(T.S. Twitter feed Xmas eve):
My family and I are in line at the movie theater hoping to get tix for GULLIVER'S TRAVELS tomorrow. Fingers crossed!
Just found out from the theater manager that all GULLIVERS TRAVELS shows are sold out until 8 :10 PM on Sunday but we can wait on standby.
Driving to South Jersey to meet a guy on Craigslist who claims to have four tickets to a Xmas night showing of GULLIVERS TRAVELS
Sitting in a shady apartment in Camden, waiting for the guy with the GULLIVERS tix to get home. His roommate is VERY creepy.
Getting into a car with the guy to meet the dude who has the GULLIVERS TRAVELS tix. A little nervous - I dont know this part of Camden.
Now we're in the back room at a nightclub called HAMMERZ. The guy needs to pick up a package before he can get me the GULLIVER tix.
OH MY GOD THE OWNER OF HAMMERZ JUST SHOT THE GUY WHO WAS GONNA GET ME THE GULLIVER TICKETS! RUNNING AWAY!
I'm hiding behind a dumpster in Camden. The owner of Hammerz and three bouncers just walked by, all of them holding guns. I MUST BE QUIET.
I just hotwired a car. These guys are following behind me! They just shot out the back window to the car! I'm gonna lose them!
I just drove my car off the Ben Franklin Bridge. If I dont tweet within the next 30 seconds, I am deceased. It was nice knowing all of you.
The car landed on a garbage barge. I have no idea where we are sailing to.
The captain of this garbage barge won't let me get off the ship til we unload this load. It looks like I'm gonna be at sea for awhile.
The captain is a strange old salt. He's drinking like a fish in the galley and wants me to man the mizzen mast. I dont know what that is.
HOLY CRAP HE JUST TOLD ME THAT WE WILL BE DUMPING THIS GARBAGE IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. I AM TERRIFIED.
We are now coming up on the Bermuda Triangle. There is nothing unusual about this and it should be OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO DIE!
The ship is spiraling down into some vortex. I am certain that I will be dead soon. If you dont hear from me in two minutes, I am dead.
I am on a beach somewhere. Sand in my mouth. No sign of the captain. I must've washed ashore. Not sure where I am but at least I'm alive.
Here come some people on the horizon. Hopefully they can help me and tell me how to OH MY GOD THEY ARE ALL TINY! I AM A GIANT!
I am like a god to all these little twerps. I am now dancing around making up songs and wisecracks. They're all laughing hysterically!
Now they've konked me on the head and they've tied me up with their dumb tiny ropes. Which I just BROKE out of! Now I'm dancing again.
Apparently there's some sort of war going on with these twerps and some other twerps. Should I get involved? I THINK NOT.
I'm gonna go take a little swimeroo in the ocean and then see about gettin' my mitts on some chow and OH MY GOD ITS ANOTHER WHIRLPOOL!
I think I'm gonna drown this time. If you don't hear from me in the next 90 seconds I am most definitely dead.
Now I'm on another beach. AND THIS TIME EVERYBODY AROUND ME IS A GIANT! They just dropped a cup over me! I'm trapped!
Now they're making me fight another little dude. Wait - IS THAT A TINY KYLE GASS?!
I just murdered the tiny Kyle Gass with my bare hands. They have now made me their tiny king. BOW BEFORE ME, GIANTS!
They are going to allow me to swim in the ocean, which I've been looking forward to because OH MY GOD IT'S ANOTHER WHIRLPOOL!
I have now awoken on a beach. The people around me are normal sized. And what is that next to me? A GUILD SCREENER OF GULLIVER'S TRAVELS!
(Guild screeners are DVDs of movies that get mailed out to members of the entertainment community to vote on during awards season)
I just started watching GULLIVER'S TRAVELS... but it is all filmed FROM MY POINT OF VIEW. Weird, right? THE END THANK YOU GOODNIGHT!
