Favorite on-air Tom moves

[iAmBaronVonTito]

I like "Mike's doing his own show out there" if Mike has any sort of conversation with a caller or laughs.

yeah..."Mike sounds furious!"

[TacoSmith]

I never get tired of the old Andy Milonakis gag. Especially since it still works 90% of the time no matter how nonsensical his role is.

Also, claiming that the current show that is going on will probably be the last show.

[Emily]

"Which brings up to tonight's topic.. Tonight's topic is: if you had a giant spring who would you launch into outer space... NO THAT'S NOT THE TOPIC! The real topic is.. if you could shrink anyone down to an inch, who would that person be..  NO THAT'S NOT THE TOPIC!!"

[Mason]

Anytime Tom makes up new stories that add to the mythology of Call Screener Mike. Mike's in no position to rebuke, so Tom can make claims that paint Mike as this total monster and you almost want to believe it.

Similarly when Tom uses Mike's name as substitute for his own thoughts. Like when Tom says "Mike says I got to move on", it really means "This call is dragging on too long. I want to hang up but don't want to be the bad guy".

[masterofsparks]

Asking to speak to a young caller's parents.

[Man Machine]

When Tom says given 2 days/2 weeks doing any activity he can master it:

"I've never played chess in my entire life, but again I'll guarantee if I played chess for 2 days I would be winning awards...just like Fisher, what was her name? Bobbie Fisher."

[moonshake]

Scharpling staples:

Get off my phone!
How dare you!
Who are you, ______? What's this, a _______? and variations.

[Jouster]

"What are you, bragging a little bit?"

[erika]

I love whatever you would call the little sound Tom makes when he hangs up from a good call.

[Mason]

I love whatever you would call the little sound Tom makes when he hangs up from a good call.

I think it used to be just a quick high pitched "bye". Over the years it devolved into "buh~" and by now it's just a cluster of indecipherable vowels.

[Stupornaut]

I love whatever you would call the little sound Tom makes when he hangs up from a good call.

I think it used to be just a quick high pitched "bye". Over the years it devolved into "buh~" and by now it's just a cluster of indecipherable vowels.

For the first few (well, several) months I was listening I thought that was some sort of cathartic sigh of relief that he hadn't just talked to some kind of mutant.

Here's an oldie-but-goodie: going over the songs he's just played and claiming that while some DJs might have played the song from a CD reissue/compilation, he only uses the super-rare limited-release original vinyl pressings worth hundreds/thousands of dollars.

[moonshake]

Oh ______, what are we going to do with you?

[dania]

When Tom pretends not to know what something is. 
examples...

1: Yoga

2: "Fugazi, the limo company?"

3. Waterboarding

etc. 

SOOO funny

[theericcarr]

Claiming 'I played bass on this song'.

An oldie, but a goodie.

[Stupornaut]

More than once, a caller gets curious about the bed music (usually Trans Am or Ghostface). Paraphrasing:

CALLER: "What's this music? Who does this?"
TOM: "It's something I wrote and recorded myself. It's called 'Tom's Theme'."