FOT Forum
FOT Community => General Discussion => Topic started by: erika on November 24, 2008, 04:03:10 PM
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"Nico just dropped a massive deuce in Herc's box and I don't know that he's all that happy about it."
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"If it isn't a Holocaust drama, not interested"
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I have not yet spoken today, and this is the first sentence that I've typed.
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"At least I know why they call it "Moisttown" now."
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" Are you going to Family Guy Sings at Carnegie Hall tonight?"
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"In the future, television will only have two channels: one called Murder and the other called Fucking".
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"In the future, television will only have two channels: one called Murder and the other called Fucking".
i'll take this.
"You should take a bath. Seriously, that’s a guy."
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"I watched U2 suck in three dimensions tonight."
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For me it's probably this; I apologize in advance.
"Staff and administration would have the faint consolation of a week off; faculty would get nothing but a smaller paycheck. "
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"It's like you've never seriously thought about taking a sperm bank for all it was worth before!"
(chat, thankfully, so no one overheard it)
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I managed to overcome this cursed disease through the power of prayer, eating raw foods and a strict excercise regime (Yoga, star jumps and power lifting).
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"Those dumbköpfs [sic] called me back and said they are closing early Wednesday and asked if you could drop the chair off next week. I told them to screw off – using nicer words."
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"You're all missing the obvious symbolic connection between Axl's huge bandana and Jesus' crown of thorns."
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i wish i knew Wes in real life.
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"He's like the Peter Sellers of McDonald's commercials."
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"Talk to you later guys. I gotta go frolic in a meadow..."
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This happened yesterday, but I got out of my car downtown shouting "It's called ALLEGORY, stupid!" at my passenger.
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To a group of 12-year-olds: "The shoulders are the pelvis of the upper body."
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"Apparently we had another case of someone putting a fake engagement notice in the paper."
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"That shop is fully of Sallys"
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"Yeah, that's the auditorium where I got booed by eighteen hundred RENT fans"
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"I hope you're not too fond of your hair color because at the end of this tale it will be bone white!"
(with apologies to PFT)
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This just happened. A call was transferred to me from reception. A guy needed a web site...
ME: Hello, this is Patrick.
CALLER (Voice of an man in his 60's with a bit of a southern drawl):Hi there. My name is Jim _____.
(long pause)
ME: Um. Hello, Jim. What can I do for you?
CALLER: Yeah you do web sites, right?
ME: Yes we do.
CALLER: Well I am thinking of getting a computer here soon and was wondering what it would take to get a web site set up and running.
ME: Well, Jim, what kind of web site did you have in mind?
CALLER: Nude.
(VERY long pause.)
It went downhill from there...
That's it. I'm going home early...
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"Show me your penis"
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"he is too casual for a company that is jumping through its asshole to stay afloat"
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That made me laugh.
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"They didn't even play it! It's more like, 'Never Gonna Give You My Money Again'..."
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that's more than one sentence.
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"They didn't even play it! It's more like, 'Never Gonna Give You My Money Again'..."
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"I'm going to go over to 14 West and shank a programmer."
This will be even better when I actually go over there and do it. I think I'll use something dull.
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"We're going to have to upholster a jockstrap, probably."
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"We're going to have to upholster a jockstrap, probably."
I must know the context. Are you the next Marcel Duchamp?
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"We're going to have to upholster a jockstrap, probably."
I must know the context. Are you the next Marcel Duchamp?
Yes, but this was because I got enlisted to do costumes for the school play.
Everyone taking drama has to do something, so I figured I should pick an area I can excel in, you know?
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"The fact that he "no bid" project 4 means that he either has to do the work for no cost or walk and forfeit his bond."
my life is so exciting/interesting.
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"Abel Ferrara is the best, and the worst, guy to direct a documentary about the Chelsea Hotel."
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"It's simple: cheaper robot hands mean fewer serial killer hand murders."
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"If by 'pleaser' you mean 'perplexer' than yes, "The Elaine" was a crowd pleaser."
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"what if I found a head?"
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"I wasn't implying anything. You inferred my ass."
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"Stupid matte-box man keeps flaking on me - will try again Monday."
