There needs to be a spinoff podcast....

[Krokodil_Gena]

The AP Mike Experience or AP Mike & Co. where Mike talks about anything and everything with a revolving collection of guests, and a puppet catfish reviews all the bootleg Grateful Dead albums Mike has. "Frolic" by Luciano Michelini should be the opening music, closing should be that Grateful Dead cover of "Good Lovin'" where Pigpen raps endlessly about the Four Day Creep.

If that isn't interesting, how about....

Best Show GOMPers, the show where Mike or Dudio or both track down the worst callers from the show and interview them. Hernando Biggie, "You got James'd", the utterly punchable Captain Jack, the Mit Hamine guy, Mattress Man, all the snobby callers from obscure neighborhoods in New York, the dude who called his house "the chateau",  and all the people trying to copy E-Cigarettes for Legs that one time, plus many, many others. I want the actual E-Cigarettes for Legs guy left out of the hunt; he's like the Longmont Potion Castle of the show now - the less we know, the better.

[Dammit]

The AP Michael Tyler Moore Show would be a spinoff I'd watch. Our cynical hero takes a job at a tech startup where Michael Tyler Moore (as  Mary) is the curmudgeonly new hire who works for a very spunky department boss named, Louise Grant. Ms Grant is charged with "graduating" older employees who won't leave on their own while maintaining her unusual levels of "spunk." Hilarity ensues.

I imagine that it would go something like this....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7vrCpWbmDw&feature=youtu.be

^{"This is Jonestown! Get out now!"}

[Krokodil_Gena]

Dammit, that's a TV show. Probably a show that could be run on Netflix with some tweaks, but still, a show with a visual element.

I was thinking 30-minute podcasts because they are easiest to make (you can have an irregular release schedule, any editing is less of a hassle, etc.) because this is a side-gig for AP Mike and whatever cast and crew he can collect. If they were to go with a show like Best Show GOMPers, it would take time to find the people, interview them, probably bleep a lot of cursing out, and Mike would have to hide for a few months after punching Captain Jack in the face - all of that is a given, if Cap'n. Jack is as annoying in real life as he was on The Best Show, which he might just turn out to be. I'm willing to let the crew experiment.


I saw your Dan Lyons speech (mostly good stuff until the end; economic neoliberalism cannot cure economic neoliberalism) and I raise you Longmont Potion Castle trying to send a crate of millipedes to a noted Famous Person: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrImN09K3wE

[Dammit]

All that can work so long as we can work it in so that Mike (Mary) does the eulogy for Chuckles the Clown, unless maybe we can have Mike (Mary) also play Ted Baxter using a paste-on beard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-s-EuhJofY. 

We can save money that way.

[Krokodil_Gena]

All that can work so long as we can work it in so that Mike (Mary) does the eulogy for Chuckles the Clown, unless maybe we can have Mike (Mary) also play Ted Baxter using a paste-on beard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-s-EuhJofY. 

We can save money that way.

Good episode but it's still television. If you want to have AP Mike do a YouTube/Vimeo/Dailymotion video, how about....

Finding George R.R. Martin's Stuff? AP Mike hosts while a crew goes to Martin's old Bayonne high school and tries to uncover if his locker ever got jammed, and if so, they try to pry it open to see the treasures within. Or they could send a scuba crew to the bottom of the bay to see if bullies threw his binders of early Game of Thrones chapters down there. I've heard that George "Rail Road" Martin has a vault somewhere in New Jersey filled with those crusty old fisherman/train engineer hats, and that a certain mall in the same state has a Santa suit that Martin wore one holiday season that they still can't use due to lasting offensive body funk issues. They keep it in a vacuum bag inside a cello case marked "NEVER OPEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD."

I just want a chance where nothing turns up at the end and Mike Lisk has to do a Geraldo "Well, I've just wasted your time" shoulder shrug, puts down the mic, and flees the set. We have to have at least that.

(Bonus: Kiefer Sutherland not accepting any plaster of Paris or any crap from Longmont Potion Castle, no matter if the plaster did come from the Ho-Ho House.)

[Dammit]

At some point, we will need an opening sequence, so maybe face swap Mike's headshot on to this 1970's MTM pilot opening: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYgKcUDZ-E0. That is beyond my capabilities, though.

Also fun could be a Forrest Mike series where he is kind of like a Dr. Gump who travels through time and tells historical figures everything that will go wrong after their leadershp ends. Hilarity ensues.

[Krokodil_Gena]

My question is - why hasn't Mike injected himself into these proceedings to tell us that he's spending all his free time making a scene-by-scene remake of Taxi Driver on the streets of Bayonne using bumper cars for taxis?

[Dammit]

He hasn't had the right offer yet.

Mike. I offer you five dollars. American.

[Krokodil_Gena]

More awful podcast ideas:

Mike and the Mini-Pops. This would be a one-shot interview show where Mike would track down the original Mini-Pop singers and ask weird, probing questions and there would be a lot of awkward silences and "um-er-uh" noises from the host and the guests*.

AP Mike's Curbstomp. Call-in streamed podcast where people talk about all the street violence they've been involved in. Mike rates the stories by gruesomeness and any police photos that are emailed in. Mike has a puppet co-host, a cat with brass knuckles.

