"You should say THIS."

[harris]

So I had the idea for a thread about something I think that we can all benefit from. My roommates boyfriend who is ultra hipster is kinda starting to wear on my nerves. See every time I listen to music in my room then go out to use the bathroom or get food he'll say "Nice Big Star." or smile at me and say "Velvet Underground." The point is that I never know what to say so I usually just say "Yep they're the best" and exit swiftly.

Also I'll ask if he likes something and he'll give me a dead end answer. Me: "By the way, do you like Neil Young?" Him: "After the Gold Rush. Harvest."

He also said "Oh yeah that's the one with Ricky Gervosian. I heard it was great." when I told him I saw Invention of Lying.
And when I wanted to recommend Beegees 1st. I asked "Hey have you heard early Beegees." and he said quickly "Yes. AMAZING." And I realized he probably wouldve said that to anything because why would I ask him if he knew of terrible music. Thats why I can't wait to see him to ask if he's heard early BBMak.
Any help with quick quips or anything? His mistaken and dead end namedrops are too funny to let be.

[thom]

Just make up a bunch of fake bands.

[Martin]

Go Newbridge. Gas Station Dogs, Mother 13, Sister Sheila, MickNickPickMickNick, etc.

[harris]

Just make up a bunch of fake bands.

I might speak highly of the newest group like MickNickPickMickNick.  How about ChanCabDeerOldhamCollective?

[yesno]

You: Do you like x?
Him: Yeah, they're great.
You: Not me, I can't stand them.

Also:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/your-band-sucks/how-fake-it.php

[dave from knoxville]

You: Do you like x?
Him: Yeah, they're great.
You: Not me, I can't stand them.

Also:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/your-band-sucks/how-fake-it.php

You're welcome to use Momentum Flux

[buffcoat]

The Southern response is, brightly, "Well, bless your heart!"

Try this one, sotto voce the first time: "You don't know what the hell you're talking about, do you?"

[TacoSmith]

Do you like Gary Cherone-era Black Sabbath?

[KickTheBobo]

kind of related, but whenever someone (ok, invariably a chick I was digging) gives the whole "My boyfriend is in a band" line, I used to use the stock response "of course, he is".

I did that for years until I stumbled upon a better stock response.

Chick: "So yeah, my boyfriend plays circuit-bent Casio in this noise project. You should check them out, they're really good!"
Me: "Your boyfriend is in a band?"
Chick: "Yeah, totally. They're playing this awesome art space downtown that used to be a butcher shop."
Me: "That's so cute!"

[harris]

Me: "That's so cute!"

COLD BLOODED!

Whenever someone asks me how I know a certain bit of information I just presented them with I like to say quite pompously: "Well (name), I watch TV."

Or whenever I ask someone if they like a show like the Wire or something:
Me: "Hey do you like The Wire?"
Them: "I don't watch TV."
Me: "Right, but do you like The Wire?"

[Martin]

Great line, KtB - "That's adorable!" would be another one.

[Steeley Chris]

Great line, KtB - "That's adorable!" would be another one.

"How precious!"

[buffcoat]

Or wince and say, "Gee, I'm sorry.  That must be tough."

[Jim McGriddles]

Great line, KtB - "That's adorable!" would be another one.

I've used this before too!

I love this thread. I know / have known lots of kids who, upon mentioning the name of a band / film / director / whatever, will do nothing but quote related things (dialogue, album / film titles, whatever) to show you that they have THOROUGH knowledge of what you're talking about and that they approve of the fact that you like things that they like.  That is the ENTIRE CONVERSATION.  I met a kid at a party a while back who heard I liked indie music, and he cornered me and made me list bands and records that I liked so he could note how much he hated some of them (literally all he did was go "They're terrible" and then move on).  After the party I found out that he really liked talking to me. Ugh.

One time I was in a "listversation" and I slipped this in.

Me: Do you like Ponys?
Kid: Oh yeah...they have a pretty cool sound.
Me: The animals?

This was before a band called Ponys came into existence.  I think it's hilarious that people will lie about knowing bands / whatever just so they maintain their cultural wizardry stature. I'm guilty of having done this in the past (thankfully, I'm reformed), and I'd always ask myself why I felt the need to lie about something so stupid. It's ok not to know everything about everything!

[KickTheBobo]

I've used this before too!

I love this thread. I know / have known lots of kids who, upon mentioning the name of a band / film / director / whatever, will do nothing but quote related things (dialogue, album / film titles, whatever) to show you that they have THOROUGH knowledge of what you're talking about and that they approve of the fact that you like things that they like.  That is the ENTIRE CONVERSATION.  I met a kid at a party a while back who heard I liked indie music, and he cornered me and made me list bands and records that I liked so he could note how much he hated some of them (literally all he did was go "They're terrible" and then move on).  After the party I found out that he really liked talking to me. Ugh.

One time I was in a "listversation" and I slipped this in.

Me: Do you like Ponys?
Kid: Oh yeah...they have a pretty cool sound.
Me: The animals?

This was before a band called Ponys came into existence.  I think it's hilarious that people will lie about knowing bands / whatever just so they maintain their cultural wizardry stature. I'm guilty of having done this in the past (thankfully, I'm reformed), and I'd always ask myself why I felt the need to lie about something so stupid. It's ok not to know everything about everything!

If you've ever found yourself trapped in a game of oneupsmanship with a Culture Wizard (thank you, I am going to use this term in the new decade), I find the following a great trick shot:

You: "So what are you listening to these days?"
Wizard: "Real esoteric stuff, man. like AIDS Wolf."
You: (pause) "I don't know what that is."

edit: I figured that I had to dracsearch AIDS Wolf since I dropped the reference and all (and have never actually heard them). They are exactly how I imagined them to sound.