SPECIAL AFTER PRESIDENT'S DAY SALE EDITIONFeaturing the surprising return of...James K. Polk
11th President of the United States
Get a load of the size of this dude's dome! Previous portrait-specific judgments of James K. Polk have focused almost exclusively on his trend-setting mullet, which one might now assume was grown to draw attention away from his
huuuuge skull, but I am now of the opinion - based solely on this portrait - that Polk started out with long flowing hair that eventually only
appeared to be what we now call a mullet once he ended up with that freakish melon up there.
What can we take from this? Well, one must assume that Polk was surely our smartest president, as the only logical explanation for that ginourmous noggin is that it grew proportionally to house some kind of rapidly-expanding superbrain. Limited by the intentional lack of historical context that this topic requires, we cannot in good faith speculate what might have caused this mutation. We can, however, freely speculate as to what kind of
presidential super powers that Polk would have likely wielded while in office.
Telepathy:
Yes. No question, Polk was some kind of telepath, though perhaps not of the highest levels. Based on he presumed size of his mutant superbrain, Polk was likely able to read the minds of those within close proximity, but only those without extensive training in psychic defense. He was also likely able to project his thoughts over great distances to members of his Cabinet. He may have also been able to influence the thoughts of the weak-minded, but based on the clear-eyed nature of his portrait, it seems unlikely that President Polk would have abused this aspect of his power.
Precognition:
Unlikely. While several Presidents may have been able to accurately describe future events through various means - Rutherford B. Hayes through his mastery of the Dark Magicks, Taft through stolen steam-powered supercomputers, Van Buren because of his time travel exploits - there is no reason to assume that Polk had any precog ability, as this power is less likely to crop up under traditional mutant superbrain power trees. Not ruling it out but, I dunno, just not feelin' it here.
Photographic memory:
Obviously.
Photographic reflexes:
Potentially. Though the sheer size of my man's crown means it would have never come up.
Telekinesis:
Almost certainly. Polk is likely the only telekinetic to ever hold the Office of President. (
Note: Any historical evidence of Rutherford B. Hayes displaying telekinetic powers is likely the result of poorly-informed eyewitness testimony. Any time Hayes appeared to be remotely moving an object, it was actually being manipulated by an invisible spirit in his thrall.) Based on the size of his skull at the time of this portrait, Hayes may have been able to hold a small adult aloft in the air for brief periods of time, and probably could force toss a fully-grown man back several feet. He would have also been able to telekinetically throw bladed or blunt weapons at attackers and would have been able to project an invisible forcefield capable of temporarily deflecting the small arms fire of the day by the end of his term, though maintaining this defensive shield would have proven greatly taxing on his mental capabilities.
Finally, James K. Polk, as he would have been rated according to the 1-7 scale ued by the 1992 Marvel Universe Series III Trading Cards/Library of Congress:Strength: 2 (Nearest equivalent - William Howard Taft)
Intelligence: 6 (Nearest equivalent - Doctor Doom)
Energy Projection: 3 (Nearest equivalent - Ulysses S. Grant)
Mental Powers: 6 (Nearest equivalent - Professor X)
Fighting Ability: 1 (Nearest equivalent - Jimmy Carter)
Speed: 1 (Nearest equivalent - Professor x)
