I woke up at 6:00 this morning

[KickTheBobo]

Some years ago, I went through a weird time where I was carrying a broken retractable fishing pole with me for protection. It was just the pole part, and only like a 1/4" in diameter and would collapse down small enough to fit into a jacket. if needed, it could extend to about 3 feet, and being fiberglass, could smack the shit out of someone. I never got to use it on any real-life adversary, but I think it would probably be more annoying that threatening.

So maybe get something like that, and if it happens next time, just open up and unleash a torrent of blows upon him with this or a tv antenna. a few whaps! whap! whaps! accompanied by screaming in French will surely drive the bastard away.


Did it ever occur to you or the cops that he might have just been the world's most persistent newspaper delivery boy?

[Jack from Arkansas]

I consider myself an expert on googling the internet for home security.  Here is by far and away the first thing that I came to; http://www.djarmor.com/Products/Door-Jamb-Armor

I would also get a handgun but make sure you have a trigger lock on it.

[Martin]

Somewhere, a DJ Armor is pissed that someone stole his domain name.

[Spoony]

Did it ever occur to you or the cops that he might have just been the world's most persistent newspaper delivery boy?

He makes a good point Forrest... we're only getting half the story. For all we know, this could be on you.

What secrets are you hiding?

[masterofsparks]

Police lock?

[hugman]

It's "funny", this made me think of the time I caught a tranny hooker turning a trick in my driveway (i emphasize caught because there  have been plenty of times where they eluded me, thank god) and I go outside today and there are a bunch of condoms around my trash cans.  I hate hollywood.

[Kim Kelly]

Dave's Bat of Horror™ reminds me of the folks in my neighborhood who powerwalk with a baseball bat in hand. I assume they use it for protection. I guess they use it on dogs? That's awful.

One time a dog followed me home on my bike. This was, like, five blocks from my house and I didn't know the people who lived there, and the phone number on his ID tag went straight to voicemail, so I put him in the basket and took him home with me. He was with me a few hours before the neighbors got him. My cats were not pleased. I did not use a bat on anyone.

[Regular Joe]

Set your house up Home Alone style, except with projectile weapons using live ammunition. I guess at that point it isn't really 'Home Alone' style anymore, more 'protect-your-opium-field' style, but the principle is the same.

In seriousness, I personally believe a gun in the home is always going to be more dangerous to you than useful, but I don't live in as scary a neighborhood as some. I suppose my only advice would be that if you do get a gun, aim low. Better a leg-wound than a murder on your conscience!

[iAmBaronVonTito]

i dont have a solution to suggest, but this has happened to me before as well.  more than once.  when i lived in AZ, it was always a guy and he was always pounding my door down looking for somebody after last call.  it was always a different person he was looking for and it was always a different drunk guy.  i dont know how that worked, but somehow, it did.


in memphis, this never happens to me.  the drunk and homeless sleep in the hallways of my building but theyre gone by morning.  if im home when theyre dumpster diving, i'll run down leftovers. 

[JonFromMaplewood]

Forrest,

I have started taking Karate.  That's no gun, and it will take years before I can really start using my own body as a weapon, but I already feel less nervous about violent jerks around me.  I actually started taking it for the exercise and rituals...I was more into the Bob Fosse elements than I was the "burst-another-man's-kidney" elements.  But that has been a nice fringe benefit. 

It also helps that I found a nice sensai. He is like the Jimmy Stewart of sensais.

Seriously, Forrest, consider it. If it doesn't immediately make you safer, it will make you feel better until the time when you are.

-Jon From Maplewood, White Belt

[Shaggy 2 Grote]

I have been in over 1,000 Bob-Fosse-style dance fights.

[<<<<<]

Install a wall of spikes on your front door.  Not only will it cause vagrants (and zombies) to impale themselves while trying to batter down your door, it will creep out everyone else and they'll leave you alone.

edited: to add zombie tip

[Keith Whitener]

A variation of the bat with a nail in it (it was a wooden board) was used by the citizens of Springfield to defeat their green skinned, tentacled invaders Kang, Kodos, and their glass encased brethren in the segment Lisa's Nightmare (The Monkey's Paw) in Treehouse of Horror II. The bat, however, would be much easier to wield.

[Forrest]

I am now leaning towards being a JFM-style ninja armed with a DFK Bat of Horror, and I am ready to take this fight to any punk that would terrorize not just me, but any of the fine citizens of Manhattan. I hereby declare war on any would-be door-smashing miscreants and other such societal abominations. Farewell, Friends of Tom. Forrest in Manhattan is no more. I am now....the Bat Man.

[andrew in philadelphia]

my suggestion only works if you have a partner - a punk murdering partner:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFY5xMih3fo[/youtube]