The Best Award Show on WFMU

[Sarah]

BEST CALLER
tie between Ted Leo (just because) and Paul F. Tompkins (because Tom has such a good time talking to him, even though we all feel left out during their conversations)

WORST CALLER
Julie (though she's a newcomer, I think she wins for sheer misguidedness, arrogance, and obnoxiousness)

MOST PATHETIC CALLER
tie between Hesh and James

MOST DELUSIONAL CALLER
Stevie Blue (I know he barely called and that I'm taking his earlier record into account, but the stream of gibberish and his absolute obliviousness seal it for me; Spike at least is self-aware)

BEST GOMP
Hesh or Henry Owing (he got GOMPed, right?)

BEST GUEST
tie between Patton Oswalt and the Gorch

BEST BEST SHOW RECAPPER
Andy (sorry, Omar--had to go with the underdog)

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
Eddie (because he makes Tom so happy)

SADDEST CALLER
James

BEST/MOST VIOLENT THREAT AGAINST TOM
too many for me to choose

[Martin]

I wish there would be a NEWBRIDGE CITIZEN OF THE YEAR award.

I'm also on the fence about whether to give James any more attention.

[Josh]

I'm pretty sure Julie's first call was the first show of '08 let's keep it within the rules guys.


- - - - - - -


BEST CALLER
Eddie
Laurie


WORST CALLER
Spike
Hesh
James
Fred from Queens


MOST PATHETIC CALLER
Jason from Guys with Feelings (Oct. 23) calling to start a podcast war to increase his listenership


MOST DELUSIONAL CALLER
Spike
Hesh
James


BEST GOMP
on Jesse Thorn, July 10
on Sean, April 17
on Paul from Nashville, Aug. 28


BEST GUEST
Patton Oswalt, July 10


BEST BEST SHOW RECAPPER
Omah!


ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
Martin in Edison
Bawwwwwwnie


SADDEST CALLER
Spike
Hesh
James

[Gagneaux]

Hmm....I'm starting to think that I'm the only listener who gets an odd kick out of Spike's calls. During the first show of the year, Tom says that he has a Supercaller online ready to kick things off right...THEN:

"FMU you're on the air"
"Hellooo Tooohm..."

That was hilarious to me.

[Shaggy 2 Grote]

Gagneaux, I love the Spike calls too.  He generates some of Tom's best material - the ankle bracelet?  One knife and one fork?  The doo-wop dungeon?  Hilarious.  As much as I love hearing Laurie's laugh, I vote for him for best caller.

[Omar]

Hmm....I'm starting to think that I'm the only listener who gets an odd kick out of Spike's calls. During the first show of the year, Tom says that he has a Supercaller online ready to kick things off right...THEN:

"FMU you're on the air"
"Hellooo Tooohm..."

That was hilarious to me.

Spike is very inconsistent and often gets stuck in the doo-wop/Chucky/Bush is the Village Idiot rut, but he's provided some great fodder for Tom over the years.  Some of their Abbott-and-Costello-y exchanges are undeniable classics.

The 9/5/06 show is the best example of this:

(re Spike's dining experiences during a trip to Philly)

Tom: What did you order there?
Spike: In both cases, seafood.
Tom: So Rotten Ralph’s, you had seafood.
Spike: Yeah, basically seafood and …
Tom: Like a fish fillet sandwich?
Spike: Excuse me?
Tom: Like a fish fillet.
Spike: Yeah, fish, well it wasn’t a sandwich, it was fish and vegetables ...
Tom: So you took it off the bun.
Spike: No, it didn’t come with a bun. What I had didn’t come with a bun.
Tom: You told them not to bring the bun.
Spike: No, it didn’t come with a bun.
Tom: ‘Cause you told them not to.
Spike: No.
Tom: That sounds like a pretty good waiter.
Spike: No, no. It didn’t come with a bun.
Tom: I would hope not. If you told them not to bring the bun, they didn’t bring it.
Spike: No, it wasn’t a sandwich.
Tom: Rotten Ralph’s.
Spike: It was a platter.
Tom: It was a platter?
Spike: Right, but it wasn’t a sandwich.

******


Spike: I always forget his name.
Tom: Ricky Gervais.
Spike: No, the American version of it.
Tom: Oh, okay, yeah, that guy is …
Spike: The 40-Year-Old Virgin, that guy.
Tom: Yeah, Stephen Colbert.
Spike: No. His name is Steve, but that’s not his last name.
Tom: Steve …
Spike: The 40-Year-Old Virgin, but you know who I mean.
Tom: Ah, Steve Richards.
Spike: No.
Tom: No?
Spike: Carol? Carell?
Tom: Carol Stevens?
Spike: No, not Cat Stevens.
Tom: I didn’t say Cat Stevens. I said Carroll Stevens.
Spike: Well, I never heard of her.
Tom: Him. Like Carroll O’Connor.
Spike: I’ve heard of Caroll O’Connor, but I never heard of Carroll …
Tom: He was not in Little Miss Sunshine, Spike. You are mistaken. Carroll O’Connor is in very poor health, and I’m sure could not have done that movie.
Spike: Carroll O’Connor’s deceased.
Tom: Wait, hold on. What?
Spike: Carroll O’Connor has been deceased for a number of years now.
Tom: Oh, good heavens. I didn’t realize. I send my condolences out to the rest of the O’Connor family.

[bruce]

Spike is not bad at all, sure when he started he was a bit of a douche. But now Spike seems to be resident of Newbridge.

