KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation

[mcphee from the forum]

It's like 20 years too late, I think, for me to be able to hear fresh Kiss with open ears.

But who knows.

It would be fun for me to revisit the albums and then critically reevaluate your critical reevaluations with only a modicum of consideration for the music.

[mcphee from the forum]

I saw Fresh Kiss With Open Ears play at Piano's the other night, by the way

NEW YORK JOKE BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

[buffcoat]

#10 - Love Gun


Love Gun has always been a hard one to figure out.  As is clear, KISS was still making great studio albums before Love Gun.  After Love Gun, they started to decline with the very uneven Dynasty, and after that they ceased to even be a functioning band.

So, whither Love Gun?

This being a reevaluation, we can finally put Love Gun in the place it belongs.  Although it ranks 10th on this particular list, it is definitely of a piece with the prior albums in KISS' peak period.  That is to say, there's a big gap between numbers 10 and 11.

Love Gun is the second album to feature stupid comic book cover style art from that guy who I won't even look up.  It's dumber even than the Destroyer cover that that guy did.



Caption: What's with the clown chicks?

Love Gun is also notable for housing "Shock Me," Ace Frehley's first vocal performance, and thus the first time that all four members sang on one album.  KISS doesn't get much credit for having all four members sing regularly.  None of them is Pavarotti, but three of them are servicable and then there's Ace, who is bad of course but there are many bands with worse lead singers.

The most intriguing story surrounding the album, a favorite tale of FOT bon vivant and noted wit "Wes," underlies this song.  As Wikipedia explains:

The song was inspired by an event that took place during Kiss's Rock and Roll Over tour, when Frehley was nearly electrocuted. On December 12, 1976, Kiss performed a concert at the Lakeland Civic Center in Lakeland, Florida. During the opening number, Frehley touched a metal staircase railing, which was ungrounded. Frehley was knocked to the ground, and the concert was delayed for 30 minutes. The show was eventually completed, and Frehley claimed to have lost feeling in his hand for the remainder of the concert.

"Wes" maintains that the band, led by Simmons, simply dragged Frehley off to the side and continued playing, presumably so as not to violate terms of the contract and therefore be forced to return some of the gate.  I could find no corroborative reference to this sidebar.

I decided to cleanse my palate for this review by listening to "Ghost" by Neutral Milk Hotel and "Paris 1919" by John Cale.  That's going to go down as a mistake.

On to the music:

Once again, the songs that are included on Alive II are better there.  KISS was simply a better live (or at least live with overdubs) band than they were a studio band.  That's not a knock.

"I Stole Your Love" fits into this category.  This one and the title track are high-energy Stanley numbers that are as good as anything he ever wrote except "Black Diamond."  "I Stole Your Love" includes the command to Ace to play "Gi-TAR!" which is something that Ace probably had become pretty used to by this time.  Still, it must have been humiliating to have it included in the lyrics.

"Love Gun" is probably the quintessential Paul Stanley song.  The lyrics aren't even the least little bit subtle.  It's hard to imagine that a space alien with a poorly written phrasebook couldn't figure out: "No place for hidin' baby / no place to run / you pulled the trigger of my / Love Gun."

Speaking of subtlety, former schoolteacher Gene Simmons, nee "Mr. Klein," belts out a song of lust for a 16-year-old girl, which to his credit he hadn't done for several albums.  The version on Love Gun, which I hadn't heard for more than a decade, comes across as suprisingly 70s pop compared to the Alive II version.  Gene's spoken word part is unbearably creepy.  Shame on you, Mr. Klein.  And shame on you again, for stealing this title from Paul, who didn't even get a chance to write his own version.

Gene's next song, "Got Love for Sale" is one of two hidden gems on Love Gun.  The twin "have love will travel" (dominated by Paul) and "I got love for sale" (mostly sung by Ace) choruses are delightful, and the guitar is driving.  Gene is having fun on Love Gun.  Perhaps it's Cher's influence.  Or whatever strange star he was involved with at that moment.  This one has a great guitar solo from Ace, too.

