FOT Forum
The Best Show on WFMU => Show Discussion => Topic started by: Lemon Session on September 07, 2011, 12:16:18 AM
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I'm so mad that I got kicked off before I thought of it --
Goonies, in the role of the old lady
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Porky's.
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Rocky V as George Washington Duke
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CHUD
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Purple Rain.
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I want to brag about (sort of ) being the one that introduced this topic. It is shameless, I admit, but it has boosted my spirits in the way I did not know was possible.
I actually kept talking when I was hung up and mentioned Two-Lane Blacktop but I'm glad no one heard it, because it doesn't really make that much sense.
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Purple Rain.
Winner!
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Scarface. If Al Pacino could play a Cuban, why not Orson Welles?
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For that matter, he could have done the Peter Sellers thing and starred in three separate roles in Touch of Evil: Quinlan, Vargas, and the Mercedes McCambridge part.
Or he could have taken Jackie Gleason's role in Smokey and the Bandit, but played Buford T. Justice like he played Hank Quinlan, that'd be awesome.
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Heartbeeps. He would play Serge, an wise French butler robot who teaches them about love.
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The Empire Strikes back as one of the generals Darth Vader kills ("why certainly Lord Vader will see it in his heart that I've erred and will, of course, forgive me if his forgiveness has been asked." spoken in Orson's breathy cadence). Or as a rebel commander in the ice fortress who has to run through the halls as they're evacuating.
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I think Orson would have been compelling as Gandhi.
There are too many Star Wars roles that appear to have been written with Orson Welles in mind. From Jek Porkins to Jabba the Hutt...though I think he'd have been great as Grand Moff Tarkin.
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Friends With Benefits or The Breakfast Club
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in the Judd Nelson role
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Logan's Run
as the old man living the capital building with all the cats
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The Empire Strikes back as one of the generals Darth Vader kills ("why certainly Lord Vader will see it in his heart that I've erred and will, of course, forgive me if his forgiveness has been asked." spoken in Orson's breathy cadence). Or as a rebel commander in the ice fortress who has to run through the halls as they're evacuating.
or as this guy:
(http://starsmedia.ign.com/stars/image/article/824/824206/jek-porkins-20071001033021125.jpg)
who is apparently named "Jek Tono Porkins"
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Obviously a nod to Jack Perkins, yes/no?
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Beverly Hills Cop as the police chief:
(http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2011/08/06/gal_beverly_stephen-elliott.jpg)
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Up
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Deleted Scene from Back To The Future
George takes Lorraine to the cinema. Marty sits in the row behind to give George instructions. Their continual talking disturbs the portly, cigar-smoking, panama-hat wearing gentlemen in front played by Orson Welles. Punchline: The movie they are watching is Mr Arkadin. (OK, I know that last bit is not very likely)
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TOOTSIE
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Beverly Hills Cop as the police chief:
(http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2011/08/06/gal_beverly_stephen-elliott.jpg)
"Is this the man who...?"
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Brazil.
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Beverly Hills Cop as the police chief:
(http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2011/08/06/gal_beverly_stephen-elliott.jpg)
"Is this the man who...?"
That is the exact moment from the film that made me think of Welles.
I also think he'd be great in the John Candy part in Vacation, but I don't think I'm going to nominate it because Candy was so great in the role.
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Fitzcarraldo. He could have played the boat.
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The Architect in "The Matrix: Revolutions"
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I also find it incredibly difficult to believe that Michael Winner couldn't have found a place for Orson in Death Wish II.
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First thing that came to mind ...
(http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/2860/image11vt.jpg)
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Riding shotgun with Burt "JJ McClure" Reynolds in the Canonball movies taking Dom "Victor/'Him'/Captain Chaos" DeLuis' role. Da da-da dummm! Or as the doctor in the back of the ambulance w/Farrah.
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Brewmeister Smith in Strange Brew.
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The Apple as Mr. Topps, the old man who descends from the sky at the end of the movie.
(http://www.popmatters.com/images/blog_art/a/apple5.jpg)
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He could've snuck into 'The Last Waltz' somewhere, perhaps replacing Neil Diamond and instead reading something from 'Othello' on stage...then joining Van Morrison backstage to sing impromptu Clancy Brothers ballads in perfect harmony while drinking whiskey.
