Fiore's Outtakes

[samir]

Have you guys read this dude's movie reviews? Apparently he has a TV show in Pittsburgh. Hates Obama, loves Rush Limbaugh, and likes the phrase "excrement on celluloid"

Also, his site is on Angelfire, so he's def legit.

http://www.angelfire.com/pq/fiore/Capsule20Critiques.html

[Spoony]

Oh my god, I've been skimming this site and it's hilarious.

It helps to read it in the dribbly voice of Jason of Home Movies.

[masterofsparks]

I mis-read the subject line as "Fieri's Outtakes." I must admit to being slightly let down by the reality, although the site is very funny. I think this guy might be my uncle writing under a pseudonym. I won't know for sure until I read his thoughts on Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector.

[masterofsparks]

His No Country For Old Men review is literally the dumbest piece of film criticism I have ever read.

[buffcoat]

Punisher: Warzone - A
I Am Legend - A
There Will Be Blood - F

That's quite a review system.


Yes, let's spend the entire No Country for Old Men - C review talking about Apple's movie editing products.

[DoodleJump!]

Those movie reviews just make me grimace and shake my head.

[erechoveraker]

Apparently he has a TV show in Pittsburgh.

Has to be on public access or something, I've never seen this boob before.

Thank you for fixing that. 

[Spoony]

I just watched I Am Legend for the first time yesterday, and I love the disconnect in his review. He says tepidly "This is good for a date night night movie" which is another way of saying "it is what it is," then wheels around and gives it an A.

It's like pinball, where a you get a million just for putting a quarter in.

[masterofsparks]

Yes, let's spend the entire No Country for Old Men - C review talking about Apple's movie editing products.

What's weird is that he puts in all of the tech talk as a way of pointing out why the movie looks so bad, which it demonstrably does not.

Also, because nobody else pointed it out, he also gave Transformers an A.

[PatrickChew]

What a doucherocket:

"That’s the most frustrating element of this film; watching our soldiers, with superior weapons and technology, attempting to preserve life in a war zone with their hands tied behind their backs. If I were in the shoes of one of the point men, the body count in THE HURT LOCKER would have been considerably higher."

"BURN AFTER READING is silly, but not really funny. I would have laughed more watching The Three Stooges; say ‘Men in Black’ or ‘Disorder in the Court’."

"While its philosophical tones irritated me, like sandpaper on flesh, IRON MAN is still fun to watch."

[Joe Rogaine]

Wow he hated Fantastic Mr. Fox. Who hates that? That movie was just fun.


Someone needs to put this guys tv show up on Youtube immediately.

[Regular Joe]

What a doucherocket:

"That’s the most frustrating element of this film; watching our soldiers, with superior weapons and technology, attempting to preserve life in a war zone with their hands tied behind their backs. If I were in the shoes of one of the point men, the body count in THE HURT LOCKER would have been considerably higher."

"BURN AFTER READING is silly, but not really funny. I would have laughed more watching The Three Stooges; say ‘Men in Black’ or ‘Disorder in the Court’."

"While its philosophical tones irritated me, like sandpaper on flesh, IRON MAN is still fun to watch."

The Hurt Locker was better when the Stooges did it first. I only briefly scanned your post.

[jbissell]

I find his "key scenes to look for" very helpful.  I can finish most movies in under 10 min. now.

A few others have mentioned it but the disconnect in his reviews is really pretty amazing. After praising the performances and "amazing imagery" he ends the review with

If you personally need a film to alibi your evil deeds, LUST, CAUTION teaches it is okay to become a whore for a cause. (Again, we keep coming back to Hillary!). If you’re not looking to placate your skank ways, it will prove to be too long, amounting to nothing more than a Chinese chick flick.

Also this:

The original “Bean”, still ranks as one of the funnies films ever made. It contains all the Shakespearian formulas for comedy and continues to provide belly laughs a decade after its release.

I'm also really enjoying his bashing of "two letter cities".