The other Simmons mini-masterpiece is "Almost Human," which could have fit neatly onto the heavier, darker Hotter Than Hell.  Gene actually plays on his monster image here, something he did more in the 70s than thereafter.  Wasted opportunities.

"Plaster Caster" is also a good Gene number, done even better on MTV Unplugged.  It's a little disappointing to know that he never actually "posed" for a Cynthia Plaster Caster sculpture, but perhaps that's for the best.

When I was a kid, I didn't know what Ace meant by "come together" in the lyrics to "Shock Me."  Ah, well.  The version on Alive II has a better guitar solo, but this one is good, too.  

Then there are three songs which presage the coming decline.

"Tomorrow and Tonight" is a second attempt at a ballad to match "Rock and Roll All Nite."  This one isn't great, but it isn't awful, either.  Lots of piano, which is unusual.  Lots of high-pitched girls singing backup.  Also strange.

"Then She Kissed Me," a cover of a song by Phil Spector and sung by The Crystals, is a strange choice.  Paul was starting to explore his romantic side, which would come to greater fruition on his solo record and then in the 80s and 90s with more power ballads.  Not the best thing ever.

"Hooligan," the Peter Criss-penned Peter Criss number, has the distinction of having the dumbest lyrics of any song on any Classic period KISS album.  People, I've thought hard about this.

To wit:

My granny, she said I was a hooligan
Runnin' 'round like a fool again
I went down to the candy store
If I had a nickel I'd buy some more
And I'm oh so sad, yeah, oh so bad
So sad, but it's true
Baby, what can I do

I'm a hooligan
Won't go to school again
I'm a hooligan
Won't go to school again, won't go, no

Thanks, Peter.  It's better than Ted Nugent's output of the same period, at least.


Up next, things start to get dicey.  That dude from David Letterman more or less replaces Peter.  And then, things get bad.  Real bad.

[buffcoat]

Anton Fig is waiting for you!

[mcphee from the forum]

Awesome.

That was my favorite so far, I think.

I should probably save this for the CRCR (which is not actually going to happen), but you missed what is, I think, my favorite lyric from Hooligan:

Dropped out of school when I was 22

I mean, I think I get what he was going for here, but it makes it sound like he dropped out of college. Probably just a few credits short of graduating.

I cannot wait for the next few. You are a true hero, buffcoat.

[buffcoat]

Awesome.

That was my favorite so far, I think.

I should probably save this for the CRCR (which is not actually going to happen), but you missed what is, I think, my favorite lyric from Hooligan:

Dropped out of school when I was 22

I mean, I think I get what he was going for here, but it makes it sound like he dropped out of college. Probably just a few credits short of graduating.

I cannot wait for the next few. You are a true hero, buffcoat.

Thanks McPhee.

I think "a few credits short of graduating" is a pretty good overall description of Peter Criss.

[fonpr]

I search Kiss- Shock and found this comment on Youtube;



Buddy you listen. You are probably the mid teen who is just enthralled with the Kiss make up gimmick, and their over theatrical performances. That is what you call fag rock, bunch of drama queens running around in their mums make up spitting fire. That is the kind of performance you get from a drag queen.

[Wes]

As you know, we differ greatly on Love Gun, starting with the cover. I enjoy how it makes KISS look like characters from a forgotten Edgar Rice Burroughs pulp series (I would read Paul Stanley of Mars in a heartbeat) and makes me wish there was a really terrible Ralph Bakshi or Heavy Metal-sque animated KISS movie from the '70s. I wouldn't watch this movie, but I would feel better knowing it existed.

As for the songs, I Stole Your Love, Love Gun and Christine Sixteen all rank among the finest of KISS' work, so those alone would shoot Love Gun near the very top.

"Wes" maintains that the band, led by Simmons, simply dragged Frehley off to the side and continued playing, presumably so as not to violate terms of the contract and therefore be forced to return some of the gate.  I could find no corroborative reference to this sidebar.

