WHO SHOULD BE MAYOR OF NEWBRIDGE? VOTE HERE!

[Julie]

Spoony, please, tell me about Bob.

[Spoony]

I'm glad you asked Julie.

Bob is a freedom-loving resident Newbridge who, like yourself, is a dog-owner. He is attentive to the needs of his dog, Rollins Band, who he bought as a puppy in the early 90's. Every one of his calls is interrupted to look after Rollins Band. Sometimes twice. Bob's aspirations to *help* the Best Show is always tempered by his love of the little guy, Rollins Band.

By contributing the The Best Show in a manner that he feels would benefit the listener, Bob has his eye on the citizen's livelihood. His ability to use cassette's to accent and boost his speeches make him the statesmen the Newbridge so badly needs. That's preparation. That's leadership. That's multi-media art! Just imagine the employment opportunities for speechwriters that he can provide Newbridge with.

Bob is the catalyst that will make Newbridge the Capitol of Hilarity that you and your pets deserve, Julie.

Join me. Join Bob.

Spoony

[Richard_From_CHI]

I've heard Philly Boy Roy kicks puppies and that AP Mike donates 75% of his salary to the Humane Society.

[Julie]

I'm glad you asked Julie.

Bob is a freedom-loving resident Newbridge who, like yourself, is a dog-owner. He is attentive to the needs of his dog, Rollins Band, who he bought as a puppy in the early 90's. Every one of his calls is interrupted to look after Rollins Band. Sometimes twice. Bob's aspirations to *help* the Best Show is always tempered by his love of the little guy, Rollins Band.

By contributing the The Best Show in a manner that he feels would benefit the listener, Bob has his eye on the citizen's livelihood. His ability to use cassette's to accent and boost his speeches make him the statesmen the Newbridge so badly needs. That's preparation. That's leadership. That's multi-media art! Just imagine the employment opportunities for speechwriters that he can provide Newbridge with.

Bob is the catalyst that will make Newbridge the Capitol of Hilarity that you and your pets deserve, Julie.

Join me. Join Bob.

Spoony

Dearest Spooniest Spoony,

I didn't even read all of those words you wrote. I'm sure you understand that I didn't have time. The demands of having a job and, more importantly, having a dog, Yetta, who was once a puppy just like Rollins Band was once a puppy, make it impossible for me to spend more than 15 seconds reading any post that isn't about me. However, the very little bit about Bob that I did read has convinced me that Bob is certainly the candidate for me. Why, just imagine how much stronger my feelings would be if only I were to take the time to read all of that stuff you wrote about Bob! I'm sorry that I haven't asked about Bob sooner, as I might not have wasted so many votes on the call screener. However, and I'm sure you will agree, better late than never. Or maybe you will be so pissed that I wasn't soon enough. Well, I don't have time to think about stupid things like that. Rollins Band Bob has all of my support.

[Pat K]

If Philly wins I'm gonna be so mad. I hate that guy.

[Richard_From_CHI]

If Philly wins I'm gonna be so mad. I hate that guy.

Amen. All good citizens of Newbridge and related supporters must rise up against the foul stench of hoagies invading our airspace.

[Ralph Goldenmouth]

As a former Jersey skunk who has finally wised up and moved to paradise, I had to go with PBR.

[Pat K]

As a former Jersey skunk who has finally wised up and moved to paradise, I had to go with PBR.

"Ralph Goldenmouth"? More like Ralph Toiletmouth, if you ask me.



What? You didn't? Oh. Carry on, then.

[daveB from Oakland]

Dearest Spooniest Spoony,

I didn't even read all of those words you wrote. I'm sure you understand that I didn't have time ...

It's true, Spoon-man. Your Bob testimonials have a lot of words in them. Here's what I suggest:

1. Read your testimonials aloud and record them on cassette tape.

2. Send copies of that tape to everyone on this board*. I'm a throwback who has a cassette deck in his car, so I could listen to the good news about Bob while I'm commuting.

