Author Topic: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)  (Read 16722 times)

erika

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend!
« Reply #15 on: February 08, 2008, 03:39:57 PM »

From that point forward, I was still friendly with her at work, but we never went out for another night on the town I've also been constructing an elaborate scheme to get her fired involving illegal porn and mail fraud.

fixed!

hahaha. That's a good idea. I'm taking notes.

But really, it's payback enough to know that she still hasn't had a meaninful relationship in 2 years and I do :)

Biggest drama queen I've ever met. EVER.
from the land of pleasant living

Beth

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #16 on: February 08, 2008, 11:58:41 PM »
I had a friend. My ex-boyfriend slept with her for three weeks before he decided to tell me about it and break up with me. The end.

Also, when I was living in New York City all my friends had a nose candy problem. Since moving upstate,I don't really talk to any of them anymore. It's such a lame drug. It makes you think you're sexy, charming, and smart, when really you look like a total idiot, and say the stupidest crap.

erika

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #17 on: February 09, 2008, 12:02:23 PM »
Also, when I was living in New York City all my friends had a nose candy problem. Since moving upstate,I don't really talk to any of them anymore. It's such a lame drug. It makes you think you're sexy, charming, and smart, when really you look like a total idiot, and say the stupidest crap.

Yup. Nose candy will do it every time.

I have an old friend I don't keep in touch with that much anymore... Her husband and other friends are way too into this stuff, and she's in total denial. You can't even try to talk to her about it. A few weeks ago I learned that two of her friends (who I used to be friends with too) had the department of children's services called on them for letting their three year old and seven year old wander around in the street by themselves while they were sleeping off the candy-binge they had the night before. Disgusting.

That old friend in Pittsburgh is slowly [and sadly] making her way out the door as well. I know it's not her fault, but it's too hard to be around someone who is so in denial about her own life. It makes me sad. I really liked her.
from the land of pleasant living

Shaggy 2 Grote

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #18 on: February 09, 2008, 02:39:46 PM »
I just ghosted a friend.  He was my college roommate, and intensely loyal, so much so that I would forgive his increasing craziness and inability to listen during conversations.  For whatever reason, he got into this militia-nut crap to really unnerving proportions - like, he had this one story about how traffic court was unconstitutional because the flag has a gold fringe, which means that it operates under maritime law or something - the kind of stuff where people spend hours on the internet learning how to avoid taxes and such.  I would even forgive his occasional clueless forays into anti-Semitism, reminding him that I'm Jewish and in the 15 years we've known each other I obviously haven't been running anything at all, certainly not the international banking system, the media, or the US government.  He had a kid and moved from Jersey to the Florida panhandle, which has only made him crazier.

Anyway, a few months ago he got wind that I was experiencing modest success and called me with some vague injunctions "not to forget my friends."  He's one of those guys who dabbles in everything - music, art, comedy, screenwriting.  I tried to explain that I wasn't really all that successful, and I could offer pretty much what I had been all along, which is advice on his writing and introductions where appropriate (which would not be often because I don't trust him not to act like a nutjob).

So that was weird.  Then about a month and a half ago he called, and I was genuinely happy to hear from him, hoping we could bridge our differences - and he launched into a series of talking points re. why I should vote for Ron Paul.  It became increasingly obvious that he was part of a campaign effort for Paul supporters to call their "liberal" friends or whatever.  He'd done worse, but this was the final straw.
Oh, good heavens. I didn’t realize. I send my condolences out to the rest of the O’Connor family.

Kibblesmith

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #19 on: February 10, 2008, 04:52:15 PM »
Anyway, a few months ago he got wind that I was experiencing modest success and called me with some vague injunctions "not to forget my friends." ...Then about a month and a half ago he called, and I was genuinely happy to hear from him, hoping we could bridge our differences - and he launched into a series of talking points re. why I should vote for Ron Paul.  It became increasingly obvious that he was part of a campaign effort for Paul supporters to call their "liberal" friends or whatever.  He'd done worse, but this was the final straw.

Haha, Jason, outstanding tale. Stay safe.

dave from knoxville

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #20 on: February 10, 2008, 10:36:15 PM »
It's no fun to realize you ARE the ex-friend.

Don't I know it.

samir

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #21 on: February 10, 2008, 11:09:21 PM »
It's no fun to realize you ARE the ex-friend.

Don't I know it.

I hear that. It was my birthday last week and though I spent the day with close family and friends, I got precisely ONE phone call all day. Presumably all my friends from undergrad have decided that I'm a ghost.
This made me more sad that I'd like to let on.
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dave from knoxville

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #22 on: February 10, 2008, 11:38:54 PM »
Happy Birthday, Samir. You're my new friend. You're funny, and I dig your accent. Can I send you some horrible music to help you celebrate?

Sarah

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #23 on: February 11, 2008, 08:12:33 AM »
I've been the droppee far more often than the dropper (I'm a loyal sort).  Usually, I'm dropped for reasons no more dramatic than a change of work/lifestyle, but some breakups have been quite startling.  I've spent decades trying to figure out what it is about me that accounts for this.  My conclusion is that it's because I tend not to initiate contact or share secrets (except, apparently, on message boards).  More than once in the past, a friend has decided "no more" simply because s/he got tired of soul-baring with no return.  Such lack of reciprocity screws up the balance in a friendship:  eventually, too much power.  Resentment sets in, and then a burning desire to have no more to do with the person who has acted as mother/father confessor.