To be more specific, I believe that Ace was electrocuted on stage, collapsed in a smoking heap and when someone eventually noticed, Gene likely stomped over to prod Ace with a few tentative, demonic platform shoe pokes to his ribs. Ace would have made a "unngngngn" sound, which would be fairly normal for Ace, so Gene probably then booted him off to the side and they kept going until Ace was able to regain consciousness and rejoin the band later in the show and thus receive his paycheck for the night, minus pay for the time he was out cold/near dead.

Had Paul or Gene been electrocuted, I think they would have canceled the rest of the show. Had it been Peter, they probably would have hired the fan nearest the stage wearing Cat-Man makeup to take Peter's spot for the remainder of the tour.

 "I Stole Your Love" includes the command to Ace to play "Gi-TAR!" which is something that Ace probably had become pretty used to by this time.  Still, it must have been humiliating to have it included in the lyrics.

Yes. That it's just "Gi-TAR!" and not "ACE!" definitely implies that Paul was planning ahead for Ace's eventual replacements. Or that Paul couldn't remember Ace's name when he wrote the song. Possibly both.

Gene's spoken word part is unbearably creepy.

I won't be able to explain in print the greatness Gene's truly skin-crawling spoken word part in Christine Sixteen, but the beauty is how James Mason-esque his delivery is. For those unfamiliar, he says:

I don't usually say things like this to girls your age, but when I saw you coming out of the school that day, that day I knew, I knew, I've got to have you, I've got to have you!

Between the way emphasizes that second "I KNEW!" and the second "I'VE GOT TO HAVE YOU!" and the relative politeness of the first line, this is Gene Simmons at his best Gentleman Pervert. It's like Phileas Fogg moved into your neighborhood and was legally required to pop by your house to charmingly inform you of his past sexual offenses.

My granny, she said I was a hooligan
Runnin' 'round like a fool again
I went down to the candy store
If I had a nickel I'd buy some more
And I'm oh so sad, yeah, oh so bad
So sad, but it's true
Baby, what can I do

I'm a hooligan
Won't go to school again
I'm a hooligan
Won't go to school again, won't go, no

My new greatest KISS wish^* is for Peter Criss to receive an honorary degree from a college some time in the next few years. He would be up at the podium in his cap and gown, Cat-Man make-up running into his eyes thanks to his tears of joy^**, and he'd start repeating the lyrics of Hooligan quoted above before breaking down, too emotionally overcome to continue his speech, which would have been scrawled on the reverse side of a nearly-finished maze and world jumble that Peter had torn off from the back of a box of Honeycomb cereal.

^*This replaces my previous greatest KISS wish, originated yesterday while reading the Solo Albums discussions above, which would see them doing another set of solo albums so buffcoat would have to review a hypothetical Tommy Thayer.

^**I know this wish could never come true because it involves Gene and Paul feeling pity and giving Peter permission to wear the Cat-Man make-up to commencement, and this could never happen.

[buffcoat]

I would review Tommy Thayer, but there's no way I would review I Could've Been in KISS Except for that Drunken Moron, He's Not a Real Space Man: The Bob Kulick Story.

[buffcoat]

A question to ponder before the next review: what would Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley have done in 1979 had modern drum machine/lifelike robot technology been available to them?

[mcphee from the forum]

I think a crude answer to that question can be found at any Captured! By Robots show

[buffcoat]

They already had the actor who dubbed Peter's voice!  His own wife wouldn't have been able to tell provided they soaked the robot in Jack Daniels and made him sleep a lot.

[Spalding]

An interview with a very tired Ace in the midst of touring the tertiary markets in '97. "The reason I don't go down on my knees is I want to be able to walk."

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPjLrZUYkME[/youtube]

The rest of the crew comes in at the end and are very nice to the news lady and her friends/family. Peter sounds like he's barely making it through "Deuce" in the concert clip at the end.

[buffcoat]

Peter is so short.  Couldn't he get some boots?


The others don't look as old as Ace.  Did he have some sort of problems that might make him look old?




Wes: trying to like "God Gave Rock and Roll to You II."  I just can't.  It might be good on paper, but I find it cloying and unlistenable.  Like most late-period Paul.

[mcphee from the forum]

The Unrest version is great