Now, I can go the diplomatic route, and say that, in essence, we are having a disagreement over whether names are important or not. I say they are. Most of you say they're not. I say there's a potential for communications breakdown when names are not respected and respectable. Most of you think that view is obsolete, if not alarmist and reactionary. If I was to be civil about all this, I would say we'll simply have to agree to disagree, if you would allow it.
I have conceded that purposely confusing novelty spellings, brand names, non sequiturs, unpronounceable symbols, pop culture allusions, and generally anything never used before can and should be jammed into a name, but only on the condition that it is done aggressively and on a much wider scale, so as to hasten the onset of the inevitable future. For the most part, you have steadfastly refused this suggestion, which leaves me truly mystified. All tradition is garbage, right? Why... why aren't we... um... leaving it behind even faster? Change, you know? Like, get with the times, people!
But, yes, if I wanted to be diplomatic, I could invite, say, Regular Joe to offer his thoughts on the topic of what a person's options are when their naming tradition has been effectively erased, because that is a godforsaken tragedy that I truly would not wish upon even my enemies. I shouldn't even have to say that, but some of you think me willfully and happily blind to those circumstances.
But, see, now... I don't want to be diplomatic. Not anymore. Not in this case. I would really rather be a genuine, unrepentant asshole than a fake-ass nice guy, because you are selling nice at gunpoint, and I ain't buyin'.
Most of you, you're acting like some kind of Decency Mafia. If it was up to you, being an asshole would be flat-out illegal. It wouldn't just be unfashionable to genuinely enjoy Rotten.com, and Florence King's "With Charity Toward None: A Fond Look At Misanthropy," and Schopenhauer, and Boyd Rice, and Ambrose Bierce, and Ty Cobb, and The Exile... no, if you had your way, there would be legal repercussions for getting your kicks from them folks. I hope that you, all of you who have your tits in a twist over this whole business, I hope that you get stuck on an elevator with Doug Stanhope, Mark Ames, and Jim Goad at their most grizzled and bellicose, just so that you can die of distaste.
Having been an insufferable jagoff who needled complete strangers over trivial matters has been fun, especially when people lost their stoicism and their ability to play along with the absurdity of it all. People like that don't *deserve* diplomacy. They deserve schadenfreude!
