Best Show jokes you have used in real life.

[not that clay]

I went with my fiancee to her ten-year high school reunion this weekend. It was pretty painful, and it made me glad I didn't go to mine a couple of years ago. The high point was telling one of her obnoxious and drunk former classmates that I worked for Consolidated Cardboard when she asked me what I did for a living. The fiancee is a new-ish FOT, and it scored me some big brownie points.

When I had a job I didn't want to talk about I told people "I work for the county." Only once did I get a followup question.

[mahgeetah]

In a toast at my cousin's rehearsal dinner, I said, "When I first met [the groom], I didn't like him .... I loved him!"  It was worth it just for the face my mom gave me during the pause.  Oh, Mom.

Nice job. I've been meaning to use this one forever, but I always think of it a moment too late.

[SwamiPat]

i try and wedge as many gg allin jokes in to every day conversation as possible.

[Steve of Bloomington]

i try and wedge as many gg allin jokes in to every day conversation as possible.

I try to work them into the corporate milieu.

[Rick in Salt Lake]

I try to work them into the corporate milieu.

Is that a euphanism?

[SwamiPat]

i applaud thee steve of bloomington. that there is a mighty challenge. my year end goal is to get a gg allin reference into a story (of the work/journalism style). perhaps even one about bloomington's own State Farm.

[Steve of Bloomington]

That would be brilliant, SwamiPat. The ultimate GG Allin reference in the corporate world would be to leave something on the conference room table after announcing you quit, but I would definitely never go that far.

[Rick in Salt Lake]

The ultimate GG Allin reference in the corporate world would be to leave something on the conference room table after announcing you quit...

or you could try to insert your company issued laptop into a nameless orifice...

Maybe just comming into work in a suit with your tie replace by a dog collar would be a better idea...

[Corman]

"Wait, whaaat?" has occasionally found its way into my everyday speech.

[SwamiPat]

I snuck a GG Allin reference into a story i just wrote about the Florida property insurance market!

"Like it or not, Florida seems dedicated to a 'live fast, die' way of doing things."


Mission Complete.

[CaptKarl]

I snuck a GG Allin reference into a story i just wrote about the Florida property insurance market!

"Like it or not, Florida seems dedicated to a 'live fast, die' way of doing things."


Mission Complete.

Well done, sir.

[Mr. Spacely]

I yell "Don't judge!" very loudly at my wife at least once a day.

Also, whenever I do something wrong or bad for which she chastises me, I often answer back with a quiet, "Well..."

And finally... When a neighbor asked me my opinion on how I thought the County should redevelop a nearby plot of land, I said they should fill it with colored marbles and pave it over.

[gravy boat]

When my kids are driving me crazy or work is frustrating and there is nothing to be done but bear it I have found myself saying to myself "...Mosquito truck." 

[cavorting with nudists]

My girlfriend and I live in Park Slope.  We were discussing the high frequency of times we see John Turturro or Steve Buscemi around the neighborhood.  Both actors live in Park Slope.

I said: "Maybe they live in the same house, like the Monkees."

She said: "Have you been drinking?"

No--just ripping off THE BEST SHOW ON WFMU.

[MontaukProjekt/PE]

About a year ago a caller or maybe it was an in studio guest was discussing the movie Titanic with Tom and said this
"You ever see the dog version of Titanic?....The poker game lasts the whole movie"
Funniest joke I've ever heard. Can't remember who said it.