It was a cold winter day; Tom Scharpling, a radio personality, writer, and best selling author of the book “On the Air with Tom Scharpling”, was sitting at a Panera bread, enjoying a hot cup of coffee, preparing for his soon to be “W” show, that is The Best Show on WFMU. Starbucks was never an option for Tom. He always liked the freedom of being able to order any size of coffee, without the cashier informing him that they were all out of a certain size of cup.
As he packed up and headed for a quick slice at Benny Tudino’s before heading to the station, he reflected on the annoyance that plagued The Best Show for the previous weeks. That was, James. James was a simple man, if you could call him a man at all. From the listener’s point of view, he was a common nuisance that would invade The Best Show weekly, and deliver a soft, yet constant blow, trying to slow the show down. From Tom’s point of view, however, he was a hazardous force, and needed to be stopped.
“You just got Jamesd” he would say. At first, it went unnoticed. But as time rolled on, and James got more greedy for airtime, the once unnoticed annoyance, started to grow into an unwanted pest.
The Jamesing continued, week after week. Until one Tuesday, Tom opened himself to James. “You know what I’m saying, James?” Tom said. “What’s that?”, uttered James. “Will you be willing to stay on the air with me, for the remainder of the show?”. “I think I can make that sacrifice”, sayed James, “As long as you let me hold the reigns”. “Absolutely”, said Tom. “…you just got Jamesd”, said James.
As Tom sat there, time stood still. His feelings were mixed and were tearing him up inside, because he didn’t know what was worse about the conversation; getting Jamesd, or handing James a moment of control. Tom grunted into the microphone, and looked at Mike, the executive producer and accomplished call screener. The look was mutual, and they both knew what had to be done.
One week later, as Tom was rapping up the show, he anticipated the arrival of the displeasure that was James.
Back at James’ house, James was preparing to call into The Best Show. He never, however, called The Best Show, without his toupee. As he grabbed his corded phone, just one of the many technologies not caught up with the man living in the past, he walked into the bathroom to apply his greasy, over-sized discolored toupee to his head. After applying wig glue to his scalp, he noticed, that the wig itself…was missing.
“Thanks for listening, The Best Show will be back next week. Stick around for Small Change” said Tom. And as all of the listeners sat there, Tom spoke one last time into the microphone…
“By the way, James…” and at that very moment, a mutual feeling of revenge, victory, and perseverance was felt by Tom, Mike, Small Change, and all of the FOTs, as the rustling of a toupee was heard over the microphone for all to hear, followed by the triumphant voice of Tom Scharpling, who spoke “you just got Jamesd…”
