I hope Petey can find an uptight fancy man on the Upper East Side who is willing to share his condo. Then, hijinks can ensue when Petey throws a party, and the guy can return home and yell "Peeeeteeeeey!" Cut to later, when the guy has his shirt off and it's 5 in the morning and the party is clearing out, and the guy can say "I was wrong about you, Peter. You've taught me a lot about life, and I hope I've taught you a thing or two also." HUG and fade.
But seriously, don't get a place on craiglist and stay out of Cocaine Heights.