY!

[senorcorazon]

Chris L, you did it again. A year ago. As is usually the case I've finally catching up with the culture.

I think the fitting ones are:

Jason and Jason (for the younger demographic): Some sort of Gossip Girl style youngster thing. Whippersnappers do ...uh...whatever they do.
Paulie Points: Paulie Walnuts goes into Witness Protection and becomes a hand model. His hehehe laugh is captured by a PA on a set, leaked to the internet and becomes the basis for a short-lived techno crazy in Lebanon.
Pussy in Paradise: Pussy in the afterlife, and every episode ends with him in slow-motion on a trampoline smiling. In fact, that might be a full show.