Awesomely corny expressions

[mokin]

I was reading this thread and some of the expressions that people mentioned actually seemed pretty awesome, albeit in a corny or weird way. Specifically I'm thinking of stuff like "this must be where god left his pants," or "Good night nurse!"

I'm collecting phrases like these because I need stuff to say to embarrass and befuddle my newborn son when he gets older, so if you can thing of any, please share.

Also any interesting substitutions for cursing.

Or any phrases that sound antiquated.

Anyway, to start us off:

Calling people "crumb-bum" or "turkey"

[Sarah]

Good to know you've got the right attitude toward parenting, mokin.  Specifically, fathering (mothers don't seem to enjoy embarrassing their children quite as much--not till they leave the nest, anyway).

[iAmBaronVonTito]

thats because mothers prefer psychological trauma

[andrew in philadelphia]

a flipside to that might also be to work those phrases from days of yore into your kid's vocabulary. it can backfire though - my daughter runs around the house ALL DAY screaming "no dice!" (a la charles bronson) and "people!" (as in: where i told her soylent green comes from.)

where god left his pants might be the best in my arsenal, but my buddy's' father had a good one. his neighbor had a ton of kids in their family, plus several dozen cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. always hanging around the house. i guess being in such close proximity all the activity annoyed him, so he'd always say: "you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a smith (not their last name, but you get the idea.)"

[samir]

"wowzers"

[emma]

"wowzers"

Samir, I must respectfully disagree. Anyone who says this around or to me can expect a badass roundhouse kick to the face - I have a yellow belt in tae kwon do that i got from the YMCA when I was 11, and I swore only to use the skills I learned there on people who say this or "ROFL" out loud.

I was a cranky 11 year old, as you can imagine.

[jbissell]

my daughter runs around the house ALL DAY screaming "no dice!" (a la charles bronson) and "people!" (as in: where i told her soylent green comes from.)

I am requesting video of this, as it will most likely make my month.

[Sarah]

thats because mothers prefer psychological trauma

What?  Saying "stuff to say to embarrass and befuddle my newborn son when he gets older" doesn't constitute psychological trauma?

[joanna]

thats because mothers prefer psychological trauma

What?  Saying "stuff to say to embarrass and befuddle my newborn son when he gets older" doesn't constitute psychological trauma?

no way. it's a parent's privilege.

personally, i hope that we will refer to hopelessly out of date celebrities and musicians as if they're still current and relevent. like how my dad latched onto huey lewis at the zenith of his career and continued to bring him up well into the late 90s, asking if every musician on the radio were huey lewis and saying things like, "you're always playing your huey lewis records too loudly!" which was doubly embarrassing because he also said "records."

[John Junk 2.0]

I second that!  That's an awesome dad thing to do.  My dad took a shine to They Might Be Giants and "Particle Man" as well as "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. and still brings it up 15 years later.  Like, "you always liked offbeat stuff, like They Might Be Giants singing that song 'Particle Man', or that 'Losing My Religion' song!"

When I teach high school or younger college kids I really enjoy pretending they all love The Killers and The White Stripes.  It's awesome because at least the White STripes are enough of a cool band, but so big that they're not actually cool, so you run the whole gamut.  You can really make an art kid cringe asking him if he likes The Killers.  I also like to ask the art/noise/metal kids if they're into Matisyahu.  This is because I used to T.A. for a guy who would play Matisyahu all the time in his class cause his son liked it.  There would usually be like three mallrat girls who thought it was genius and the rest of the class would be in pain, all for different reasons I'm sure.

[dania]

Substitutes for swearing that sound old-timey:

Oh, fiddlesticks! 

Heavens to Betsy! 

Criminey!

Leaping lizards!

[Regular Joe]

I like a good "gosh" and a "golly" now and then.

[John Junk 2.0]

Gee Willickers.

[noise.light]

I like to refer to people as "Jamoke" when they do something silly.

[dave from knoxville]

I love it when baseball announcers say "Can of corn" to accompany routine pop-ups to the outfield.

Too literal?