He would essentially hijack the focus on The Band and direct it on him, clashing with Scorsese on lighting and camera angles.
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I like to imagine him in a live-action adaptation of The Family Circus as the dead Grandpa, puttering invisibly around the house in his ratty old bathrobe and angel wings and secretly performing little acts of kindness for the children.
However, since no live-action adaptation of The Family Circus was ever made, nor would Orson Welles have been in it if one had, this must remain a dream, a beautiful dream.
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Cannonball run 2.
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We are the worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrld, we are the children
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Definitely Knightriders.
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We are the worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrld, we are the children
Well, he did host that SNL that had USA For Africa as the musical guests.
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The Architect in "The Matrix: Revolutions"
I just listened to the show and now understand what a shameful anachronism this is.
Now that I know the rules of the game, he should have co-narrated "Terror In the Aisles" along with Donald Pleasance.
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Kenny Rogers' role in "Six Pack." A county singing racecar driver being hectored by Erin Grey and a whole mess of children.
For two hours.
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Orson Welles IS...
Mean Mr. Mustard from the Sgt. Pepper's movie
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Kenny Rogers' role in "Six Pack." A county singing racecar driver being hectored by Erin Grey and a whole mess of children.
For two hours.
A staple of TV right after we got Showtime. I've hated "Rocky Top" ever since. Wasn't Anthony Michael Hall one of the kids?
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Not only was he one of the kids-- I'd all but forgotten-- but IMDB has this to say.
"Stopping briefly in a small Texas town, an itinerant race car driver finds that his stock car, on a trailer behind his motor home, has just been quickly and expertly stripped. He chases down the miscreants, who turn out to be six orphan children. He has no recourse to the law, for the corrupt local sheriff takes most of the proceeds of their thievery in exchange for not putting them in an orphanage. They are charming rogues who are in turn charmed by him. Disliking their arrangement with the sheriff, they stow away with him, and he finds himself becoming a reluctant stepfather. Thanks to their enthusiasm and incredible mechanical know-how, he begins to make a name for himself on the racing circuit. But the sheriff doesn't take kindly to losing his extra income..."
Fantastic.
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Six Pack rules. Solid entertainment.
Really loving Tom's impressions lately. It's underplayed but he really is a man of a thousand voices. His Roger McGuinn was so good!
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Not only was he one of the kids-- I'd all but forgotten-- but IMDB has this to say.
"Stopping briefly in a small Texas town, an itinerant race car driver finds that his stock car, on a trailer behind his motor home, has just been quickly and expertly stripped. He chases down the miscreants, who turn out to be six orphan children. He has no recourse to the law, for the corrupt local sheriff takes most of the proceeds of their thievery in exchange for not putting them in an orphanage. They are charming rogues who are in turn charmed by him. Disliking their arrangement with the sheriff, they stow away with him, and he finds himself becoming a reluctant stepfather. Thanks to their enthusiasm and incredible mechanical know-how, he begins to make a name for himself on the racing circuit. But the sheriff doesn't take kindly to losing his extra income..."
Fantastic.
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A lot of Star Wars suggestions. I thought of the Rancor keeper from Return of the Jedi. Nice emotional scene when the Rancor dies.
(http://starsmedia.ign.com/stars/image/article/100/1001652/ocd-star-wars-malakili-the-rancor-keeper-20090707004811613-000.jpg)
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As the role of Cyrus in The Warriors. (EDIT: Wrote this RIGHT before this call. The DJ is definitely better.)
Robert Culp in Outrage
The creep from My Name Is Steven
Jason from Solarbabies
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In 'Pre' as Pre
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Two suggestions that are flights of fancy: Jaws as Quint and All That Jazz as Joe Gideon.
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It's not later period but Orson in place of Fred MacMurray in The Apartment...
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It's not later period but Orson in place of Fred MacMurray in The Apartment...
Or as Uncle Charlie in My Three Sons
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what about Orson as one of the faces in the video for 'Cry' by Godley & Creme?
