Author Topic: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament  (Read 9161 times)

Wes

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Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« on: March 05, 2009, 10:53:59 AM »
As the title indicates, I’m asking your help in putting together a list of bands to compete in a no-holds-barred elimination street fighting tournament. These would not necessarily be fights to the death, but death would certainly be a possible outcome in any given fight. Some bands play for keeps.

Things to consider:

Location: These fights would all take place in a theoretical enclosed back alley type of area. So we’re talking brick walls and concrete, limited places to hide or run. Maybe there’s a big garbage dumpster and a fire escape, but no one would be able to escape via the fire escape, it would lead to a (perhaps literal) dead end.

Weapons: Bands would only be allowed to bring in equipment they’d normally have on stage, so no one is packing any heat, unless a girl group enters with Phil Spector in their line-up. What does this mean? Well, if a band decided to bring in any instruments, one might contend that a band with a keytar player would have an advantage over a band with a piano player or traditional stand-up keyboard player, as the keytar would be much easier to use as a weapon. This is, therefore, the only conceivable scenario in which a keytar player might ever be an asset to a band.

Line-ups: All bands would have to compete under an actual, documented incarnation. No cherry-picking an ultimate fighting unit from a band that went through multiple personnel changes. That said, you do get to specify which version of the band you’re sending into the fight. Also, while noting that bands with more members would have a decided numbers advantage, you should also consider whether a seven-member band like Chicago would really be able to overwhelm a tougher power trio, or whether that would just mean four more guys to get savagely beaten up. Solo artists would be relegated to their own side competition unless they had a well-known backing band.

Finally, this is meant to be limited primarily to bands of the rock/pop mode, though exceptions could be made for bands from other genres on a case-by-case basis. Feel free to make your case in as much depth as necessary.
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daveB from Oakland

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2009, 10:58:52 AM »
Two words: Axe bass.
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Chris L

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2009, 11:03:57 AM »
Some suggestions:

Bon Scott-era AC/DC
Superchunk (I would be very wary of messing with Laura)
Blues Brothers 2000

masterofsparks

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2009, 11:04:49 AM »
Kraftwerk
I'll probably go into the wee hours.

daveB from Oakland

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2009, 11:22:34 AM »
A few more thoughts ... was Phil Spector really in the "line up" of any group? I mean, if Spector can be considered a Ronnette than he can also be considered a Ramone, I guess.

Also, a piano has lots of weapon opportunities if you're allowed to chop it up a little bit. You can saw off a piano leg and turn it into a club. You can rip out some piano wire and use it for stabbing and/or strangling. But this raises another question ... does chopping up a piano break the rules of the tournament? One would need an axe (or a fighter could wrest Gene's axe bass from his hands).

Maybe each band can have one designated roadie/handyman/pit-crew type of guy who assists with providing tools and disassembling equipment ... ????

Electrocution seems like a potential scenario for one of these fights.




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Shaggy 2 Grote

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2009, 11:34:11 AM »
Laibach
Bikini Kill
Gwar (though they would probably have serious peripheral vision problems with those masks)
The Texas Nazis
Public Enemy, with S1Ws
The Wu-Tang Clan, if that's not too obvious
Broken Social Scene (sheer numbers)
The Meatmen
The Cro-Mags
Slap Shot
Marty "Violence" Key of the Pharmacists
Grace Jones
Jay Reatard
Queen, who I imagine would possess some kind of space powers
ELO, ibid.
Parlaiment/Funkadelic, ibid.
Sun Ra, ibid.
Ziggy Stardust-era David Bowie, ibid.
Johnny Ramone, solo
Jefferson Airplane, just so they can use Marty Balin as cannon fodder
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daveB from Oakland

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2009, 11:48:47 AM »
Coldplay





(Because I'd really enjoy seeing those guys get beat up).
"He didn't sound like a human when I was talking to him ... he sounded like a shape ... what's that shape of that building ... you know, where the Army lives?" -- Bryce, 11/24/2009

Wes

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2009, 11:52:27 AM »
Blues Brothers 2000

What about the kid in the group? Is he a liability, taking away from the huge plus that John Goodman brings to the table, or are you maybe thinking maybe people don't want to fight a kid, so they'd hold back a little and Blues Brothers 2000 would gain a psychological advantage?