AP Mike's BARFight. Video podcast this time, Mike hosts two teams playing beer pong until they puke.

AP Mike's War of the Podcasters. Like Battle of the Network Stars, but a mishmash of quiz-show and talent competition featuring whatever podcasters take up the challenge.

"What Was THAT?" featuring AP Mike. A Jersey-centric copy of In Search of.... with a dash of Sightings (anybody remember that Fox show?) this would be another video podcast where AP Mike would have UFO witnesses on, tour ruins of haunted buildings with ghost hunters, and talk about all the strange stuff he can scrape from the old Weird New Jersey website and book like all the crazy stories about Clinton Road (ghosts, Klansmen on horseback, the village of albinos, etc.) or the Essex County Mountain Sanatorium (now unfortunately demolished), among many other places.

__________

* For those too afraid to click the link (it's to their bare-bones Wikipedia page), they were Kidz Bop before that existed, but in Britain in the early 1980s. The Mini-Pops (also written as "Minipops") had a short-lived TV show that was yanked because they covered all the adult pop songs from the 1979-1983 timeframe, and it offended people (they had a little girl singing Sheena Easton's "Morning Train", for example). K-Tel released their first album in the US, and also sold a compilation video from the show, you can see the horror here. Despite the uproar, the album did well in continental Europe, and they kept making records until the late 1980s, probably switching singers as the originals' voices changed.

You can blame Ben Minnotte of the Oddity Archive YouTube show for clueing me into this Lovecraftian monstrosity. He wasn't happy knowing about this either.

[Dammit]

I've been trying to work this one out for awhile. He is what I have so far.


AP Mike and the Bear

A reboot of BJ and the Bear. Not much dialogue beyond shrieking and Mike asking the uncooperative bear to behave itself in his monotone mike voice. Creative idirectional dung-flinging replaces car chases each week.

Seems like a complete treatment to me....Convoy!

[Dammit]

I guess that I was typing with my butt. I'll just leave it like that...like a word puzzle. "Bidirectional" fits in there somewhere.

I've been trying to work this one out for awhile. He is what I have so far.


AP Mike and the Bear

A reboot of BJ and the Bear. Not much dialogue beyond shrieking and Mike asking the uncooperative bear to behave itself in his monotone mike voice. Creative idirectional dung-flinging replaces car chases each week.

Seems like a complete treatment to me....Convoy!

[Krokodil_Gena]

More awful podcast ideas:

AP Mike's Armpit Music Challenge. A podcast where guests are challenged to do more and more complicated armpit songs. They start off doing "Chopsticks", they end by doing songs like "Moby Dick" by Led Zeppelin or the radio edit of "Tubular Bells." Contestants are judged by skill, grace under fire, and ability to make armpit noises sound something like the songs they are supposed to be playing.

AP Mike Battles Wits..... It's Mike Lisk versus the Best Show crew and characters in a variety of challenges. I want to hear Mike verbally destroy Timmy von Trimble for being a fake skinhead because he never talks about RaHoWa, the 14 words, ZOG, or other racist guy crap. Yes, it's a British-style panel show, so the winnings go to charity.

AP Mike's Bar Stories. Video podcast where Mike has bartenders from the tri-state area on to tell of their worst nights, best and most awful customers, so on.

***

It's like a train, it just keeps moving forward relentlessly.

[Dammit]

More awful podcast ideas:

AP Mike's Armpit Music Challenge. A podcast where guests are challenged to do more and more complicated armpit songs. They start off doing "Chopsticks", they end by doing songs like "Moby Dick" by Led Zeppelin or the radio edit of "Tubular Bells." Contestants are judged by skill, grace under fire, and ability to make armpit noises sound something like the songs they are supposed to be playing.

Yes! I wish to request Fart and Soul!

[Krokodil_Gena]

Yet more awful podcasting ideas:

Best Show Armwrasslin'. Video podcast of AP Mike arm-wrestling guests and crew of The Best Show for short-lived glory.

AP Mike presents "PeeperTalk: the Podcast". I'm going to make this stupid idea a thing if it kills me - it's a podcast of interviews with peepers. Why they did it, their issues with dodging buckshot and ladder failure, etc. No stalkers, obscene phone callers, or private investigators - just Peeping Toms. The creepier the better.

AP Mike's Cash Challenge. One of those lucite chambers the guest/victim steps into with the money floating by thanks to a couple of hidden ducted fans. The Mike Lisk difference in this video podcast is that it's all Monopoly money with the actual value cut in half, so the wad of fake money they may snatch out of the chamber may only be worth 20 bucks and change.

Hoaxing with AP Mike. For the James Randi-loving readers of Skeptical Inquirer and Skeptic magazine, this is the counter to "What Was THAT?" featuring AP Mike - host Mike Lisk will show the viewers how to make fake UFO photos and videos, how to recreate Loch Ness Monster photos, make your own copy of the Shroud of Turin, and run your own "haunted" space that terrifies amateur ghost hunters. If Mike can be as obnoxious as Randi was in his 1970s-1990s heyday, possibly Uri Geller will sue him just like he did James Randi!

[Krokodil_Gena]

(For the record, as of this writing I am on a five-day-and-change Twitter suspension because 'bots are idiots. So, Mike, I am not ignoring you.)