Stories of Humiliation

[John Junk 2.0]

DfK!  Holy Shit! 

I think I have a patron saint for this thread:

[Sarah]

dfk: WHAT?!

I know, I was really surprised to learn that DfK reached the age of 17 without masturbating!

[todd]

This one is pretty bad for cringe-factor:

I have a happy, playful relationship with my girlfriend - when she walks by, I will pinch her, poke her, tickle her, etc. We've been dating 6 years, so most of these things are ingrained into my muscle memory at this point, and I do them without thinking. She'll usually giggle and go about her business.

There was a coworker at one of my old jobs that looked a little bit like my girlfriend. I wasn't attracted to her or anything, but I guess sometimes my subconscious was tricked. You probably see where this is going.

One day she bent over to pick something up - I swear to god I wasn't trying to be creepy or sexual, I just did it without even thinking - I slapped her on the butt. The split second after my hand made contact, my vision blurred, my blood pressure spiked, and I screamed "GAAAHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT."

She turned around red-faced and I kept screaming words that didn't form sentences. It was the most horrendous, awkward moment ever. We were good enough friends that she eventually laughed about it (the office teased me about it for months), but that was the worst 30 seconds of my life.

[gravy boat]

Dfk:  you did it again.  That was an awesome story.  You may have had the best teenage job evah, with this and the Acuff story.

One thing though

Emma, pay attention; this is one of the stories I owe you.

when Chris Hanson knocks on your door, put some clothes on before you answer. And don't try to run away across your lawn.  You're admittedly not nimble enough for that.

[John Junk 2.0]

todd, I love that you were trying to scream off the reality of the last 30 seconds! 

I once made a crack from Doctor Detroit in front of an African American young lady (again, junior high) that I kindaknew was racist, but didn't really realize the extent until it had just escaped my mouth.  Then I apologized 8,000 times and only in the middle of my apologizing did she realize what I just said, had it sink in, got mad, and then began to say "It's cool" to shut me up.  Yeesh.  Fuckin' Akroyd movies.

[todd]

todd, I love that you were trying to scream off the reality of the last 30 seconds! 

I once made a crack from Doctor Detroit in front of an African American young lady (again, junior high) that I kindaknew was racist, but didn't really realize the extent until it had just escaped my mouth.  Then I apologized 8,000 times and only in the middle of my apologizing did she realize what I just said, had it sink in, got mad, and then began to say "It's cool" to shut me up.  Yeesh.  Fuckin' Akroyd movies.

Yes, exactly! The worst embarrassments are when you do something you KNOW is wrong, but for some reason did it anyway. "I don't normally do this sort of thing..."

[iAmBaronVonTito]

everyone else seems to have something stemming from high school (or younger).

Perhaps the wounds inflicted by more recent humiliations are still too tender for people to poke at them here.

as im reading more of these stories, i realize one of my most humiliating moments involves sex as well.  i think we have enough of those stories already so im not going to disclose anything, but i have one less "friend" at any rate. 

[Bryan]

I worked in a movie theatre popcorn stand all the way through high school. A girl worked there who was a couple of years older than I was. For a long time she liked me - a lot. She was kind of awkward and I just didn't reciprocate her interest. Eventually, she got a boyfriend, and got engaged. A couple of weeks before the wedding, her fiance got cold feet and bailed out.

At around the time that her enagement was broken off, our movie theatre changed the oil we used for making popcorn from coconut to canola oil. One night this girl expressed some confusion about the relative merits of canola oil vs. corn oil. I said, "Corn oil is the same thing as canola oil! What kind of wife are you going to make!"

This "what kind of wife are you going to make" was a stock joke of mine at the time, and usually worked out pretty well. This time, as soon as I said it I realized how insanely mean it was, and started stammering apologies. Didn't matter. She cried and cried.

And of course I was wrong - corn oil is not the same as canola oil.

17 years later, I still flash to this moment on a regular basis and feel ashamed of how bad I made this girl feel.

[namethebats]

Ever pee your pants when you were 7 because you were at a roller skating party and were too uncoordinated to get your pants down in time because you still had your skates on?

Cuz I did.

No, but I did while playing little league baseball trying to hold it in until the end of the game. To make matters worse I rolled in the dirt to try to hide it... I could have blamed my water bottle but the dirt really made it look obvious. Pretty humiliating.

Yeah, but did you have players from the opposing team yell out "Look, he peed his pants?"

[Gilly]

Yeah. It wouldn't have been humiliating if I was able to hide it!

[emma]

DFK:

!!!!!!!!!!!

[Regular Joe]

DFK:

!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously. It's been said already, but DFK's story should close this whole thread. I laughed SO hard!

[AllisonLeGnome]

DFK:

!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously. It's been said already, but DFK's story should close this whole thread. I laughed SO hard!

Yeah, that definitely put all our stories to shame (no pun intended).