This girl I know works at a public library in a bad part of L.A. Recently they had a problem with homeless guys fucking each other outside on the side of the building while using mayonnaise as lube in broad daylight. That's right: Midday Mayo-Fucking.
...yellowed mayo jar with little hairs stuck on it...
OH BARF! I'm trying to eat a grilled cheese sandwich here, you douchebag.