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[Martin]

Why, Oh Why, Would You Offer Me Your Coat?

Awesome reference. I wonder if the robber had a look of consternation as he said that.

[gravy boat]

I'm not saying anything new here, but as someone who has been robbed three times (once at gunpoint, once at implied gunpoint, and once with simple "I may not have a gun but I will tear your testicles off if you don't hand it over" bravado), this story is clearly nonsense on stilts.

Is Maplewood that sketchy these days? I've seen some rough looking types in Roma Pizza but never thought crime would run so amuck.

[JonFromMaplewood]

I'm not saying anything new here, but as someone who has been robbed three times (once at gunpoint, once at implied gunpoint, and once with simple "I may not have a gun but I will tear your testicles off if you don't hand it over" bravado), this story is clearly nonsense on stilts.

Is Maplewood that sketchy these days? I've seen some rough looking types in Roma Pizza but never thought crime would run so amuck.

Since you ask, I have to say that my robberies definitely had a feel-good, NPR side to them (or maybe a New York Times Metropolitan Diary side to them...as horrible as that sounds).  And as odd as these sound, these are not made up.

So, I was robbed three times, once in L.A. and twice in N.Y.  And from my three data points, I have to say that N.Y. muggers are nicer than L.A. muggers.   

THE L.A. ROBBERY - I had moved to Los Angeles in 1992 to find work in the music industry (that didn't work).  Drive across the country to get there. Got out of my car. Walked one block to my brother's apartment. He comes back to the car with me to unpack it. Guy pulls a gun on us and robs us. As he is rfling through my pockets, he says "That better be everything or I'm going to blow you the fuck away." When he's done, he says "Start walking and don't look back."

THE FIRST N.Y. ROBBERY - Circa 1995, I walk over the Queensboro Bridge to the Queens side and ask the first person I see how to get to the G Train. He puts his arm around me and gives me directions, but then adds "You know where you are? You're at the first bus stop after Ryker's Island. Me and my boy over there just got out. So why don't you give me what's in your wallet or my friend is gonna 'pop a cap in your ass.'"  I give him what's in my wallet, after which he repeats the directions to the subway. In a panic, I tell the subway tollbooth guy what happened and he said "What did you expect? You're a white boy in shorts."

THE SECOND N.Y. ROBBERY - Circa 1999, I walk into the subway station at Times Square. I man rolls up on me, pushing me with his chest and loudly demands that I hand it over.  I hand him the eight-or-so bucks in my wallet, but then I tell him that I have no cash for the subway and could he please give me a few bucks back.  He does.

This is all true, although I am not 100% on the N.Y. robbery years. From the L.A. mugger, I get a gun in my back. From the N.Y. muggers, I get directions and change for the subway.

[gravy boat]

awesome Jon.  I like the attire rebuke from the transitman. Really, what'dya expect wearing shorts, aside from a mugging?

[todd]

Did the guy look sketchy when you asked for directions? Because announcing to a stranger, "I'm not from around here and don't know where I'm going!" was a pretty bad decision, no offense.

[JonFromMaplewood]

Did the guy look sketchy when you asked for directions? Because announcing to a stranger, "I'm not from around here and don't know where I'm going!" was a pretty bad decision, no offense.

What can I say? I try to assume the best in people. And 99% of the time, I'm right. This time, I was wrong.

[Chris L]

This time, I was wrong.

Dead wrong.

[John Junk 2.0]

When I got mugged it was in Baltimore.  There was no NPR bright side at all.

My friends and I get out of a car and start walking towards their apartment.  Three dudes ask us for directions.  They look sheepish and sketchy.  We give them directions and start to walk away and then all of the sudden I'm in a choke hold.  I should explain, it was pretty dark out, and I was carrying a video camera that I borrowed from college.  I immediately drop the video camera on the ground.  The guy is sort of holding me hostage as his buddies grab my other friends.  There is an implied gun but I don't think there was an actual gun.  But the choke hold was actually choking me, so that's something.  The only guy the dudes don't grab (3 against 4 here) is the biggest guy among us, who is sort of blackmailed into getting on the ground.  I literally have 83 cents in my wallet, which for some reason I decide I should throw on the ground. My choke-holder did not respond positively to this.  Actually he was like "Don't fuck with me!" and then I tried to explain to him, while choking, that I really was broke.  Eventually the biggest guy among us was like "Uh, I have 15 dollars in my wallet, you can have it.  He doesn't have any money."  Then they got their huge bounty, which was like 20 bucks, kicked the smallest guy among us in the ribs, and ran away.  We called the cops and tried to describe them as African Americans.  In the squad car the cop explained to us that around here they were nothing but *N-bomb*s, and we should refer to them as such, which I thought was kind of intense since the city is like 60% black.  Sometimes I'd think that the dudes looked more scared than us, but then I'd remember that guy closing off my windpipe for 85 cents and would be like "No they weren't." 

I'm also wondering if the warmth this kid gets out of the coat Mr. Nice Guy gave him allows him to have the stamina to go on to assault someone at an ATM and then light a homeless guy on fire or something.

[todd]

What's Tom's quote from a few months back?

"You don't ______ a mugger, you fight a mugger. At least, I do."

[TremblingEagle]

Why, Oh Why, Would You Offer Me Your Coat?

Awesome reference. I wonder if the robber had a look of consternation as he said that.

we got the start of a Metropolitan Dairies entry somebody grab their info let's fire off a email.

[Wes]

The story really does sound like an inverted Brock Peuchk, the more I think about it. The kid should have been wearing a ski mask in the diner.

Another possible outcome of this story: the kid was being compelled to rob because the knife he had was haunted by the ghost of a murderer and thief, and now that the guy has his knife, the ghost will now possess him, instead. I saw something like that in a movie once, so it can happen.

[B_Buster]

I talked my way out of two muggings, one with a gun (or a facsimilie of one) to my head in New Orleans. What can I say? I'm a people person.

[samir]

I talked my way out of two muggings, one with a gun (or a facsimilie of one) to my head in New Orleans. What can I say? I'm a people person.

Mike's gambit: "You don't want to mug me! Now, have you heard of Werner Herzog?"

[ericluxury]

I was jacked/mugged probably 50 times between the ages of 11 and 16. The final time I fought (not well enough to stop the mugger). However, I think I carried myself like someone who might fight back after that. (Though most likely it was that puberty had made me grow to the point where it wasn't worth it).
Never was there an NPR spin to it.
However, once I was borrowing an RPG computer game (Might & Magic 6 I think) from a friend and I was so worried that the guys would take it and I'd have to replace the $50 game. They went through my backpack and to my surprise they said they already had the game (this was in the 386 era when computers weren't so ubiquitous) and had beaten it.

[gravy boat]

I talked my way out of two muggings, one with a gun (or a facsimilie of one) to my head in New Orleans. What can I say? I'm a people person.

I got the opposite problem. I've talked my way into two beatings.