Stuff you hate (aka: the new f. you thread)

[dave from knoxville]

 i text S.O.S. signals in Target to myself when i'm lost.

Fixed

[Andy]

personally I couldn't live without my phone and while I know that some would say that it's a weakness, I believe that anything that can be used to get stuff out of my head (like appt's and birthdays) just frees up more of my mental capacity for use searching out dirtier and more depraved pornography on the internet.

[daveB from Oakland]

In addition to mosquito bites, I really hate sweet pickles. They're the food of the devil.

I've recently discovered cornichons. That is to say, I've recently discovered that they suck. I was at a sandwich place in San Francisco, and the plate I got had a couple of dainty little cornichons as a garnish. I tried one ... yuck.

The literal translation for cornichon is "shitty little French pickle".

Also, I just looked up pickles on Wikipedia, and the entry there says that there is a delicacy known as Kool-Aid pickles, or "Koolickles". That is wrong, wrong, wrong. (Come back Disco Fries, all is forgiven).

Furthermore, Wikipedia claims that pickles can be classified as ambient food. What does Brian Eno have to say about this?

[Phantom Hugger]

also: monkeys... no more, please. Grow the fuck up.

No, I refuse. Gorillas, too.

Go to the Bronx Zoo and see the Congo exhibit. It is amazing.
http://www.congogorillaforest.com/congoresidents

I have enthusiasm for few things, but primates are among them and will always be. And the word orangutan is funny, no matter how you pronounce it.   

I'm with you, Senor.  Primates rule.

I'm a gibbon man myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaAFWyN7A4U

(sorry, no embedding)

 *sigh*   just like Rollins: I walk alone

I have to add that chimps-in-clothes humor is just a notch above fart jokes on the brow level scale.

Take your Lancelot Link VHS tapes to the hate pit.

[jbissell]

I have to add that chimps-in-clothes humor is just a notch above fart jokes on the brow level scale.

Take your Lancelot Link VHS tapes to the hate pit.

That one hit close to home.

But I like them more because they're awesome, not just for humor.

I'll be keeping my Babe: Pig in the City DVD, thank you.

[emma]

Emma, you just blew my mind.

I know, right?

[namethebats]

The first time I got a car with a remote door opener, within a week I was trying to open my apartment with it.

[Raad_Man]

hot chicks who don't want to fuck me.

[Julie]

What's weird about these things is you were fine without them, and then they were introduced into your life and you're immediately helpless without them.

Calculators did the same thing to people's arithmetical abilities.  Remember, Dave?

Also, I could, if I wanted, refer to myself as S.StO.

I hate calculators! They make people stoopid.

[senorcorazon]

More proof of the awesomeness of primates:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080826/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_monkeys_giving

hot chicks who don't want to fuck me.

I can't imagine why a woman wouldn't want to hump such an elegant and refined person.

[cutout]

Two hipsterish American friends just this week used the word 'nicked', aka, stolen. One of them has previously asked the question, "What are you on about?"

Where does it end?

[emma]

Getting stuck in an elevator for three hours.

The timeline went something like this:

5 min.: Realize we are stuck
10 min.: Realize the "alarm" button in the elevator is connected to a bell that does not even really ring that loud. No intercom. No cell phones. Just this little bell.
11 min.: Realize no one except us is supposed to be in the building today.
12 min. - 2.5 hours: Ring ring ring ring ring.
2 hours 40 minutes: Ring ring ring ring not having a panic attack ring.
3 hours: My new favourite people come and rescue us.
3 hours 5 minutes: "Guess we should really get something done about that alarm button, huh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha," say my new favourite people. Suppress rage.

[Andy]

Here's one that's even more important:

Hey comedians.  You're funny.  We get it.  Can you please turn the audience down a little in the mix on your CD's?

[Steve of Bloomington]

Here's one that's even more important:

Hey comedians.  You're funny.  We get it.  Can you please turn the audience down a little in the mix on your CD's?

It'd be really cool if they edited the audience out.  Make us work out where to laugh.

[buffcoat]

Here's one that's even more important:

Hey comedians.  You're funny.  We get it.  Can you please turn the audience down a little in the mix on your CD's?

Yeah, what is this, a KISS Live Album?