Racist Joke Remixes - GOOOOOOOOO!

[Shaggy 2 Grote]

Yeah, but don't they just not like anybody that isn't amish?  The real joke should be "I'm not Amish.  I don't speak whatever Amish language you're speaking."
and then the Amish guy says "Use two hands you'll get more in your mouth.  I hope you die, English.  But right before you die, my daughter needs a lift to her housekeeping gig, and I need to use the payphone outside of the Travel America plaza off Route 80.  Let's say you give us a ride in your fancy Lexus, you yankee piece of shit."
and then the non-Amish guy goes "Holy god this water is terrible!  Why oh why did I not simply seek out a well to drink from?!"
Amish guy: "Beats me.  Stupid."

The End.

Okay, it's not that funny.

Okay, it's not that funny.

I disagree.  I also propose a racist joke remix contest, if for no other reason it'll bring back memories of FOTchan. 

[Julie]

So re-mix the one about the polish priest and the rabbi for me...

[John Junk 2.0]

Yeah I think we need some raw materials here.

[yesno]

Raw material joke:

Two Irishmen, Paddy and Murphy, pass each other on a rural byway.  Murphy is carrying a large lumpy sack.  There appears to be something moving around inside of it.  "What do you have in that sack?" asked Paddy.  "Oh, I've got some pigs," replied Murphy.  "Tell you what," said Paddy.  "If I can guess how many pigs you have in that sack, will you give me one of them?" "I'll do you one better," replied Murphy.  "If you guess right, I'll let you have both of them."  "I guess that there are three pigs," said Paddy.

[TL]

Yer man Mick McGann called up Aer Lingus and said, "Em, yes... hello?  Yes - em, can ye tell me, exactly how long is de floight from Shannon te New York?"  The person on the other end of the line starts typing and says, "Just a second, sir..."  And yer man Mick says, "Oh dat's GREAT!  Oi'll take one!"

[Martin]

Aer Lingus... I'd heard awful stories, people comparing them to Ryanair and so on (worst airline ever), but they were more than decent on my trip from JFK to Dublin recently. I got an entire row of seats (4) to myself.

[Sarah]

Have you ever noticed that most racist jokes are just as funny (or not) when the racist elements are removed?

Two men, George and Harold, pass each other on a rural byway.  George is carrying a large lumpy sack.  There appears to be something moving around inside of it.  "What do you have in that sack?" asked Harold.  "Oh, I've got some pigs," replied George.  "Tell you what," said Harold.  "If I can guess how many pigs you have in that sack, will you give me one of them?" "I'll do you one better," replied George.  "If you guess right, I'll let you have both of them."  "I guess that there are three pigs," said Harold.

A fellow called up an airline and said, "Em, yes... hello?  Yes - em, can you tell me, exactly how long is the flight from Los Angeles to New York?"  The person on the other end of the line starts typing and says, "Just a second, sir..."  And the caller says, "Oh that's GREAT!  I'll take one!"

It's remarkable how unimportant the racist part of the joke is.

[bobby.]

Have you ever noticed that most racist jokes are just as funny (or not) when the racist elements are removed?

Two men, George and Harold, pass each other on a rural byway.  George is carrying a large lumpy sack.  There appears to be something moving around inside of it.  "What do you have in that sack?" asked Harold.  "Oh, I've got some pigs," replied George.  "Tell you what," said Harold.  "If I can guess how many pigs you have in that sack, will you give me one of them?" "I'll do you one better," replied George.  "If you guess right, I'll let you have both of them."  "I guess that there are three pigs," said Harold.

A fellow called up an airline and said, "Em, yes... hello?  Yes - em, can you tell me, exactly how long is the flight from Los Angeles to New York?"  The person on the other end of the line starts typing and says, "Just a second, sir..."  And the caller says, "Oh that's GREAT!  I'll take one!"

It's remarkable how unimportant the racist part of the joke is.

I'm not sure... I think the originals were funnier, with the accents and names, haha.



An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport. "Oi've come to meet me brother", said the Irishman. "He's flyin' in from Amerikey in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in 40 years." "Will you be able to recognise him?" asked the American. "Oi'm sure oi won't", said the Irishman. "After all, he's bin away for a long time."