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"Is it still a porn hotel?"
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I was fixing the well pump at my mother's house today. She asked me if I wanted her to call her neighbor Dave to help. When I didn't recognize the name she says, "you know, the guy who drinks a lot and collects arrowheads."
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"It's 8:45 a.m. and by the time she brings us our drinks it'll be 9 a.m. That's late enough."
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"So is Pomegranate Man's archnemesis the Bean Salad Thing, or are they secretly working together?"
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"I'm sorry that the Tivo on your boat can only record one show at a time."
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"Not to mention, I am circumstantially claustrophobic."
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"it was a non-racist massacre"
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"it was a non-racist massacre"
That's a great one.
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"I did not measure its circumference in comparison to vegetables!"
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"It's basically Aristotle...with tits."
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Any possibility the girls with the bows in their hair were
referring to the filmmaker, not the violent mob action?
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"It's India's 9-11"
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"We're all in agreement that the Doobie Brothers were the band best equipped to survive on a starship, right?"
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"Yes, I did actually watch the Kid Rock VH1 Storytellers last night."
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"We're all in agreement that the Doobie Brothers were the band best equipped to survive on a starship, right?"
Where on earth would you find a group of people who would agree with that? CLEARLY UNTRUE.
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"We're all in agreement that the Doobie Brothers were the band best equipped to survive on a starship, right?"
Where on earth would you find a group of people who would agree with that? CLEARLY UNTRUE.
I concur, Emma. Did the Doobies ever release an album about space travel? I think not.
Canucks in space!
[youtube]mY9NVFhZlkg[/youtube]
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"We're all in agreement that the Doobie Brothers were the band best equipped to survive on a starship, right?"
Where on earth would you find a group of people who would agree with that? CLEARLY UNTRUE.
I concur, Emma. Did the Doobies ever release an album about space travel? I think not.
Canucks in space!
[youtube]mY9NVFhZlkg[/youtube]
Recording an album about space travel is hardly the same thing as being equipped to successfully travel in space. You want to listen to some songs about spaceships, there are plenty of bands who can help you out. But if you want a band to successfully crew and pilot your spaceship, the Doobies would deliver.
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What a fool believes, Wes. What a fool believes.
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"Balls. Goddamn monkeys!"
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"I annotated, tabbed and highlighted the shit out of my statutes book"
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Recording an album about space travel is hardly the same thing as being equipped to successfully travel in space. You want to listen to some songs about spaceships, there are plenty of bands who can help you out. But if you want a band to successfully crew and pilot your spaceship, the Doobies would deliver.
I don't know. The Silver Apples look pretty at home in front of a control panel:
(http://www.dustygroove.com/images/products/s/silverapple_contact~~_101b.jpg)
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I don't think I'd trust Simeon to drive a golf cart, much less a spaceship.
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'I Have Known Love' is a great song though.
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(http://img33.picoodle.com/img/img33/3/12/2/f_vonlmom_9965212.gif)
Von Lmo has some experience in space also.
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'I Have Known Love' is a great song though.
No doubt. They have a bunch of great songs.
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Not said by me, but so great I have to share:
"That hobo needs food not guidos!"
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"I forget, did someone eat his brain or did he eat his own?"
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"As long as it's huge, pointy and above his hairline it shouldn't matter."
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"Michael Jordan's hand is not an octagon."
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"I think I thrive on being a stress-puppy. So this is all good news."
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" I swear Michael McDonald does background vocals on this song."
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"You're all going to feel pretty stupid when I prove that homeless guy isn't really homeless."
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"I can't imagine giving birth to a centaur"
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That's just as weird IN context.
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"Zach Galifianakis is going to be on The Best Show tonight!"
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To date I have received no demo/replacement info from you, which means that nothing will be included in any of the affected scopes and OCE will be responsible per the selective demo spec that was included in the bid package.
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To date I have received no demo/replacement info from you, which means that nothing will be included in any of the affected scopes and OCE will be responsible per the selective demo spec that was included in the bid package.
Wow. You are Serious Cat.
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I can haz demo spec?
