Baltimore: I got mugged with three other guys there once and then one of those same guys I got mugged with got pistol wipped outside of a bar like 4 months later. My friends had an art opening at the old H. Lewis Gallery in Bolton Hill which went on past 9 o'clock and a bunch of guys who had just held up the local Superfresh with sawed off shotguns saw the little arty party and decided to hold up the entire gallery and steal everyone's wallets and jewelry--like 20 people. So many other stories, too fucked up to mention. Still, I actually love that city.
I'm a part-time Baltimorean. I live outside of Seattle, but my wife and three kids reside in the Pigtown area. I'm flying back in June to slash-and-burn a bunch of accumulated garbage prior to us (a) selling the house and (b) moving everybody out here.
Baltimore is an awesome city if you don't have children. Or if you have children and are insanely rich. Some impressions after living there for two years:
* The most beautiful areas of the city (architecturally speaking) have been run over by crackheads. Step out of your car in Druid Hill or Mount Vernon to check out a pretty mansion and you might as well announce your presence with a blowhorn.
* Sitting with my kids in the minivan having just rented a handful of videos from MovieTime and having to explain to them why 14 wasted fratboys were punching each other out in the middle of the intersection (even as the lone policeman arrived and was running toward them).
* Going to the Walters Museum for the free-Sunday child art activities. Lots of fun.
* Being able to turn off my television set and FEEL the roar of the crowd at Orioles Stadium.
* Sitting on the stoop on July 4th evening with the kids watching shirtless teenagers popping wheelies on motorcross-style bikes (not scooters, actual motorcycles) down on street. And then later, transforming the intersection into an Apocalypse Now pyrotechnics display of M80s tossed into boxes of burning newspaper. No cops to be seen.
* Walking by the Babe Ruth Museum on my way to work.
* Getting to know the old men who patrol the blocks I pass through.
* Going out for some grease at lunchtime and seeing Bruce Willis, Nicole Kidman, et.al. filming movies in film-friendly Baltimore. Although that Hairspray thing was kind of weird.
Oh yes, almost forgot the last straw. A couple of weeks ago the owner of the house next to us (he had just bought it and was renovating it for his two daughters to live in), came home at 10:30 and was greeted by two young thugs on his stoop. They shot him* three times at close range: grazed the skull, hit the leg and hit the stomach. My wife had just come home about a half an hour earlier with our three kids, one of whom I'm sure was asleep at that hour, transferred them from their car to their beds and hit the hay herself, falling right to sleep (which is unusual for her). I get a little anxious thinking what might have happened had she been awake and opened the door to hear what the ruckus was about.
*He's alive, thank goodness.
