Let's see James Bond try to resolve this one.
Any column that includes the phrase "showed up at the funeral, pulling up at the cemetery in a limo with what was described as a menacingly burly chauffeur" is 2/3 of the way to already being the next Bond movie.
Here's what's missing:
- Love interest: a younger member of the Merino clan, perhaps Tits Merino, or a sexy member of the Stevens family, like Handjobia Stevens.
- Comic relief to offset the mechanical acting of Daniel Craig: the comedic styling of "the original punk" Don Rickles, who would have terrible lines like "Palm Reader? I hardly know her!" and "Rub my crystal balls, you hockey puck".
- Some sort of luxury sport or hobby: I choose kite surfing
- A stupid title: "Black Bob, White Bob, Blood Red" or "Danger in the Cards"
I would love to see Tom's recap on scharplingandwurster.com for that one.