Godley and Creme - Cry (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxtPRF6NG7I#)
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"Goose" in Top Gun.
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Orson Welles IS...
Mean Mr. Mustard from the Sgt. Pepper's movie
Welles also would have been perfect as either Marvin Sunk, The Sun King (played in the actual film by Alice Cooper) or in Donald Pleasence's spot as reord sleaze merchant B.D. Brockhurst, which would have given the world the Orson Welles/Stargard musical number it never knew it needed.
Kenny Rogers' role in "Six Pack." A county singing racecar driver being hectored by Erin Grey and a whole mess of children.
For two hours.
This might be the best answer. All due respect to the legendary Kenny Rogers, but the dialogue below was meant to be delivered by Orson Welles:
Brewster Baker: He's right, Swifty. Be polite, Mr. Logan here's a very sensitive man.
[takes a few steps away and looks at Terk]
Brewster Baker: On second thought, I got a good mind to turn this little kid loose and let him just whip your ass, Terk!
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Tom mentioned it right before the topic, but Orson Welles would've been great in Rock N Roll High School.
I'm picturing him as Mr. McGree, the music teacher, or possibly Screamin' Steve Stevens.
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GHOSTBUSTERS as Slimer (or the ghost who be called Slimer in the cartoon if you want to be specific.)
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Orson Welles IS Uncle Buck
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I'm watching Get To Know Your Rabbit, and guess who just popped up from behind a screen. I howled with laughter. It is certainly funnier than any of the 'jokes' in the movie thus far.
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Chauncey Gardiner in 'Being There'.
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Ghostbusters as Slimer.
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Nic Cage's role in Face Off.
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Actually, maybe Nic Cage's role in anything!
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Monk.
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I've got it:
Mr. Belvedere.
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The child molester from that episode of DIFFERENT STROKES.
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The child molester from that episode of DIFFERENT STROKES.
No one could ever equal the range of Gordon Jump, Eric.
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On an episode of Comedy Film Nerds, Kyle Kinane provided his own answer months before Tom asked the question:
Ladybugs
Though I lean more towards Caddyshack -- can you imagine Orson Welles as Rodney Dangerfield in the "So what? So let's dance!" scene on the golf course?
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Red Dawn.
I could see him either as the Cuban General or in the Patrick Swayze role. W O L V E R I N E S!
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In the spirit of F for Fake, Welles surfaces as Jeff in Seattle, a pure invention of Tom's mind.
I want to hear those posts read in that voice.
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Red Dawn.
I could see him either as the Cuban General or in the Patrick Swayze role. W O L V E R I N E S!
Not the Powers Boothe role?
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Red Dawn.
I could see him either as the Cuban General or in the Patrick Swayze role. W O L V E R I N E S!
Not the Powers Boothe role?
EVEN BETTER.
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Harry & The Hendersons
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...Back to the Future as Old Biff
...Ewoks: The Battle For Endor in the Wilford Brimley role
...Raiders of the Lost Ark as Belloq
...Airplane! in the Lloyd Bridges role
...The Last Starfighter as Grig. The makeup would have been incredible.
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Death Wish 3, as one of the many terrorized apartment building residents. He would provide Bronson with some arcane, brutal weapon that would be later used to rip a man's jaw off.
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ORSON WELLES as SIR JIMMY PAGE in THE SONG REMAINS THE SAME
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Phil Spector's role in Easy Rider.
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Orson Welles is Flash in the Pan: The John Wesley Shipp Story
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Of course, Orson as Phil Spector would have been incredible, but I don't believe Spector was ever portrayed in a film during Welles's lifetime, so...
Wolfman Jack in American Grafitti. (I know Wolfman Jack played himself--Welles would have been better.)
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Oh, screw that. Dream Big!! Somebody should have made The Phil Spector Story before 1985, and cast the one man capable of playing Phil Spector in his glory.
And that man, my friends, was IS Orson Motherfucking Welles!
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Peter Boyle's role in JOE.
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Peter Boyle's role in JOE.
I just watched that movie. So weird and so bad.
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CORVETTE SUMMER.