"I wonder if he'll recognise you", said the American.

"Of course he will", said the Irishman. "Sure an' oi haven't been away at all."





That's a terrible joke.

[Sarah]

Oh, fine. I'll grant there's a little bit of extra funniness in the mean-spiritedness of the racist versions.  But it's not terribly important, and, what's more, it telegraphs the punch lines--or at least their flavor--because you know the Irishman/Pole/Belgian/blonde/whatever is going to be stupid, the Jew or the Scot is going to be stingy, and so on.

I hate racist jokes.  I know, I know--everyone here does.  But because I encounter them with some regularity in lily white rural Maine, told by people who honestly can't understand why anyone would be offended by them, I'm hypersensitive about them.  Sorry.  I'll (try to) stay out of this from now on.

[Julie]

Yes, and knowing something about the origin of the stupid polock jokes makes me want to vomit when I hear one.

[TL]

Yes, and knowing something about the origin of the stupid polock jokes makes me want to vomit when I hear one.

Now this is interesting, Julie - what IS the origin of the Polish joke?  I was just having a discussion with an English guy about the fact that he'd heard that most racist jokes in America were directed at the Polish.  I told him that 25 - 30 years ago, I remember that being true - Polish jokes were all the rage, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why - as in why THEN?  Why was it so big in the early 80s?  And what IS the origin?  I'd always just assumed it was the latest in the "insert ethnic group who's trying to assimilate here" strain of joke telling, but the Polish in my area seemed to have been there for as long as (mostly) anybody else - I never understood it.
Also, for better or for worse, I do practice the "I'm Irish, therefore, I'm allowed to laugh at Irish jokes, if they're delivered with love," principle, but trust me Sarah - the second I hear a racial joke delivered with anything BUT love, the teller earns nothing but my HATE.
Having said that, a good example of what you were talking about regarding the non-necessity of having a specific ethnicity in the joke is one I remember hearing as a Polish joke when I was a kid, but for Lubec, we'll put a different spin on it:
"Did you hear about the Moncton municipal league hockey team?  They drowned in spring training."  (rim shot!)
And as you say, that particular joke's effect is not contingent on the specific group of people it's directed at - Minnesotans could say it about Iowans, Northerners could say it about Southerners, etc., and vise versa.

[chrisfoll577]

... but for Lubec, we'll put a different spin on it:
"Did you hear about the Moncton municipal league hockey team?  They drowned in spring training."  (rim shot!)
And as you say, that particular joke's effect is not contingent on the specific group of people it's directed at - Minnesotans could say it about Iowans, Northerners could say it about Southerners, etc., and vise versa.

i'm pretty sure you could replace moncton with 'newfie' TL and it would ring a lot more true.  my family is from newfoundland and otherwise tolerant canadians find newfie jokes just as hilarious as americans find polish jokes.  i don't think they're that funny even though i'm allowed to... (newfoundlanders are still relatively poor and viewed as a drain on canada's welfare state).  i try to think of this when anyone tells a polish or other racist joke.  that said... i still got a chuckle out of the irish jokes  told by old literature teachers who happened to be irish at my catholic high school, the pacing and style are pretty unique and funny alone.

[Shaggy 2 Grote]

Man, where are the remixes?  Don't tell me I'm gonna have to start. 

Here's a somewhat alarming trend: unfunny comedians who lead audiences in Orwellian "2 minutes hate" routines against some "safe" enemy.  Here's Dane Cook on atheists:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztzmcEGwdYQ[/youtube]

[TL]

Here's Dane Cook on atheists:

Holy shit. 
I guess it makes sense, though (that he'd be an aggressive Christian who seems to cherish none of the spirit of Christianity, doesn't understand the science of decomposition and plant food, and gets off on the idea of violently printing a Bible on the pulp of a tree grown from the compost of a former atheist's body).  Does he make gay jokes, too?

[samir]

Two unemployed Irish men were in the job centre, looking at posted adverts, and saw one that said "TREE FELLERS WANTED". One of them said to the other, "What a pity there's only two of us".