Awesome. Thanks guys. That means a lot, especially coming from John From Maplewood, the originator. Here's the conclusion:
CHARLIE ROSE: We’re back with my guests from the new movie “Dutch”—
BILLY CRYSTAL: Every kid on my block, we all wanted to be Mickey. We worshipped Mickey!
TOM SCHARPLING: WHO CARES?!?!
ANDY MILONOKIS: (LAUGHTER)
BILLY CRYSTAL: What are you laughing at you little freak?
CHARLIE ROSE: Look Billy, you have to behave on my show…This is my program.
BILLY CRYSTAL: I invented one man shows, Charlie.
TOM SCHARPLING: He’s showin’ off now.
BILLY CRYSTAL: Frank Rich called my New Orleans Jazz Man “delightful” when it debuted.
CHARLIE ROSE: Frank Rich is a friend of mine, and he never said that.
ANDY MILONAKIS: (To Billy Crystal) I hate you.
CHARLIE ROSE: Let’s look at another clip.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ROY ZIEGLER, ACTOR: You’s gotta get outta bed, Dutch. We’re’s gonna be late fer the goi-ant protest rally downtown and stuff.
ANDY MILONAKIS: Nothing matters anymore. You and Timmons go without me.
FRANK STALLONE, ACTOR: We’re not giving up on you’s, Dutch; just like you’s never gave up on us back in nem Choinese prison camps, neitha.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BILLY CRYSTAL: Skee-Bop, Do-Wop, Ooh-Wee-Ooh-Wee-Ooh-Wah…
CHARLIE ROSE: (Clutches Billy Crystals hand) Billy, please try and concentrate so we can get through this.
(The dour six-note theme song to Stroszeck sounds from Tom Scharpling’s cell phone. He answers.)
TOM SCHARPLING: Mike, you’ve gotta get me out of here! This is a disaster! I’ve made a deal with the devil! They're all creeps!
BILLY CRYSTAL: (To Charlie Rose) You…look…MARVELOUS!
CHARLIE ROSE: (Calling into the deep blackness of the soundstage.) Security!
ANDY MILONAKIS: (Springs from his chair.) That’s it, I’m gonna show him his own blood!
(Call Screener Mike enters, still on his phone. Tom looks up with an expression of relief. He puts his phone away and stands up. He clutches Mike’s collar.)
TOM SCHARPLING: I don’t know how I got here! I never wanted to make this movie or write any of those behind the scenes paperbacks. Take my air hockey and classic arcade gamming trophies away! Take them all!
CALL SCREENER MIKE: Tom, it’s alright. It's over. (Offering his cell phone.) Someone wants to talk to you.
TOM SCHARPLING: WFMU, you’re on the—I mean, hello. (INAUDIBLE VOICE ON THE OTHER LINE)…From?...Miami…And what can I do for you tonight?...Ok…Yes…Well, I have to say, Andy Milonakis has been surprisingly pleasant. But, no, I’m not having fun...Huh?...You don’t tell me what time it is; I tell you what…How daaare you! GET OFF MY…Who?...Did what?...Holy Moley. (Tom hangs up and gives Mike his phone back.) (To Mike) Dutch is cancelled. I’m out. Doddy bought the rights to Dutch!
MIKE: Let’s go. Larry The Perv has Doddy’s solid gold helicopter idling on the roof.
TOM SCHARPLING: Where are we going?
CALL SCREENER MIKE: It’s Tuesday night. It’s eight o’clock.