They could have gone another way, had an older, more distinguished gentleman (WELLES) the, what was it, head of an exotic shop-class fabricated auto theft ring.
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Gary Busey's role in Big Wednesday.
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Mr. Bentley on THE JEFFERSONS.
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John Carpenter's The Thing in the Wilford Brimley role
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Altered States
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Any of John Houseman's 80s roles.
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He could have played Rick Rubin in Krush Groove
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Better off Dead as the burger restaurant owner
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He could have played Rick Rubin in Krush Groove
Hahaha
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Mr. Hand in Fast Times.
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My favorite thus far is the Godley & Creme video.
Within his lifetime: The George C. Scott role in Taps
Had he held on a few years:
- replacing Charles Grodin in Beethoven
- replacing Michael Ironside in pretty much everything, but lets go with Free Willy
- I am certain he would've actually done the voicework as Brain in Pinky & the Brain
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He should have narrated A Christmas Story instead of Jean Shepherd.
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Replacing Joe Don Baker in MITCHELL.
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"Hi...I'm Orson Welles...and I'm here on location in Peru for a new film directed by a very talented young German who goes by the name of Werner Herzog. The film is called Fitzcarraldo, about a rubber baron who wishes to build an opera house in the middle of the jungle...*chuckles*...well, have you ever heard of such a thing?! I play a rival rubber baron, who already has several opera houses of his own, and continually chides Fitzcarraldo about his lack of an opera house. And the part of Fitzcarraldo? Well, it was to be played by the superb Jason Robards, but he has now been replaced with a marvelous German actor called Klaus Kinski...I've yet to meet him, but I can imagine we shall get along famously! I certainly hope nothing untoward happens and I end up sleeping in a house full of guinea pigs."
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Hey, I already suggested Fitzcarraldo back on Page 2.
After posting that I was thinking about an alternative scenario, where the protagonist is an ambitious, movie-mad young director shooting a shoestring-budget film in South America. He's scored his biggest coup to date by getting Welles to appear in the film. The only problem is that flooding season makes transportation by boat to the location impossible, so he has to conscript an entire village of natives to haul Orson Welles over a mountain.
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He certainly would have been better than Jason Robards.
http://youtu.be/gXgzWMbyZpE (http://youtu.be/gXgzWMbyZpE)
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Hey, I already suggested Fitzcarraldo back on Page 2.
Oops, sorry! I did do a cursory glance for it, but missed your suggestion.
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Baron Harkonnen in Dune. Mainly, I want to see him interviewed while the tumor makeup is being applied.
Also! The rebel air conditioning repairman in Brazil.
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Baron Harkonnen in Dune. Mainly, I want to see him interviewed while the tumor makeup is being applied.
Also! The rebel air conditioning repairman in Brazil.
Tuttle!
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Baron Harkonnen in Dune. Mainly, I want to see him interviewed while the tumor makeup is being applied.
Also! The rebel air conditioning repairman in Brazil.
Tuttle!
Buttle?
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Spinal Tap. Instead of Paul Shaffer.
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Mr. Hand in Fast Times.
Jon is the winner, case closed. But maybe Ray Walston would've worked for less? He did after all play the blind newstand guy ("Vendor") in "Johnny Dangerously". Hey...maybe case not closed: Orson Welles instead of Dom DeLuis as "The Pope" from the same movie...
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Forget Taps, Welles should have played the George C. Scott role in "Hardcore"
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I'd really like to see him in a 70s commercial for cheap wine.
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The Pacino role in Cruising.
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Mork.
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Mork.
Or Mork's son.
What about Tattoo from Fantasy Island, with all his shots filmed against green screen?
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UHF. He plays the creepy alien technician dude; Filo I think his name was.
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Mork.
Or Mork's son.
What about Tattoo from Fantasy Island, with all his shots filmed against green screen?
I don't get the latter-day love for Jonathan Winters. I will grant that I was a kid when I watched all of his comedy. I do remember hating "Mearth" for all I was worth, but maybe it was just the name.
Did the producers of Mork & Mindy get any money from the Benjamin Button people?
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Archie Bunker on 'All in the Gang'
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If it had come out earlier, Orson Welles would've made a great Dr. Giggles.
