Now You're An Ex-Friend! (and a Ghost!)

[John Junk]

Hey, anyone else have stories of turning points where you realize you can't be friends with someone anymore?  Or the attempts to pretend that you like someone you don't like will never be successful?

I just thought of one: A while back I was talking with some friends and acquaintances about how at my art-school job there were people coming onto campus into the art studios and selling stuff like ketamine(sp?) to the undergrads.  Obviously I framed this as a negative thing.  But then this coked up hipster trust-fund dude from Saudi Arabia by-way-of-Germany that's bros with one of my best friends starts in on some weird rant about trailer trash and how some people are so stupid they need to be filtered out, whether it be by drugs or whatever.  I F-ing blew my stack and basically called this guy a nazi and stormed out of the house. 

For some reason I apologized to him later, but it's one of those things where we were both like "Yeah, look, I don't hate you, but I really don't like you.  Let's not try to be friends."  Sort of civil and mutual-like.

Anybody?  Too negative?

Maybe I should rename this thread "You're a Ghost!"

**P.S.--Guess this belongs in "General Discussion".  Sawry!

[masterofsparks]

"You're a ghost" would only work if you were carrying a sound-effects board around with you. Not that I think it's such a bad idea. It work make work telephone conversations hi-larious.

[Phantom Hugger]

When I first moved to Los Angeles it was predictably lonely, after a while I made some friends at work and we started hanging out. Nice.
I move away from LA and a few years later this friend moves to where I was living (British Columbia) to work on the same production that I was on. I helped them find a place and settle into a new area comfortably.
It turned out that in the intervening years, they had become a born again Christian and spent most of the time at some camp where they must've taught you conversion strategies; one day we were having lunch and they made their move. I won't go into too many details but the reddest flag of all was when Sodom and Gomorrah and the End Times were equated with cultural acceptance of homosexuality and the approaching millennium. It was like the bullet proof glass sliding up at a bank robbery. I excused myself, paid the bill and left.

Now they're a holy ghost.

[JonFromMaplewood]

I had a very dear friend throughout college and into our mid-20's.  Then she tried to sue Starbucks because the coffee was too hot.

To quote the people who work at the blackjack tables in Atlantic City: "Next dealer."

[ben]

friends?  you're FOT's!  you don't have any friends.  aside from the one true friend.  tom

[boil]

A long time best friend asked me to perform something--anything--at his non-traditional wedding, which I did.  He specified that the act need not be appropriate for a wedding.  I complied, and delivered an act that got a lot of laughs, and thanks from stangers aftwards.  My friend laughed like a donkey throughout.  I thought it was a big success.  But later he blamed me for not only ruining his wedding, but almost ruining his marriage.
And now he is A GHOST!  Am I too sensitive?

[Joe Don from Astoria]

It could have been the dog costume.  And your over-attention to the bride's leg.

[folksnake]

For some reason I apologized to him later

Because you're a good person, and better than him

Anybody?  Too negative?

No!

[Pat K]

"You're a ghost" would only work if you were carrying a sound-effects board around with you.

Or if you, you know, killed the person. But hopefully it rarely comes to that.

[JonFromMaplewood]

...later he blamed me for not only ruining his wedding, but almost ruining his marriage.

You MUST tell us/me more.  I am dying to know what you did that would lead to such an unexpected and dramatic turn.

[Joe Don from Astoria]

...later he blamed me for not only ruining his wedding, but almost ruining his marriage.

You MUST tell us/me more.  I am dying to know what you did that would lead to such an unexpected and dramatic turn.

You've never heard the story of the Third Wheel Legend?

[erika]

I had a turning point where my friendship with someone changed drastically.

When I first started my job in 06, I was single... so I was SO happy when I became friends with a girl I worked with who was also single, had a nice sarcastic sense of humor, and lived right around the corner from me. She very quickly became my "wing-man" and we would go out together all the time. We were like BFF in a matter of months, and since I don't have many female friends (and none that are single) it was so nice to have another single girl to go out with. We got along smashingly.

You could say that this girl is a bit of a drinker, and definitely a huge flirt in the most obvious way. Luckily for me, we liked very different sorts of guys. She would go for the guys who were what I would call "slick" and professional - wearing suits to work, going on dates in very expensive steakhouses, etc. Basically no signs of the geekery that I find so charming.

One night we were out at a local Tavern and she was drunk and flirting with a few guys. I had started talking to one guy who seemed JUST my type: smart, a little bookish, and a complete internet nerd. My friend had seen him when he walked in and literally turned her nose up at him. (she had a habit of sizing up every guy that passed her by)

So this guy and I are having a conversation for about a half hour, when my friend comes over and LITERALLY elbows me out of the way. She fucking shoved me. So she could get in his face and start flirting with him. I was completely astonished. My female friends have never been the man-eating type... they're pretty mellow and always put their girl friends first over guys. It was the only time in my life when I had the urge to punch someone in the face.

Instead, I sat on a bar stool and watched her do her thing. She was loud, crass, and in a matter of minutes (maybe 20) was making out with him in the middle of the bar. At one point she made eye contact with me in this completely evil "I won" sort of way.

From that point forward, I was still friendly with her at work, but we never went out for another night on the town. Fuck that shit.

[folksnake]

At one point she made eye contact with me in this completely evil "I won" sort of way.

Ooh, this line gives me chills. It's such a "reality TV" move that I expect it to be absent in real life, as in "people don't really act that way, do they?". It's so depressing that they can, and do. It just seems so...fucking stupid, I guess.

Take alcohol out of the equation--what happens then, I wonder?

[John Junk]

From that point forward, I was still friendly with her at work, but we never went out for another night on the town I've also been constructing an elaborate scheme to get her fired involving illegal porn and mail fraud.

fixed!

[Kibblesmith]

This one's my favorite:

I had a very dear friend throughout college and into our mid-20's.  Then she tried to sue Starbucks because the coffee was too hot.

I was literally JUST thinking about this phenomenon, seconds before finding this thread. That gives you an idea of how haunted I am by it.  I usually have clunky, drawn out falling outs with people, assume I'm the one being anti-social and feel like a heel for years after.

That being said, I've also done it to save my psychological skin from prolonged contact with some real sleeper-cell weirdos.

One guy was nice, but had some obvious issues (black trench coat, swords, etc). I remember my initial doubts emerged when he came over to watch half of the Oscars ceremony with my young, teen siblings, and when I made it quite clear that I was leaving to watch the rest at my girlfriend's house, he failed to make it equally clear he intended to stay in my house with them (and without me) until the show ended around midnight. Utterly harmless on paper, but utterly weird in practice.

That event was kind of a microcosm of all my reactions to his behavior, but like I said, I still feel like a heel. He just seemed like a lonely dude who thought my family was fun, and didn't think it was a big deal. Still, "friend of the family" is kind of a gradually earned position, you don't just show up in your best suit on opening day.