Also, a piano has lots of weapon opportunities if you're allowed to chop it up a little bit. You can saw off a piano leg and turn it into a club. You can rip out some piano wire and use it for stabbing and/or strangling. But this raises another question ... does chopping up a piano break the rules of the tournament? One would need an axe (or a fighter could wrest Gene's axe bass from his hands).

Excellent points! My take is, I wouldn't even bother bringing a piano into the fight in the first place. The band would be tired just carrying the thing to the fight in the first place, and it would take up valuable fighting room. Any kind of advantage you might get from it would be additionally removed in all the time it would take to disassemble a piano in order to weaponize it. If you're hunkered down trying to rip the legs off your piano, you're almost certainly going to get jumped in the meantime.

But yes, you could/should certainly consider the possibility that any band who brings their gear into a fight runs the risk of having it turned against them. Cheap Trick would be at the most risk, if you ask me. Nielsen would be able to fling his guitar picks at their opponents, making them one of the best long-range threats, but the five-neck guitar would be an an unweidly weapon and the band that Cheap Trick fought would probably be able to break past Zander and Petersson to grab some of Nielsen's 40 other guitars and just go to town on the whole band.

Electrocution seems like a potential scenario for one of these fights.

I don't think there would be any electrical outlets in this alley, so nobody would be plugged in.

Gwar (though they would probably have serious peripheral vision problems with those masks)

Yes! The peripheral vision problem is something that must be considered for Gwar.

Public Enemy, with S1Ws

Whether or not the S1Ws would be allowed to compete with PE has been a lingering question. I am open to arguments on this subject.

Parlaiment/Funkadelic

Funkadelic would be best suited to enter the tournament as Parliament, since they'd be allowed to use giant their giant novelty sunglasses and, if they wanted to go that way, sneak in contraband weapons in their diapers. That said, I still see Parliament being set up for a huge, early upset, since they'd all probably be too stoned to ever really put up a fight.
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JonFromMaplewood

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2009, 12:08:58 PM »
Cheap Trick would fare pretty well.  Rick Nielsen's 5-neck guitar could do some serious damage.

Although I guess Bun E. Carlos would be a liability.
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Big Plastic Head

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #9 on: March 05, 2009, 12:11:05 PM »
The Plasmatics. Wendy O. with a chainsaw!?! I mean c'mon! Bring it!
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Chris L

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2009, 12:12:45 PM »
Blues Brothers 2000

What about the kid in the group? Is he a liability, taking away from the huge plus that John Goodman brings to the table, or are you maybe thinking maybe people don't want to fight a kid, so they'd hold back a little and Blues Brothers 2000 would gain a psychological advantage?

I was thinking he would serve the same role as a midget valet in wrestling, running around, biting and kicking people as a distraction. If things got really bleak Goodman could even toss the kid at somebody's face, then strike while they were trying to peel him off.  

JonFromMaplewood

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2009, 12:14:37 PM »
Tad?
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Chris L

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2009, 12:21:07 PM »
Whether or not the S1Ws would be allowed to compete with PE has been a lingering question. I am open to arguments on this subject.

I think they should be allowed to stand by and watch but not actually participate, except for maybe handing out toy guns to Flav and Chuck. 

I keep thinking that Terminator X's experience running an ostrich farm would be helpful as well but I haven't quite figured out how. 

yesno

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #13 on: March 05, 2009, 12:31:10 PM »
* Would Bez be allowed to fight alongside the Happy Mondays?  Or would he be covered by the "Chris L principle" of merely being allowed to watch and dance on the sidelines?

* Bolt Thrower

* The Carter Family

* PM Dawn

daveB from Oakland

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Re: Help Me Seed An Elimination Rock Street Fighting Tournament
« Reply #14 on: March 05, 2009, 12:47:11 PM »






... 'cuz they're FIERCE!!
"He didn't sound like a human when I was talking to him ... he sounded like a shape ... what's that shape of that building ... you know, where the Army lives?" -- Bryce, 11/24/2009