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I can't decide if he should have been Mario, from the Magic Shop, or Madam Ruby, the fortune-teller, in "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure".
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Hot Stuff.
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I can't decide if he should have been Mario, from the Magic Shop, or Madam Ruby, the fortune-teller, in "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure".
I would settle for Amazing Larry.
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I can't decide if he should have been Mario, from the Magic Shop, or Madam Ruby, the fortune-teller, in "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure".
I would settle for Amazing Larry.
Mr. Buxton, father of Francis.
Mr. Buxton: He couldn't have stolen your bike. We've been setting up Francis's birthday plans all day.
Pee-wee Herman: Gee, I guess I was wrong. We don't have to involve the authorities in this matter, do we, Mr. Buxton? It was an honest mistake, and I'm very sorry.
Mr. Buxton: Well... I still think you should apologise to Francis, and then I want to see the two of you shake hands.
Pee-wee Herman: I'm sorry, Francis.
[Shakes his hand, and reaches for his trick gum]
Pee-wee Herman: Here, would you care for some gum?
[Francis takes a piece of trick gum]
Pee-wee Herman: Would you like some, Mr. Buxton?
Mr. Buxton: Oh, thank you.
Pee-wee Herman: Spearmint or fruit?
Mr. Buxton: Uh, fruit please.
Mr. Buxton: [Takes a piece of trick gum]
Pee-wee Herman: [leaving] Well, goodbye.
Mr. Buxton: Goodbye.
Francis: You do believe me, don't you, Dad?
[as Francis chews the trick gum, the saliva in his mouth turns black. Mr Buxton screams as he realises his own gum is spicy]
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I was going to say what I think Orson Welles should have been in when I called into the show but Tom hung-up on me. (No hard feelings on my part and I hope that John Hodgman wasn't offended by me comparing his likeness to Bunsen Honeydew. If he was, I'm sorry.)
Otherwise: I think it would've been funny if Orson Welles played the Edward James Olmos part in Blade Runner or the Robert Preston role in The Last Starfighter. Why? It would've been funny to see Orson Welles pilot something as cool as a flying hover-car and probably make it look like the Rascal Scooter of the future.
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THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE. Disney, 1978.
'The Cat From Outer Space' Trailer for TV (1978) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKexjD94aqo&feature=related#)
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Mr. Buxton, father of Francis.
I considered that but that performance is so untouchable to me ultimately I eliminated it from the running.
Now, imagining Mr. Wells offering a boomberang bowtie or delivering the line "You're here because.... you want something." I think that could have really added to the movie.
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I've been unable to listen all summer but I've been slowly catching up so this topic now makes more sense - the first thing I thought of was Creepshow, in Stephen King's role, where he plays the dumb hick who gets taken over by the extraterrestrial plants. Can't you see him in those overalls!
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Some dude on the show stumped Tom and John with Cutter's Way. It's a pretty good 80's neo-noir, though when I rewatched it recently I noticed enormous holes in the mystery plot that I hadn't before. If Welles played John Heard's role it would be a great example of his doing anything for money, since it's integral to the character that he's a disfigured Vietnam vet. (Welles was 50 when the US started sending ground combat forces to Vietnam.)
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How about Orson Welles as the drunk sailor Paddy Button in "Blue Lagoon"? Imagine him thespian-ing the hell out of that monologue where he tells the children that they are forbidden from going to the "human-sacrificey" side of the island.
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"Raiders of the Lost Ark" as the boulder.
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This thread can end now, with.....
Orson Welles as 'Boss Hogg' in The Dukes of Hazard. THINK ABOUT IT.
(or Uncle Jessy)
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Some dude on the show stumped Tom and John with Cutter's Way. It's a pretty good 80's neo-noir, though when I rewatched it recently I noticed enormous holes in the mystery plot that I hadn't before. If Welles played John Heard's role it would be a great example of his doing anything for money, since it's integral to the character that he's a disfigured Vietnam vet. (Welles was 50 when the US started sending ground combat forces to Vietnam.)
Does this have anything to do with Berke Breathed's wheelchair-bound Vietnam vet of the same name?