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I'm going to fuck the shit out of this guy (figuratively, not literally.) I told him not to bid my jobs any more because he did so poorly on the last one. It's public work so I can't legally throw his bid out without a TON of red tape. He promised me this job would be different and he hasn't even made it 5 days without fucking up.
I'm not a yeller, but I've screamed at this guy to the point of embarassing myself in the past. He's a lying sack of shit.
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I'm going to fuck the shit out of this guy (figuratively, not literally.) I told him not to bid my jobs any more because he did so poorly on the last one. It's public work so I can't legally throw his bid out without a TON of red tape. He promised me this job would be different and he hasn't even made it 5 days without fucking up.
I'm not a yeller, but I've screamed at this guy to the point of embarassing myself in the past. He's a lying sack of shit.
Wow. Sounds like a Class A yutzknuckle. I am really sorry. I am also not the yelling type, so when I do it, I feel really weird about it.
I wish I could give advice, but I know nothing about the bidding process.
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there's nothing to be done but deal with him and try to mitigate the damage he can do to the overall success of the job for our client. In the end, I get paid to deal with idiots like this, so it's not like it's a surprise.
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Not mine but pretty great
you may think yer smart because i had to google that word, but the fact is that you are using words to cover up a hole in yourself that is in the shape of another man's penis
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"it costs $211 to rent a tux by tomorrow."
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Not mine but pretty great
you may think yer smart because i had to google that word, but the fact is that you are using words to cover up a hole in yourself that is in the shape of another man's penis your fear of homosexuality
Fixed.
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This looks like a Christmas pot pourri. And tastes like it.
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"You're twistin' my melon, man."
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"You're not gonna be a male model so why not just enjoy some fucking toast?"
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I said this just now:
This Diwali, get ready for a barking-good time!
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"Gordon! nice decorations, pal...don't fall from that ladder."
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"What if his business actually card said that, "Ass of Titanium" ?"
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"well, have fun at your bbq lunch today. enjoy your MEAT. (that means penis)"
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What's your preference: bathroom or not?
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"I think we're going to make this an all-clown network."
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Email to dad: "I just got a turquoise LL Bean fleece jacket with my company's logo on it. Some Christmas bonus, huh."
Dad's response: "You won't have any trouble not getting laid with that."
My dad's a funny old man.
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What's your preference: bathroom or not?
said to children or adults?
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What's your preference: bathroom or not?
said to children or adults?
adults. I'm ordering a jobsite trailer for one of my jobs and it can either have a meeting room that's big enough for our meetings or it can have a bathroom (we're in an existing facility that is going to let us use their facilities, but it would be a walk to get to the restroom and since I'm not going to be out there I didn't want to just say "screw it, they can walk to the bathroom")
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Said by me: "I should have asked him for a reference before he died."
Extra sentence for Friday! Email today from Netflix. Subject line: ""How was the Picture Quality of "Scooby-Doo in Where's My Mummy??""
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"hey Ronnie, are you going to let me turn in PBIP on SoonerVision or are you going to be a dick about it?"
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Ronnie's the VP of the company.
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"Your dad bought a hospital?"
(It was true too.)
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"I think it sounds fine. Maybe take some off the high end and let the toms ring."
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Most of the music is really bad and a lot of people there wear big floppy hats and I don’t understand why.
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I think they've taken HEY, MR. PERVERT off the air.
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Cusses the likes of which Howie Mandel has never heard.
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I give "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" an "A."
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"it would be really funny if all the other channels looked like crap now"
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"I'm picturing the whole thing happening in Stalin's inner sanctum, with flourishes of music."
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"I love you. You make a good Crunk."
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that's 2 sentences. pick one to throw out or be disqualified.
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But they're made by elves -- elves don't have salmonella!
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fine, i'll close the curtain.
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Dylan went electric so will.I.am went holographic.
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How are you going to get one hundred sandwiches on your bike?
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I'm going to go home and cry. Tears of... shame.
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more like, hillbilly wedding.
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"yeah its like a beanie baby that loves you back."
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There are few things more shame-inducing than accidentally spilling a cold beverage on a homeless person.
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"I should probably apologize to the friends and family of The Big Bopper for that whole 'Day The Music Dieted' thing."
