Gene Simmons Urinal Cake???

[not that James]

Dear Tom -

I was tempted to call in with this news, but I'd like to think that good taste prevailed, and I thought it was better to address this in email form.

I was in a bar recently and saw something that I just didn't want to believe was real.  I thought, at first, that I could block it out and deny its existence, but then it spoke to me, and I had to acknowledge not only the thing itself, but that it had made me an unwilling participant in its evil scheme.

I regret to inform you that the city of New York has been infected by what I can only describe (and it pains me to type these words) as the  "Gene Simmons Talking Urinal Cake".

Picture the scene.  I was innocently enjoying a beverage at a Midtown establishment when I felt the quite natural need to avail myself of the facilities.  Upon entering that most personal space of the oh-so-minimally private barroom urinal I looked down to discover the smirking face of none other than Gene Simmons, with his hands extended in a mocking gesture of penile inadequacy.  I pressed on with my business, determined not to allow this unwanted intrusion any purchase.  Then, the monster spoke, literally.

I will spare you the details of the dialog, but it was horrifying.   Mr. Simmons ridiculed my, well, he ridiculed me, and then after I had been lulled by his momentary silence into thinking the worst was over, he helpfully offered that it was time to "shake".

I ran back to my hotel room and googled "Gene Simmons urinal cake" to make sure I wasn't going insane, and alas, I wasn't: http://www.thedailyswarm.com/headlines/gene-simmons-use-talking-urinal-cakes-promote-family-jewels/

You are an influential person.  Is there anything you can do to stop this?

[not that James]

never mind... finally got to the end of the podcast... it's been flagged already by a caller...

[hugman]

I haven't heard that part of the show yet either, but these are in the trough at the cat & fiddle here in LA and apparently the bar has nothing to do with it. street teams drop them in, and, well, who's gonna pull 'em out?

[Chad from Oregon]

If he's sending out street teams to, eh, "drop them off" - that increases his creep by at least a factor of ten.

There was a time when you'd need to be in the market for a Toyota to find such a thing in an establishment...

[nec13]

If he's sending out street teams to, eh, "drop them off" - that increases his creep by at least a factor of ten.

This will likely be the subject of a future episode of "Gene Simmons' Family Jewels."

[Keith Whitener]

What do the Urinal cakes say?

[hugman]

First of all, he's holding his index fingers a few inches apart as if he were measuring your poopleplop.  Then, the thing I heard him say was, "my tongue's bigger than that".   Eecgchhhh!

[Chad from Oregon]

The world will be a little less pretty - and just that much closer to being in the terlet - once these begin to show up on eBay.

 

[Keith Whitener]

First of all, he's holding his index fingers a few inches apart as if he were measuring your poopleplop.  Then, the thing I heard him say was, "my tongue's bigger than that".   Eecgchhhh!

How is that good advertising? Who wants to watch a show whose star insults them? That's like if a bus were plastered with House's face on it and it said, "Diagnosis? Your shirt is stupid and so are you."

[citizenlewis]

First of all, he's holding his index fingers a few inches apart as if he were measuring your poopleplop.  Then, the thing I heard him say was, "my tongue's bigger than that".   Eecgchhhh!

Is this what he gets off on now that he has had more sex than anyone could have and retain their interest in it?  Like the Saturday night Live skit with Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr.

[Keith Whitener]

Is this what he gets off on now that he has had more sex than anyone could have and retain their interest in it?  Like the Saturday night Live skit with Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr.

I haven't seen that one. Think you could find a video or transcript of it?

[Chad from Oregon]

Whoomp... there it is.

[hugman]

worst of all, i don't think these things have any deodorizing crystals in them at all, hence they serve only to lessen our faith in humanity.

[dave from knoxville]

worst of all, i don't think these things have any deodorizing crystals in them at all, hence they serve only to lessen our faith in humanity.

The only way to verify this is to pick it up and examine it more closely.

[buffcoat]

He looks more like a lizard every day.