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Does this have anything to do with Berke Breathed's wheelchair-bound Vietnam vet of the same name?
Dunno. Wikipedia tells me that the novel on which the film was based, Cutter and Bone, was published in '76 while Breathed's character got the name sometime between '78 and '80. The film character has prosthetic limbs but doesn't use a wheelchair, and their personalities are not very similar.
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"Raiders of the Lost Ark" as the boulder.
FOR THE RECORD, I WROTE THIS BEFORE HEARING PATTON'S NEW ALBUM. I AM NOT NICK MADSON.
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Orson Welles Terrorizes Jim Henson and Frank Oz (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX_1yIyfnbU#)
This seems as good a place to post this clip as any. Don't ask me what the Hell is going on here, but Frank Oz and Jim Henson both seem to be stunned speechless.
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Actually the 'weird footage' is from a bit on Conan (Muppet Faces of Death) that was spliced in. Still, it's pretty eerily funny.
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Music from Orson Welles movies:
http://www.wqxr.org/programs/movies/2011/sep/24/ (http://www.wqxr.org/programs/movies/2011/sep/24/)
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Orson Welles Terrorizes Jim Henson and Frank Oz (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX_1yIyfnbU#)
This seems as good a place to post this clip as any. Don't ask me what the Hell is going on here, but Frank Oz and Jim Henson both seem to be stunned speechless.
That's a beautiful thing. Someone has some talent at sussing out two weird things and mixing them together seamlessly.
It's always amazing to me how much Jim Henson sounds like Kermit T. Frog. He hardly modulates his voice at all. I'm now frightened of Kermit after this video and those coffee commercials.
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new here, long time listener.
I'm a cartoonist. Do you think a webcomic devoted to this topic would be worthwhile?
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new here, long time listener.
I'm a cartoonist. Do you think a webcomic devoted to this topic would be worthwhile?
Not a bad idea at all.
While we are back on this topic. he could have fit in nicely as a movie studio producer in S.O.B. Basically, he would be the same character that he was at the end of the Muppet Movie.
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oooh! Good one. I'll start working on a comic this week. Will probably post it on tumblr and this thread asap.
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Please draw Orson Welles in Head, disapproving of the general goings-on.
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Please draw Orson Welles in Head, disapproving of the general goings-on.
No, Welles should have taken the Frank Zappa role, leading a bull around and dispensing wise advice. I'd take wise advice from Orson Welles over Frank Zappa any day. (Well, maybe not career advice.) Plus, Welles could have stood in for both Zappa and the bull.
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Altered States. The ape.
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I'd like to see Orson Welles in the John Candy role from Blues Brothers. Just so he could change the "orange whip" line to "steak au poivre".
"Steak au poivre?
Steak au poivre?
Steak au poivre?
Three steaks au poivre."
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I'd like to see Orson Welles in the John Candy role from Blues Brothers. Just so he could change the "orange whip" line to "steak au poivre".
"Steak au poivre?
Steak au poivre?
Steak au poivre?
Three steaks au poivre."
I thought of that too, but by changing it to Steak au poivre you've taken it to the next level as they say in sports cliches.
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Orson Welles should have been in "Welcome Back Kotter", but not as Principal Woodman.
In the cold open when Mr. Kotter would tell his wife about some uncle or another, there should have been a fade to a scene where Orson Welles silently acted out Gabe Kaplan's narration. That's a show I'd watch.
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Holy cow! tons of great ideas. Gotta get my rear in gear and get drawing!
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He should've been Buford T. Justice in "Smokey and the Bandit."
Or Burt Reynolds character in "Cop and A Half."
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He should've been Buford T. Justice in "Smokey and the Bandit."
So true, so true.
http://friendsoftom.com/forum/index.php/topic,8278.msg181689.html#msg181689 (http://friendsoftom.com/forum/index.php/topic,8278.msg181689.html#msg181689)
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How about Orson Welles as the host of the Best Show?
"Not me, gentleman."
"Oh, I'm very much in the flesh right now."
"GET OFF MY TELEPHONE!"
"Mike, please find a copy of that Mahler symphony. Yes, the 9th symphony."