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"... last pants chower drive."
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"Forget what I said about zapping sausage man."
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Taken completely IN context and said to me by a colleague was getting off the elevator; highlight of my day.
"Okay, now I have to go walk past a giant piece of cake"
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It's your call, but i see no benefit to "the good seats" at a monster truck rally.
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Rocket farts are nothing to fuck with.
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I was just speaking in generalogies.
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"This new Goblin Cock is pretty good!"
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"...that little guy deserves his own breakfast cereal that tastes like Rohyphnol and HGH."
Pretty easy to figure out who I was talking about, I'm sure.
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"This new Goblin Cock is pretty good!"
This belongs in a new thread: "Best sentence you've said/typed in your entire life."
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From a 10 year old kid on a tour in 30 Rock...
"I haven't been here since the 80's."
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"I guess I'm more classically racist, than offensively racist."
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"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY META DATA? I'll kill someone."
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I wonder if we get to be Steve McQueen with a skullface again?
//topical!
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"Should I just go up to him and say 'Excuse me, sir, I'm sure you get this all the time, but are you, by chance, the veteran character actor Bruce McGill?'"
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yeah well i wasnt talking about balled up pieces of paper or something, trash.
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Someone needs to tell Matthew Barney that Fleetwood Mac beat him to it.
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"We don't need no audio, we don't need no visual, to tell that our hearts toot for you!"
Long story, but out of context the weirdest ditty I have penned.
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"Well, enough about the board games we played this weekend, how was Europe?"
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I suspect there's been a rift in the space-coke continuum.
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I found that cookie to be highly fucking offensive.
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Gangster, boxer, and sub captain. That guy is a triple threat.
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someone needs to change this to the best sentenceS you've said/typed today to make it comply with all the rule breakers.
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"Are you actually going to try and argue that Famous Amos was NOT a character in Greek mythology?"
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someone needs to change this to the best sentenceS you've said/typed today to make it comply with all the rule breakers.
I started this thread and I REFUSE.
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"Four ultrasounds said girl, but it's a boy."
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"I would have gladly taken a nap on Herbert Hoover’s face."
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"trust me, that song in spongebob is by twisted sister."
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"Well, it's ok, but it doesn't have a beard."
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"Some Virginians sound like Foghorn Leghorn."
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"What the fucking dildo?" LA Traffic necessitates new turlet mouth combinations.
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Trebek's eyes always look so sparkling.
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This is not very original, but I did use it in an IM session with a co-worker a few days ago: "Mad as a rattlesnake at a Thai wedding?"
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These PDF files are going to kill me someday.
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Hitler was like a super Giuliani.
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last nite at P. F. Chang's, "Shaun, I don't want your sloppy seconds fortune!"
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"Never underestimate the magic of clay...or imagination."
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Today my girlfriend said, "I wish you'd never taught my mom how to text message."
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"I'll do the worm on your grave"
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That dude who played Ogre deserves an Oscar retroactively because his performance is just amazing, his nerddar is epic.
NERDS!
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"I'll do the worm on your grave"
Winner!
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no shit. might as well lock the thread.
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I love having a debate about Free Will while I'm wearing no pants.
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"I wish there was a 'car share' for dogs"
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"I can fuck up some Google ads."
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"Why? You wanna put me in your pocket?"
*2 sentence rule
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Dammit, Jamie...you told me Timmy was dead.
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I think I'm giving birth to Keiffer Sutherland's character from Stand By Me
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bring your fake hair and your fake teeth.
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Who do you think I am, Al Jaffee?
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Arf - yes, it's Witch's Guide to Cooking with Children.
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Kahlil Gibran is so fat, his belly button has an event horizon.
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I just think that pleats will make me look like a serial killer.
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i hate this part: when Paul F. Tompkins turns into Satan.
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This victory is as dust in my mouth.
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Fuck that baby unicorn.
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Dedicate a cheeto to me.
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Thank you so, so much for not being sexy pikachu.
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Yeah, that is pretty "I've got a Fiero in the driveway".
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Apocalypse did not disappoint.
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this is bullshit, i knew i forgot my headphones.