Of course, it could just be that I'm a pain in the ass.

folksnake

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #24 on: February 11, 2008, 09:09:10 AM »
I've been reading this for a while now, thinking I didn't have an example of my own. Then the talk about the nexus of substance abuse/friendship reminded me that I had one. Can't believe it didn't occur to me before...

I have a friend, someone I consider a friend, but don't talk to. We've known each other since high school, where we did all the usual recreational stuff everyone else did (this was the late 70's, the statistical high point for drug/alcohol use by kids (Yay, Class of 1977!!!). Anyway, I eventually stopped all of that--drink being the real issue; my brother died of it along the way--and have been happy ever since. But this friend has not moderated his habits as he has grown older. He moved away, and for a long time I'd get phone calls at night, and he'd be drunk, and it was awful to get on the phone with him. He's one of those phone people who will call you, and ask "What's up?" and have nothing to tell you himself--YOU'RE supposed to carry the weight of the conversation. You end up thinking "Why did you call me up and have nothing to say?" Tom would GOMP him in half a sentence, I'm afraid.

So I stopped picking up the phone when he called--and the messages he left got less frequent, and more sad and whiny, until they stopped. The final few had a hurt tone to them, an edge of abandonment and anger. I'm torn by the conflicting feelings that I was supposed to help him somehow and by the need to stay as far away from his voice as possible--preserving my happy state is a major priority. I need to be careful.

As I said earlier--I consider him a friend, and if he were always sober when he called, I would probably talk to him (though he would still end up making me do 95% of the work in the conversation; it's just how he is).

I can't believe that I hadn't thought of that until now. I must have done a good job of putting that memory away.

God Stewart

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #25 on: February 11, 2008, 09:38:01 AM »
I got a big one.

One summer two of my friends and I moved into a new apartment and we needed a fourth person to sublet and split the rent for a while. One of my friends suggested having his ex live with us. It had been a while since they had been a couple and we were all good friends so, after emphasizing the stress of living with an ex-girlfriend and getting his guarantee that it would be cool, we all moved in together. There was minor friction between her, the non-exboyfriend roommate and myself. We'd have arguments about who should empty the cat litter and had to explain to her that emptying the cat litter into the toilet backed it up, little stuff in the scheme of things but she took it very personally. Eventually it became the ex-couple versus the rest of the house and she would come home and warmly greet her cat while completely ignoring our genuinely friendly greetings.

In any case, the end of the sublet came and I invited her out to a really nice restaurant to say thank you for subletting and so we could let by-gones be by-gones. I decided to be the bigger guy, appologized for stuff that wasn't my fault and asked her if there was anything she wanted to get off her chest. Nada. I paid for dinner and assumed everything was peachy keen.

Cut to a week later, our new roommate and an old friend of mine reports she spent an entire car ride telling him what an asshole I am and that I am impossible to live with and that he should back out now before he moved with us. He ignored this advice and everything was fine because I'm not an asshole or impossible to live with. Anyway she still had a key to our apartment, she would pop in and pretend evertyhing was cool until I couldn't take it anymore. I told her ex that I didn't want her anywhere near the place because of A,B and C and essentially ended my friendship with her. The sad part was about a year later they got back together and he wound up ghosting me because I never forgave and never forgot. He was a really great guy too. It was a shame.

Pat K

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2008, 10:56:36 AM »
There could be a whole subthread to this about friendships ended due to roommate-trauma. 90% of the time I've had great experiences living with friends/acquaintances, but that 10% of the time when it's gone horribly wrong has made me forever wary about living with anyone I know ever again. At this point, I'd rather live with a stranger who I have no emotional or social invesment in at all, and risk having problems with them, than live with a friend and risk losing a friendship over some stupid shit. That shit can be such a bummer.

Ditto as well for perfectly fine friendships ended due to problems with said-friends significant other. Like most other people, I've been on both ends of that situation more than a few times, and it never gets any less shitty. There have been exactly two friends I've ghosted where I've actually felt great about it and had a complete sense of satisfaction about just cutting out a piece of dead wood from my life. But much more often, no matter which end of the situation you're on or who's in the right or wrong, it's always just a fucking shame more than anything else.


Also, why do I keep reading this thread? Most Depressing Thread Ever!!
I'm warning you with peace and love.

Phantom Hugger

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #27 on: February 11, 2008, 11:08:13 AM »
Also, why do I keep reading this thread? Most Depressing Thread Ever!!

The one mitigating factor to this most depressing of threads is the recasting of the word ghost as a verb with a new emerging definition.

ghost      [goʊst]
–noun
1.   the soul of a dead person, a disembodied spirit imagined, usually as a vague, shadowy or evanescent form, as wandering among or haunting living persons.
2.   a mere shadow or semblance; a trace: He's a ghost of his former self.
-verb
3.      to break off or dissolve (ties, relations, etc.), often with reservation but ultimately giving greater relief.


Martin Edison

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #28 on: February 11, 2008, 11:51:52 AM »
Recently, Hi-maintenance friends are on my "Ghost List".
They need more attention than I can give.

It's a real drag.
no comment

God Stewart

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Re: Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)
« Reply #29 on: February 11, 2008, 12:08:52 PM »
Also, why do I keep reading this thread? Most Depressing Thread Ever!!

I was just thinking that this topic, on air, would be far, far worse than "Turk 182 it."