3. If that cassette tape should also contains snippets of REO Speedwagon Live in Hamburg 1982 , well then I, for one, shall not complain.

4. Rollins Band for President! President of Dogs!

_{*And also, mass-mail a bunch of  tapes to the citizens of Newbridge.}

[Spoony]

However, and I'm sure you will agree, better late than never. Or maybe you will be so pissed that I wasn't soon enough. Well, I don't have time to think about stupid things like that. Rollins Band Bob has all of my support.

I couldn't have said it better, Julie. Better late than never. I'm just happy to have you on board. I'm sure that if Bob was here, instead of rescuing animals and healing injured swans, he'd thank you.

DaveB, just think, with Bob as our Mayor, cassettes will rain down from the skies, and marathons will end with ribbon tape stretched across Muffler Row. Glorious!

C

[Julie]

4. Rollins Band for President! President of Dogs!

daveB from Oakland, you are a genius! Obviously you are a little misguided because you aren't considering the inbreeding kind of thing that happens when entire families become politicians. I forgive you for thinking Rollins Band is more qualified than Yetta, who promises a squirrel, a mole, and half a mangled snake in every pot. Dogs would be allowed to go everywhere. And obedience school would be free! And no more cars so average dogs don't need leashes to keep them safe! Except there will be special cars made out of cushions so dogs can still go for a ride and see kitty dog squirrel red dot! And bubble machines on every corner!

I couldn't have said it better, Julie. Better late than never. I'm just happy to have you on board. I'm sure that if Bob was here, instead of rescuing animals and healing injured swans, he'd thank you.

I regret my vote for Bob. Although he is certainly for the dogs, daveB has a much more inspired agenda. I do not trust Bob to follow through with a comprehensive dog agenda and he'll probably just start pandering to dogs with macho names.

And obviously you have never been attacked by a swan during their mating season. I respect a swan's right to mate and have a nest, but I draw the line at being chased half a mile by a biting swan for walking past its pond. Maybe Bob would be smarter to spend his time educating Swans about the importance of fences and "Do Not Disturb" signs. I'm sure whatever injuries those swans have were well deserved lessons. And what are they going to think if he just goes out and heals them? They are going to keep attacking nice people and will never bother putting up signs! Why should they? Bob will just heal them if they suffer any injury, which I'm sure won't be as severe as the scrapes and bruises I suffered.

[andrew in philadelphia]

If Philly wins I'm gonna be so mad. I hate that guy.

Amen. All good citizens of Newbridge and related supporters must rise up against the foul stench of hoagies invading our airspace.

..

boo! to both of youse. the air in newbridge could use a little hoagieing up.

[Patrick]

If Philly wins I'm gonna be so happy. I love that guy.

fixed!

[Richard_From_CHI]

PBR must be stopped. All proud residents of Newbridge (and related supporters) must rise up and cast off the Philly oppressor.

Do you really want to have to listen to nem Hooters 24/7 blared over the emergency siren system. It'll happen if he wins.

Imagine, the dead of night and suddenly

She was a bebop baby on a hard day's night
She was hanging on Johnny, he was holding on tight
Well I could feel her coming from a mile away
There was no use talking, there was nothing to say
When the band began to play and play

And we danced
Like a wave on the ocean, romanced
We were liars in love and we danced
Swept away for a moment by chance
And we danced and danced and danced

I'm with my bebop baby at the union hall
She could dance all night and shake the paint off the walls
When I saw her smile across the crowded room
Well I knew we'd have to leave the party soon
As the band began to play out of tune

And we danced...

The endless beat
She's walking my way
Hear the music fade when she says
Are we getting too close?
Do we dare to get closer?
The room is spinning and she whispers my name

And we danced...

And we danced...

[Tedstud]

Vote Hammerhead.  These pits stink!  The underdog must win.