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He was accused, in fact there was videotape, of him, ummm, commiserating with a girl who turned out to be below the age of consent, even in Georgia.
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the days of free vending machine food are over, richard.
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My god is an everything bagel that turns into a kitty.
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"soon your ass will go flat and your belly will get big."
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I'm sorry I'm throwing beans at you.
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"Sure, it’s ideal that Hawkeye and Trapper’s surgical gowns can be put to good use in 5,000 years, but practically speaking it’s a long shot"
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I didn't say this but yesno did:
"That's definitely Genius Bar shit."
I'm just waiting for a moment to drop this at work.
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I don't think it's good for me; it's white and very greasy.
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I didn't say this, someone else did, but it's pretty great. In a liquor store today I heard this:
"Do you have any red wine that's good to drink in a bath tub?"
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Probably quoting "Notorious" which I watched last night (holy moley that movie was bad.)
"Keep the suspendahs. Lose the shirt."
or referencing some slang in the movie to a friend.
"You mean your momma-duece?"
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Probably quoting "Notorious" which I watched last night (holy moley that movie was bad.)
"Keep the suspendahs. Lose the shirt."
or referencing some slang in the movie to a friend.
"You mean your momma-duece?"
The Hitchcock movie of the same name is quite good.
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It's only 740 euro... I'm going to book it!
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"let's just go ahead assume that everyone is using ie8."
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"If it's a gas leak, why do I smell smoke?"
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"I would hate him even without the date rape. That's just the raping on the cake."
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"let's just go ahead assume that everyone is using ie8."
Oh no. Are you in IT?
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"Well, that's just more laundry than I could handle"
(someone said this to me)
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"let's just go ahead assume that everyone is using ie8."
Oh no. Are you in IT?
Just web development on the side. So sort of.
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So am I. You're being sarcastic about developing just for IE8, yes?
(That was the best sentence I've typed all day. It's a slow one.)
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Yes, sarcasm. Which is why I thought I'd post it here because the person I was working on the project with thought I was serious. I realize it wasn't exactly taken out of context but the intent of the message totally failed. Humor: I suck at it.
So am I. You're being sarcastic about developing just for IE8, yes?
(That was the best sentence I've typed all day. It's a slow one.)
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No no that was just my overwhelming hatred of IE8 getting the best of me. That, and I've actually been told (by our IT department) that I should be doing that very thing...
And yeah I derailed this thread IS SOMEBODY GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? I brought this thread into the world and I can take it back out any time I please.
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"I hate everything."
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Shanie-poo is singin' it all out.
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Either:
"Probably gonna be eating an endangered owl or some shit."
Or:
"Oh wait. My phone is ringing. It's the President of America."
Hey, it's only 10:42 am. What did you expect? Milan Kundera?
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Not exactly what what this thread is about, but I had to share this. I know there's a bunch of FOTs who design/develop websites.
This is something that was emailed to me at work today. I'm a web developer and I maintain a website for this person. In addition to her job title "Web Project Coordinator", her email signature also includes this- "Certified Usability Analyst."
Hi,
This may seem like a silly questions, but is there anyway we can look at websites through other browsers? Such as look at [withheld].org in Firefox? Someone told me (and I’ve read) that we should be reviewing our sites through other browsers and that [withheld].org didn’t look “right”.
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The first title makes sense. The second one is akin to my title at home: Kitty Recreational Services Coordinator. Aka it's a load of BS.
So far my favorite sentence I typed today was "Can someone please turn the heat on in here?"
I hope it all pans out. Fingers crossed! The anticipation is palpable!
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"This week's Chicago Reader has reviews of 15 Polish restaurants in town, a.k.a. my new bucket list."
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"You think I need to get right with the Lord? I'm not even on good terms with my landlord."
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"I got of a block early so the addicts wouldn't bother me."
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"I don't think it matters unless the ghost of William Safire comes in for a souvlaki."
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I don't have a sentence, but I just used the term "butt-wise". Pretty cool.
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Ha, funny you say that, I just now referred to myself as a butthole in a meeting....
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Excuse me ladies, but there is a purpose to this thread and you two are straying from it.
