Clark out in Union returns to the WFMU airwaves after an extended hiatus. He was flipping around the Internet radio dial and landed on Tom's air hockey riff. Clark says it gave him a rush of nostalgia, but he really called to offer some poetic justice. After a few starts and stops, Clark launches into a seemingly Bob-inspired take on anorexic female celebrities getting busted for drunk driving. He mentions that one of these troubled starlets was charged with a second DUI, but only spent three hours in jail. Clark says he's not sure if it was Lindsay Lohan because he doesn't keep up with that "Hollywood crap." Hello! Get ready. Here it comes. He thinks a judge should sentence these might-be-Lohans to serve the community by driving around with Ted Kennedy. Tom really enjoys this brand of comedic justice. Clark is confident that this dangerous assignment will cure 'em! He's done it again, and Tom hopes he keeps calling. Ew buoy.
Hello! Clark returns with 2.5 little comments and a poetic justice. He admits to being interested in the "Where Are They Now" celebrity updates and gives it up to former Diff'rent Strokes child star Gary Coleman for trying like hell to find new ways to cling to some form of pop culture resonance. Coleman's no-quit attitude makes Clark giggle. This was his half comment. Clark moves on to Cavemen, which he doesn't see lasting very long unless the central premise involves the cavemen fighting for equal rights. He thinks the makeup is all fine and dandy, but he doesn't see much potential for comedic dialogue. Tom asks Clark if he's been an announcer in the past because he clearly has the pipes for such a gig. Clarks says he is one of those dreaded, horrible, vulgar, taking-money-from-corporate-broadcasters Internet radio people. He realized that he could plug a microphone into his computer, gained access to a server, and now he's an international broadcaster.Clarks hosts "Venison Stew," a very light humor program that he describes as "a tree fort for adults." He giggles again because he added another deer reference to tonight's program. Tom is laughing along with Clark until he's forced to GOMP the giddy sleaze merchant for toilet talk. He tells Mike to tell Clark to watch his mouth and hang up on him if he calls again. Tom bets that Clark advertises Gentlemen's Club and reviews the hottest lap dances in the tri-state area while inside his Internet tree fort. He actually saves that material for his offshoot podcast called "Venison Stew's Dirty Leg Revue," which is funded by an endowment from Kern Publications. Tom continues to stockpile evidence that it's a sick, sick, sick, sick, world. The Chunklet guy is forcing The Jesus Lizard's catalog on people, Clark is polluting the Internet airwaves, Ted Nugent is alive, and Matthew from Fluxblog has taken an improbable trip to The Hate Pit. Tom considers enlisting Matthew as a Hate Pit correspondent and recommends that he post some .mp3s of Mickey Dolenz doing his stupid Jimmy Cagney impression.
Clark calls to beg for a chance to redeem himself with a quickie poetic justice. Tom tells Clark that this is his 18th poetic justice of the night, and Clark disputes the number. Tom says he was exaggerating for comedic effect. Clark asks Tom to look at France, and Tom asks if this is something he has to do. Tom's quip and subsequent whooping laffs prove Clark's point -- the country has an arrogant attitude and likes to spit on Americans. Tom refers to the country as Freedom. Clark wants Tom to chew on the idea of Vietnam invading France. He doesn't think anyone would see it coming, and he's certain the United States wouldn't intervene because oh no, here we go again! Tom wants to know if people can get these kinds of riffs on "Venison Stew". Clark says he fills the two hours on Tuesday and the three hours on Friday with a bunch of random thoughts from his head. He calls the more upbeat, dancey Friday show the "Party Edition", and this inspires Tom to sing a bit of Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend". Clark has played that song a couple of times. He declines to respond to Tom's query about whether Todd Rundgren's "Bang the Drum All Day" made it into any of his party playlists. Clark has a beef with the music industry, but he doesn't think Tom has enough time to get into this special pet peeve.Clark estimates his listenership at less than 100. Tom's shocked at the low number, and he finally figures out what Clark's been up to tonight. He saw The Best Show as an opportunity to drive new listeners to "Venison Stew". Clark denies using Tom to push his program, citing his refusal to give the website. He wishes everyone good luck in trying to find it using Google due to the countless results for venison stew recipes. Clark says the show's name is based on his screen name of "venison88". Tom's had enough of the self-promotion and starts to feel the competitive heat, so he bans Clark for one year. Clark claims the fallacy of Internet radio is that people actually know it exists. It's too late. He starts crying, and Tom GOMPs him. Tom's been down this road before, and he doesn't want Clark showing up at the studio with a microphone and a cooler. Every time The Kid entertains an apparent psycho, they hurt him. Look for Clark to return in 2008!
I want to see if it freaks me out to listen to him.
Thank you, Josh. I always forget about Recidivism!