I mean James is just pathetic in a massive way.

And that girl Julie is closing in real fast with some of her delusions of grandeur. Nothing worse then self important asses.

[buffcoat]

I also join in the Spike lov... not hatred.


Even if Abbott really doesn't know what Costello is doing, it's still funny.  And the cheap, thoughtless nicknames - "Jenny from the Bedroom?  Cmon." are worth the price of admission.

Plus the greatest nickname Tom's come up with yet - Droopy Zippermouth.

[dania]

BEST CALLER - Spike

MOST DELUSIONAL CALLER - Taco Stand Guy.  I can't remember his name, but he went on for how long?

BEST GOMP - Paul from Nashville. 

[masterofsparks]

Count me in the "fans of Spike" court. Someone else once pointed out that Spike really does bring out the best in Tom, and I couldn't agree more. He seems like a straight man that doesn't know he's a straight man, like Margaret Dumont from the Marx Brothers movies.

[Omar]

MOST DELUSIONAL CALLER - Taco Stand Guy.  I can't remember his name, but he went on for how long?

Good one.  It was Jeff Jensen.

[dania]

Another BEST GOMP nominee:  Stan, the history teacher, from Staten Island

Tom: Who would you tell to dial it down a notch?
Stan:  Well (blah blah blah) Muslims. 
T: Who?
S: Moslims..?  Cuz, y'know after the whole Sadaam Hussein thing and I was reading--
T: MUSlims, oh you're telling MUSlims to dial it down a notch. 
S: Yeah.  Yeah MOslims. 
T: ... Okay. 
S: So yeah, this whole Sadaam Hussein thing, and I was reading today that--
T: Oh, you mean that thing where they killed him? 
S: [Haughtily] Well YAH, what other thing?  Heh... But I was reading today that Moslims are boycotting Northwest Airlines because of racial profiling...
T: myeah..
S: --and I mean, come on guys, it's 2006-er, sorry it's 2007. 
T: [laughing] yes. 
S: But, I mean, wha- I mean come on and then they're upset because we assasinated Sadaam Hussein on a holiday.  You're right it's a holiday, (inaudible) come on (inaudible) so... you know, I mean come on Moslims!
T: I'm kinda losing sight of what you're gettin at here buddy. 
S: You get it?
T: This one's a little loose.  [Stan interrupting] You're a teacher?
S: That's why, uh I don't wanna -
T: I'm getting my red pen out on this call.  I'm gonna circle a few things. 
S: OK
T: Tighten it up!  Just imagine this, you're getting this call handed back to you. 
S: [Innocently] Whatd'you mean?
T: It could be shorter.  Tighten it up.  What's the point?  [Stan interrupting again] GET OFF MY PHONE!!!  Now that's written in RED INK on the top of the paper "GET OFF MY FON" spelled with an 'F' because that's what you get on that call.  An 'F'. 

[Stupornaut]

Spike's voice really, really grates on me (has anyone looked into the possibility that he has a big wad of tobaccy in his cheek?), but I have to agree with the whole "honorary Newbridgeite"/world's creepiest straight man sentiment. His recent habit of hanging up on Tom before he can get GOMPed is pretty funny, too. At least he doesn't revel in being a stupid gimmick.

My awards choices are in general agreement with everyone else's, and I could really go any way on them (we listen to the Best Show = we are all winners), but I really gotta stump for the Rope-A-Dope against Hesh from 5/8 as Best GOMP.

[Omar]

Saddest Caller/Moment:

"I don't have any friends. Come on! I'm Hesh! I'm like a 4' 5" midget doing a dance thing or whatever." -- Hesh on his Heshiness, 7/17/07

He had also just admitted to becoming an alcoholic since he started calling the show.

[masterofsparks]

Another BEST GOMP nominee:  Stan, the history teacher, from Staten Island

Tom: Who would you tell to dial it down a notch?
Stan:  Well (blah blah blah) Muslims. 
T: Who?
S: Moslims..?  Cuz, y'know after the whole Sadaam Hussein thing and I was reading--
T: MUSlims, oh you're telling MUSlims to dial it down a notch. 
S: Yeah.  Yeah MOslims. 
T: ... Okay. 
S: So yeah, this whole Sadaam Hussein thing, and I was reading today that--
T: Oh, you mean that thing where they killed him? 
S: [Haughtily] Well YAH, what other thing?  Heh... But I was reading today that Moslims are boycotting Northwest Airlines because of racial profiling...
T: myeah..
S: --and I mean, come on guys, it's 2006-er, sorry it's 2007. 
T: [laughing] yes. 
S: But, I mean, wha- I mean come on and then they're upset because we assasinated Sadaam Hussein on a holiday.  You're right it's a holiday, (inaudible) come on (inaudible) so... you know, I mean come on Moslims!
T: I'm kinda losing sight of what you're gettin at here buddy. 
S: You get it?
T: This one's a little loose.  [Stan interrupting] You're a teacher?
S: That's why, uh I don't wanna -
T: I'm getting my red pen out on this call.  I'm gonna circle a few things. 
S: OK
T: Tighten it up!  Just imagine this, you're getting this call handed back to you. 
S: [Innocently] Whatd'you mean?
T: It could be shorter.  Tighten it up.  What's the point?  [Stan interrupting again] GET OFF MY PHONE!!!  Now that's written in RED INK on the top of the paper "GET OFF MY FON" spelled with an 'F' because that's what you get on that call.  An 'F'. 

Do you have the date for this call, girlorwoman?