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A few days late on this one, but: "Do you want me to hold your potato while you put your pants back on?"
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"What kind of ninja is this woman? She's ungooglable!" [said on a conference call about a potential vendor]
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"What kind of ninja is this woman? She's ungooglable!" [said on a conference call about a potential vendor]
googleable is a nice gluppy word to say. I like it, kinda like how I like a nice medium point bic pen.
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You have to say it fast. Like guglable (with a long U). Not like google-able.
I'm good at making up rules
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I'm covered in BEEEES!
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"I'm hacking like a black tar heroin addict." (For all of you Intervention fans out there).
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"What kind of ninja is this woman? She's ungooglable!" [said on a conference call about a potential vendor]
googleable is a nice gluppy word to say. I like it, kinda like how I like a nice medium point bic pen.
I lurv a medium point bic, but even moreso I love a Pilot v5 Precise. Ugh, such a nerd!
You have to say it fast. Like guglable (with a long U). Not like google-able.
I'm good at making up rules
That's pretty much how I said it. Un-googla-bull.
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Yes, sarcasm. Which is why I thought I'd post it here because the person I was working on the project with thought I was serious. I realize it wasn't exactly taken out of context but the intent of the message totally failed. Humor: I suck at it.
So am I. You're being sarcastic about developing just for IE8, yes?
(That was the best sentence I've typed all day. It's a slow one.)
That is a truly depressing thing, when you say something phenomenally stupid to troll the meeting, but then the end users decide it's a great idea.
'Let's just put all the data in one table. The 'Big Daddy' table.'
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I lurv a medium point bic, but even moreso I love a Pilot v5 Precise. Ugh, such a nerd!
I like a precise point some days too. I have many pen moods.
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"It's like the creep from "Greasy Lake" started writing poetry."
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"happy administrative professionals day, bitch."
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"Why not hire Green Lantern - he’s got a ring too!"
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I mean, Shakespeare said her boobs were like...grey and stuff.
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"I moisten the batter with my tears, and I bake them with the heat of my emotions."
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"she switched her baby because it had down syndrome...scandalous!"
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"He typed kidney into the search box... not sure why. Was he trying to be friends with one?"
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"Don't squeeze toothpaste into my flower bed!!"
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This wasn't today, but it's a pretty good one:
"I'm Dick Dale, and I approve this T-shirt!"
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"You remind me of Wilson from Home Improvement."
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"Ian Curtis the dead guy?"
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"she was obsessed with middle initials...."
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"Trust me, if you ever heard me rapping for my group 'Flavor Ice' you would know why i never laugh at anyone's music."
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"what's worse is, i let her call me a whore and that was supposed to be for you!"
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"yeah this sounds good. you can kinda hear the teeth falling out. i think it works quite well."
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"Don't blame Will Clark, blame Done Zimmer for throwing twelve actual clown on the field."
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Not from today but someone might appreciate it:
"Accient Rome probably would have been okay if Caligula would have just cut the shit. Maybe a little subtlety next go-round, ya know?"
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Oh another one:
"How many musical montages did Cool As Ice need? It makes Rocky IV look like There Will Be Blood."
"Vanilla Ice just hurts to look at in this movie."
I recently watched Cool As Ice for the first time and apparently had a lot to say about it on Facebook.
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"Max Gail - tentacles or not - is always sufficient."
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"It's ok. Pastries of a kind...don't seem to mind."
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"and then she said, 'fuck you, i don't give a shit what you think'...it was hilarious."
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i admit, i did not write this, but i wish i had.
from the world's worst writer, 2010 edition, Molly Ringle:
"For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil."
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Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil."
She stole that from William Thackeray.
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"You're fired."
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"You're fired."
Was this in seriousness, spoken to you? If so, I am sorry.
"no, I've been here before as a Power Ranger, and I didn't slip. Trust me."
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"You're fired."
Was this in seriousness, spoken to you? If so, I am sorry.
"no, I've been here before as a Power Ranger, and I didn't slip. Trust me."
Thanks for your concern but I'm only kidding.
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"Anyway, it was kind of erotic but kind of weird too because I don't really want to watch MF Doom having sex with people."
sorry.