Author Topic: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!  (Read 10792 times)

Tom Scharpling

  • I RUN THIS.
  • Achilles Tendon Bursitis
  • Posts: 900
The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« on: November 25, 2007, 08:15:43 PM »
Hello heroes -

The reviewing of every James Bond movie has begun. Check it out over at www.scharplingandwurster.com, okay?

Thanks.

Tom.

Forrest

  • Guest
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2007, 08:42:53 PM »
I am going to compile these and use them as CliffsNotes, lest I not feel like a man the next time I'm at a bar during a Bond conversation.

Dorvid Barnas

  • Guest
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2007, 09:57:29 PM »
That was hilarious. Thanks!

Dr. No is supposed to be the one of the good ones, right? 
God help Never Say Never Again, that's all I can say.

A.M. Thomas

  • Achilles Tendon Bursitis
  • Posts: 858
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2007, 12:00:09 AM »
Movie marathons are one of my favorite things to do.

I'm not a chicken,  you're a turkey.

Chris L

  • Space Champion!
  • Posts: 2780
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2007, 12:26:13 AM »
License to Kill is the only Bond movie I've seen so I'm looking forward to that one. 

Ted Falconi

  • Plantar Fasciitis
  • Posts: 7
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2007, 02:36:58 AM »
How about a Vintage Seltzer review while you're at it?

Wes

  • Achilles Tendon Bursitis
  • Posts: 703
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2007, 09:35:51 AM »
Great stuff, especially the take on Dr. No himself. Based on the categories for evaluation, I'm going to put in an early guess that You Only Live Twice and Live and Let Die will end up being, on a purely statistical level, the greatest Bond films.

One note, and this is excusable since you haven't really followed the Bond films in depth: Bond doesn't wear a pajama top in Dr. No because they had not yet been invented. Q is introduced in From Russia With Love, presenting 007 with MI6's newest invention: a pajama top, at which Bond openly scoffs. He later admits that he was wrong when he uses it to kill Red Grant at the end of the movie, tricking the silk-loving Grant into trying on the pajama top unaware of the explosive charge in its breast pocket (after which Bond drops the famous movie quote "Don't disturb my friend - he's dead tired!")

The movie made the idea of pajama tops so popular that they actually came into fashion and were mass produced following its release. Against all critical expectation, the moviegoing public was not nearly as receptive to the jetpack in Thunderball or the attempt to bring back those nightcaps with the fuzzy ball on the end in Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins.
This may be the year I will disappear.

buffcoat

  • Space Champion!
  • Posts: 6214
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2007, 11:20:23 AM »
Solid review - but you have to talk about the ubiquity and annoying-ness of a "Underneath the Mango Tree" in any review of Dr. No.

And now that stupid song will be in my head all day.


Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, come watch for the moon,
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, make bool'aloop soon.
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come sit hand in hand,
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come make fairy land.

(Chorus:)
Mango, banana and tangerine, sugar, anaki, and cocoa bean,
When we get married we make 'dem grow, and nine little child in a row.

Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, come watch for the moon,
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, we plan marry soon.
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come sit hand in hand,
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come make fairy land.

(Chorus)

Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, come watch for the moon,
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, make bool'aloop soon.
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come sit hand in hand,
Underneath the moonlit sky, me honey and I, come make fairy land.

(Chorus)

Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, come watch for the moon,
Underneath the mango tree, me honey and me, make bool'aloop soon.
Underneath the mango tree, underneath the mango tree.
Underneath the Mango tree, underneath the mango tree.

I really don't appreciate your sarcastic, anti-comedy tone, Bro!

Mason

  • Policemans heel
  • Posts: 72
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #8 on: November 26, 2007, 02:02:50 PM »
With that ditty brought to light, Tom I think you need to add an extra point to the "racism" category.

Great idea for the S&W blog. It saves me the trouble of ever having to watch these things. Like you, I've seen most of the James Bond series through osmosis. Catching glimpses on TBS while sorting socks, but never having a reason to watch one from start to finish.

JonFromMaplewood

  • Space Champion!
  • Posts: 2372
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2007, 04:23:56 PM »
Spot-on review, Tom. Thank you.

I humbly suggest another section for the reviews: Impractical Bond-Killing Method. 
For example:
G-Force simulator with no brakes in "Moonraker",
Slow-moving laser that takes a solid hour to reach its target in "Goldfinger",
Remote-controlled helicopter in "For Your Eyes Only",
Death by boredom in "Casino Royale". Oh wait, that was me.
etc.
"I'm riding the silence like John Cage up in this piece." -Tom Scharpling

Matt

  • Space Champion!
  • Posts: 1021
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2007, 06:53:49 PM »
Tom, could you just skip ahead to "Live and Let Die"? I don't think I can wait.

Edit: Bill Hicks.
It ain't ego, it's my love for you.

TL

  • Achilles Tendon Bursitis
  • Posts: 802
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2007, 07:10:21 PM »
Interesting (sort of...  for the second it took me to read the first couple of paragraphs, anyway...) side note:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20071126/britain-searching-for-spies/

"There are some places that white males can't go."
Now write me a receipt so I can tip on outta here...

Jason

  • Guest
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2007, 09:50:23 PM »
There's nowhere I couldn't go, I'm like a world citizen of the streets. They should have recruited me when they had the chance then I could have written my memoirs as the Punk Rock James Bond.

Tom Scharpling

  • I RUN THIS.
  • Achilles Tendon Bursitis
  • Posts: 900
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #13 on: November 27, 2007, 01:51:21 PM »
FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE review is UP NOW!

www.scharplingandwurster.com

Tom.



Wes

  • Achilles Tendon Bursitis
  • Posts: 703
Re: The James Bond Reviewing Has Begun!
« Reply #14 on: November 27, 2007, 02:41:09 PM »
I definitely like the theme a lot better than you did, but that may stem from the enjoyment I get out of the way he sings “From rusher, with love” and the whole career of Matt Monro, who looked like he was in his 60s and sounded like a poor man’s Sinatra, but was still vaguely re-packaged as a swingin' teen idol in things like Pop Gear.

I never really thought about the inherent silliness of Red Grant killing the guy in the Bond mask at the beginning, as far as the movie’s internal logic goes. Why does that guy need to be wearing a James Bond mask? Does Grant only agree to kill people who look like James Bond? That’s a hell of a specialty. Or, after intense trial and error with all those other assassins, did SPECTRE determine that the #1 skill needed for someone assigned with killing James Bond was simply knowing what James Bond looked like?
This may be the year I will disappear.