From the Vault at Stereolaffs - Rave On March/April 2001 edition. Contains "handburger" and the great line, "Those girls would be much less uptight if they would just put those signs down and let The Gorch feel them up for 20 minutes or so."
Local Instore Appearance. Records album in Bentonton
Roland Gorchnick, the man on whom the Happy Days character Fonzie was based made quite an impression during his March 23rd personal appearance at The Book Marina in Shiptown. The 63-year old "Gorch" made his grand entrance atop a chopper-style motorcycle and proceeded to do doughnuts on the store's exquisite Persian rug while swinging a 4-foot section of steel chain over his head.
The author was in Western Maine to promote his new self-help book The Real-Life Fonzie's Guide To Real Life. "There wasn't nobody around tellin' me how to get out of trouble when I was a kid," said Gorchnick. "My book gives straight answers to serious questions like 'how long can my chain be to inflict maximum damage but not be ruled a deadly weapon' and 'should I use my chain or a piece of pipe for the big rumble?'
Gorchnick
A small but very vocal group of protesters picketed the store, railing against the misogynistic overtones in Gorchnick' s book. "Do you know what he says a young man should do if he 'knocks up a skirt'," asked protester Mary Levdenson. "First he says the boy should go to the malt shop and stand by the juke box and pound on it, then he says the boy should beat some nerd's 'pud' into the dirt and go outside and steal handburgers (sic) from the haggy waitresses." Gorchnick commented briefly on the picketers saying, "Those girls would be much less uptight if they would just put those signs down and let The Gorch feel them up for 20 minutes or so."
The Gorch's next stop was Ocean Tone recording studio in Bentonton where he laid down the tracks for his album, Chain Fight. Gorchnick went on at length about the album's positive message citing that several songs were about children's rights. "Kids today got it harder than we did back in the '50s," said Gorchnick. "The second song on the album deals with this --it's called "Pipe Fight" and the first line is "that nerd is gonna get stomped if he looks at me again/gonna pound his pud into the dirt like I did his friend."
Chain Fight will be released in July on Gorchnick' s own ChainPipe Records.
